So basically I joined this new android dev job 3 months ago. I did android dev for 2.5 years and then had a gap of 1.5 years where I did game development so Im comming back into android dev as "junior" however Im tryharding to prove myself and reach mid level as fast as I can.

I had it planned like this from the beginning: original plan was to do really good during probation period so I could ask for a raise (which I did). Now while Im waiting for answer (which will take 2-3 weeks) I need to keep the show going so I am sacrificing evenings to accomplish goals. I ham going to these teambuildings, I am volunteering in this job fair event and Im joining bars with the not-so-social devs 1-2 times a week just to "fit in" and be noticed. After getting a raise I plan to take it down a notch and somehow relax....

During the usual work week I rely on stimulants (coffee/cigarettes/concerta) to get me through the days and then I use xanax or alcohol to relax. Worst part is that I am totally drained exhausted after long working week. I dont want to go out with my girlfriend. My libido is at its lowest and we do it maybe max 2 times a week and it feels like a chore to me. It feels like I exist only for this job and only to please everyone around me and it drains me out completely.

I feel like I am burned out. I wish I could just quit this job and run away somwhere warm for 6 months to chill alone and take it easy and recover but I cant. Im stuck in a trap. I have to pay off mortgage, I have to pay off bills. I am approaching 30's soon and I became fat and balding, I want to loose weight, I wanna get a hair transplant to at least enjoy my 30's properly. Im only 28 but I already have a lot of grey hair just because of immense ammounts of stress I have to deal daily because of my ADHD and anxiety. Also my gf is kinda dissapointed that I havent proposed her in 3 years of our relationship. I feel so much pressure and obligations to the point where I feel that theres no point in living if I just exist for the needs of others. I cant imagine getting married and having a child now - life is already complicated chaotic mess as it is.

I dont't know why I throw myself 150% at projects and hyperfocus so much to the point where it becomes my priority in life? Am I compensating for my lack of executive functions by throwing lots of effort and care in hopes that I will be validated? How to learn to take it easy instead of always thinking that what Im doing is not enough?

It's not even the problem of this job. Its just me. I had my own company for 2 years and I was dealing with same burnout problems...

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    Maybe it would help to see youself, your physical und psychological as your main project to hyperfocus on. Everything else are side projects.

    Please don't get married or a child if you don't feel *absolutely* ready. I felt I was but it's still exhausting beyond imagination.

    And what the fuck she expect you to propose? If she wanna marry you, she could propose herself. Or you could decide this in an adult talk without one person setting the other under pressure. I mean what the fuck we live in the 21st century for gods sake. Ok I have to admit I have no idea where you live, maybe in India or such and things are different. But still, if you wanna be parents you *must* be able to talk and decide something together, mustn't you?

    About the job-socializing - i can understsbd that it's sometime necessary to attend, maybe you can overthink the amount? Maybe one well chosen event the week would be enough?
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    I hope nobody will get mad but I created a reddit post https://reddit.com/r/... so feel free to comment in there because I dont want to copypaste all of my answers in here. Also feel free to advice where else could i post to get more feedback.

    I feel very down and I dont have anyone else to talk to. Any opinion is appreciated.
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    Whoa, I've been working for 6 years now and I've not attended a single "social event" at work.

    People don't need to have sex every day, like even once every two months is enough. There are more important things in life than being bunnies. Like hugs and cuddles and SLEEP and me-time.

    And based on my experience, the raises are a myth (also for those colleagues of mine who've been through the social ladder). Only ~certain way to get a 'raise' is to switch jobs.

    Just chill, do your regular hours, turn off work phone & computer. World doesn't crash if you're off work. And if it does, there's something very badly wrong in your workplace. No one person should be irreplaceable.

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