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DevLivesMatter
5y

I fucked up.

In my career, colleagues always looked up to me to solve everything. From day 1.
Hell, I have nicknames; « The Dad », « Machine », « The Beard »... when I meet a new group of devs at the bar they use those nicknames even if I have no clue who they are.

Result? I'm not allowed to fail and even if I do and try to take responsibility, no one ever blame me.

They see me as a fucking zen programming monk, all wise, patient and kind.

Oh boy here we go. I screw things up all the time and can never let go the guilt since I'm not allowed to take responsibility of my mistakes.

Once again I wake up after a night of stress working, trying to overcome analysis paralysis. I'm late. Supposed to have meetings with some fucking PHDs, fueling my imposter syndrome.

Can't even learn anything in those conditions.

Fuck they should call me the fraud.

rant

coming out

a scream in the wind

is it a rant?
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Comments
  • 3
    5y
    @PublicByte looking for a job? You're hired.
  • 0
    5y
    Maybe The Beard is really good at faking knowledgeable guy but he is ashamed. He also claims having impostor syndrome, although he really is the impostor. A fake humility!
  • 1
    5y
    Have a cookie with some tea.
  • 1
    5y
    All you can do, all any of us can do, is our best. You obviously care and try to do what's right. If those assumptions are true, then you have nothing to feel guilty about. Allow those feeling of inadequacy to pass; don't hold onto them. It'll all be fine.

    If that doesn't work, there's always alcohol and violent video games.
  • 0
    5y
    Yeah, when your co-workers call you "The Dad" you fucked up real bad man.
  • 2
    5y
    Stress went down. Back on tracks. Everything alright.
  • 0
    5y
    I'm really tired of people claiming they have impostor syndrome. They more likely have hypochondria and self doubts.

    While impostor syndrome involves self doubt, it's not all self doubt.

    Self doubt, inflated expectations and frankly, even being shit at your job are all par the course.

    Impostor Syndrome meant something for a brief window until it was hijacked by feminism, Dunning Kruger Syndrome patients, sociopaths, emotional wrecks, pseudo-scientists, political identitarians, laymen and quacks.

    It primarily describes a *fraction* of people, usually in the top 10% to 5%, where it can be ruled out from being an accurate assessment of ability. Very few people but a subset of top performers sit the bill.
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