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I agree that people need to take personal responsibility for their lives but holy shit. First of all, why do you care so much if someone goes to the gym when it doesn't affect you at all? Secondly, what a person's life looks like from the inside is often not what it looks like from the outside, and real adults usually have more responsibilities than just work.
@HollowKitty I’ll address two things
The gym thing is about a couple of people close to me. Why do I care? Because I have to sit there and listen to them complain about
A. How their gaining weight.
B. How they don’t have time go the gym.
And I’m not talking about people who are genuinely stressed for time, I’m completely aware that a working mum is going to have less available time than student. That isn’t my issue. My issue with people who waste what time they have then proceed to claim daily about how they don’t have time to get things done.
How do I know they waste there time? Their my brothers. Colleagues. Friends. I’m not talking about an abstract over view of society, I’m talking about people I know exceptionally well.
Probably should have specified in the rant, apologies.
Also not sure if you directly aimed that real adult thing at me or not? But if you did let me know and I’ll address it.
@for-EachEven brothers/family/friends still often have no clue what other people have going on in their personal lives. For example, I am DINK so a lot of my coworkers/friends will say that my life is soooo easy because of that, but my mother is so intellectually disabled that she doesn't have object permanence, my partner suffers from chronic depression, and we have several other people in both our families that need additional medical/social/financial support from us. These aren't things we talk about much and it's definitely not something most of my "colleagues" know, but I don't know any adults who, once you actually know them, have so few responsibilities outside of work that non-work time is "free time".
If you don't want to listen to them complain, that's a completely separate issue and should be dealt with separately. It's still not your place to decide whether someone else's time is "genuinely free" or not.
@HollowKitty I’m sorry but using your personal circumstances as a justification for me possibly not knowing my brothers is a fallacy.
You can’t possible now my relationship with my brothers because I’ve gave you no context to it.
You can’t have it both ways.
My problem again, isn’t with free time being genuine or not, my argument again, is with for this instance claiming they don’t have time to do certain things and then proceed to waste what free time they do have sat in front of a TV complaining about the very thing there causing. Because no matter which way you want to try and justify it if you have things to do, and you use what time you do have watching tv instead of doing said things your wasting your available time.
You don’t get to waste what time you have, and complain about having no time in the same breath. Regardless of circumstance.
@HollowKitty and I’m sorry but ‘ I don’t know any adults that once you get to know them have so few responsibilities that outside of work free time is free time’ isn’t a valid answer for wasting time that is free.
Again. I’m not talking about people who genuinely spend their ‘spare’ time doing things that need to be done.
I’m talking about people that will sit at home watch tv for fours after work and then complain they have no free time.
If you want to spend your time that way, that’s fine, that’s your right. Just don’t fucking complain about getting nothing done.
Understand the tone of this might be coming across like I’m angry with you, so apologies if it does, not my intent.
Brothers maybe, but you said colleagues and friends, too, and I assumed you meant different people with that. Although, if you can't stand listening about a smalltalk thing like gym time, I wonder how well you listen about the other things going on in their lives? Either way, from where you're standing, it literally does not matter whether they have time to go to the gym or not. Your problem is not that they think they don't have time to go to the gym. Your problem is that they're dumping their problems on you more than you'd like. You need to set the boundary there. Getting angry about what other people do when it doesn't affect you is totally futile and pointless.
@HollowKitty it has nothing to do with listening to problems, claiming not to have free time when you spent four hours a day isn’t a problem.
It’s not even about small talk, if you want to have a conversation with me about the gym, you wanna talk about diets? PRS? That’s perfectly fine I encourage it.
If you genuinely have time, if you’re working 12 hour days and then you’re looking after your kids and you need help I’ll happily look after your kids so you can have a night off and relax.
It’s about people complaining and sometimes out right lying to make excuses. When in reality it’s a lack of discipline.
Getting angry and about people having lack of discipline or lying is effectively what 90% of the rants on this application are about.
Personally, I’d argue that venting isn’t futile or pointless but each to their own.
@for-Each Almost all of the rants I see on here are about behaviours that affect other people. The only way that someone else's shitty exercise habits affects you is that you insist on listening to them talk about it, and that annoys you. Which is fair enough. But you can't make them exercise and at the end of the day it's not your business if they exercise or not. You should be happy, because this is literally not your problem. Next time they complain, tell them you don't want to talk about this topic anymore. Otherwise you are the guy complaining about someone else's inability to do basic life stuff while you also showcase an inability to do basic life stuff like setting basic social boundaries.
Again, the issue isn’t with me caring if they’re training or not. It’s people making excuses for lack of discipline.
You’re assuming that the conversation hasn’t already occurred it has. Multiple times. Don’t act like if you’ve had the same conversation multiple times you wouldn’t be annoyed. It’s human nature. Stop assuming and I’m sorry but having that conversation does directly affect you, regardless of what way you look at it.
If you asked me to do something and ignored what you said multiple times you’d eventually get annoyed. Even though what I’m doing doesn’t directly affect you.
People snorting cocaine off toilet seats on a night doesn’t directly affect me but I’m definitely fucking sure I’d prefer them not to do it.
@for-Each I guess we're really different people then, I don't think I would care if someone snorted coke off a toilet seat unless it was my husband. :)
The thing about boundaries is that there needs to be an actual consequence if someone violates them. You can't just express a wish and hope other people respect it; you need to enforce it. Usually in cases like this, it's removing yourself from the discussion. So I would say something like, "we talked about this [the boundary about not discussing exercise] and I don't want to discuss your exercise habits with you anymore, so let's talk about something else". Then if they aren't willing to change the topic, leave the room or put on headphones or something. There must be a consequence to violating them because otherwise it's common for people to ignore them. Most people figure this out naturally but some environments don't allow for development of good boundaries. "Where to Draw the Line" is a good book for this and it's pretty cheap.
The length of those comments... i thought i was scrolling through my error logs for a sec...