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so apparently my desktop hdd is going bad in the most infuriating way possible: Read speeds are perfectly fine, but write speeds are literally peaking at 600 BYTES PER SECOND. I waited A LITERAL 25 MINUTES (i timed it, 24m51s) to get to the login process. It's performing worse than 320k floppies do.
The disk is 13% full and 0% fragmented. It's negotiating SATA 3.
Time to w&r ig
rant