I had semi-jokingly changed my username from dextel2 to nothappy, because of that one bad day.

But, it is now when I realized that I am actually NOT HAPPY, things are lately rough, I am constantly scared for no reason, I doubt my skills, I doubt myself for no reason, and top of that there's always a chance for another epileptic attack.

I tried and keep trying to distract myself from negative thoughts but the more I try the more I fail, I've become distant with my younger brother, for the record I'm very overprotective about him. I don't even know if he feels the same, as this year ends or every day passes by I feel changed from my past self (not in a good way).

Switched my first job to get another good job, turns out they don't even have any projects and I'm just a guy they are showcasing like they have ONE amateur developer and we are looking for an entire project and it did work for one client which I'm gonna deny personally because the client is not clear about the project itself, I do not care about the consequences, my heart lies in academics and I'll put my 100% in academics, shall I'm kicked.

A lot has happened in this year, but this one is/was unique and very hard to process. I've always been joyful, sarcastic, funny, you name it, but all of it has just vanished, don't know why. I'm also becoming distant from my ONLY 3 friends and parents.

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    @irene I am doing my best, but somehow things only get a little bit worse. The letting go part is something I'm quite new at.
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    @irene introspection. Looking within one's self for the source of unhappiness or discontent. Those rarely originate from the intellect, so to speak.
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    1. 24 ~
    2. Brainworms, parasites, eggs of parasites
    3. Yes, I don't want him to make the mistakes I've made
    4. There is no way of telling if he loves me or not.
    5. I wouldn't label it as overthinking, I'm just preparing for the worst
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    @rEaL-jAsE I have to agree with @irene here, I mean in a broader way, religion can be very manipulative, like, the way I see it God condemed Samuel to rule hell, because he saw potential in him to do so, and people see him as Lucifer now and are scared of him, in my opinion Lucifer is the favourite son of God, but still religion is manupulative...
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    @irene neither me, I'm too occupied to give a proper reply,
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    @rEaL-jAsE well, that contradicts the whole concept of free will
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    @rEaL-jAsE and it's you who decides what's right for you or wrong for you, or you know be selfless sometimes, but the way I see it and as you mentioned about rules, I think if free will exists then you should be able to choose either you want to suffer your afterlife in guilt (your own hell) or not
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    @rEaL-jAsE that right there, laws contradicting free will, if I don't abide by laws I'm straight down to hell because it's me who chose not to believe in Him
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