I am already tired before even looking at this code.

Looking at your code makes me cry.

I can insult myself whole day but it won’t be enough to survive looking at your coding style.

If cpu could talk it would ask for heater removal because your code depresses it so much.

Looking at your code makes my monitor burn out.

Downloading your code makes my hard drive stop.

And my favorite:
You’re already good developer so now stop writing and appoint as manager / tester.