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I have been an expat since graduating and have been moving a lot. More than a decade ago, when I was still young, I was in a relationship with a woman, Sylvia, in a country where we both lived. Sylvia wanted to settle down but I was not ready to commit so young. We clearly had different expectations from the relationship. I did not know what to do and, well, I ghosted her. Over the Christmas break, while she was visiting her family, I simply moved out and left the country. I took advantage of the fact that I accepted a job in other country and did not tell her about it. I simply wanted to avoid being untangled in a break-up drama. Sylvia was rather emotional and became obsessed with the relationship, tracking me down, even causing various scenes with my parents and friends.

Anyhow, fast forward to now. I now work as a math teacher in an international school. I have been in other relationships since, so Sylvia is a sort of forgotten history. Sadly, till now. This week, I learnt that our fantastic school director suddenly resigned due to a serious family situation and had to move back to her home country over the summer. The school had to replace her. We are getting a new director. I read the bio of the new boss and googled her and was shocked to discover it is Sylvia. We have not been in touch and do not have any mutual friends anymore. I am not a big fan of social media and had no idea what she had been up to since the unpleasant situation a long time ago.

I have no idea what to do and how to deal with this mess. It is clear this will be not only embarassing but I will also be reporting to my ex. I am not in a position to find another job at present. There are no other international schools so finding another job in this country is not an option. Even finding a job elsewhere is not possible on such a short notice. These jobs usually open for school terms so I have to stay put for few months. But more importantly, I am happy and settled here so do not want to move. To make the situation worse, the expat community here is very small and tightly knit so teachers also socialize a lot.

Do you have any suggestions for me how to handle it and what should I do? I understand that this would not have happened if I did not ghost her back then, but I cannot do anything about it now. I gathered from the comments that readers usually have a go on people like me for “bad behavior” but I am really looking for constructive comments how to deal with the situation.

Comments
  • 1
    I guess it depends if it’s just a coincidence that she’s now going to be your boss.

    If she’s just got on with her life and put it behind her then it’s going to be awkward for both of you. I’d approach her with a genuine apology and at least then you can both try and get on.

    If she’s crazy and out for revenge, I’d make sure she doesn’t find out where you live and lock away any pets you have. That’s not really helpful but I have no idea how to deal with crazy without just getting away from it.
  • 1
    Im amazed that even at this age "Im not in a position to change Jobs" is the first thing that came to your mind

    Stop running away and face this head-on. The sooner you get it over with the less awkward will it be. Just talk to her like normal, and when the topic comes up just be honest that you chickened out because it was too serious for you and appologize. It's not shameful to admit you were scared, but it would be to try and do it again. Just start being honest with people and they will understand.
  • 0
    Time to man up, accept that you behaved like a cunt to her, you probably caused her all kinds of emotional problems. Apologise profusely to her when you get the opportunity, explain that you were a complete twat, but that you accept this and are not the same person anymore (hopefully you have grown up, but your post, describing her as "rather emotional and obsessed" after what you did, sadly suggests that you haven't), and hope that she has managed to build a life away from you, preferably with someone in her life who isn't a dick.
  • 0
    @molaram The judgement would be the opposite with reversed roles. Woman cancels any contact, which is her right, and man goes after her even in another country. Now he'd be the psycho creep.
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