How do you handle work colleague who is becomming too chummy? Got this one guy who is my age at work (we are in late 20's), we've been working for the past 5 months in the same team. At first I was in a bad place so kinda overshared my personal life with him so did he. Went out for drinks and etc.

Problem is that its becoming weird in the office now. I am trying to fix my habits like quitting drinking and quitting smoking and all I get from him is pressure about why Im not going out and etc. He doesnt even really know me, just assumes that if Im not hanging out with him I just sit in my home on a couch. And in the end what if I do? What kind of guilt tripping is this?

Also I feel that he as a senior is kinda undermining me. I am not a senior but definetly also not a junior anymore, and he treats me as a junior while he has at least half of knowledge gaps as me. He has been working remotely for some time now and I noticed even how dynamics in the office changed. I see other devs coming up to me for advice and I see that I am actually competent enough to help them. If my big ego senior was here, he would be sucking all of the attention out of the room and I would be in his shadow yet again. Its just weird.

  • 8
    He just sounds like he’s a bit needy.
    I wouldn’t take it personally, just tell him you no longer drink as it was putting you in a bad place. You could always ask him if he wants to come to the gym with you instead or something more healthy.
    Ultimately, you just need to rise above it, do your job and not worry about what he’s doing.
  • 3
    I think there are two issues that should be looked at separately.

    First, your rising competence. Already the bible (it's not completely shit) says that a prophet is nobody in his home town. That's because people have an impression of you, and it's much more difficult to change an impression than to make an initial one.

    Second, going out. From his perspective, it may look like you don't like him anymore while actually, it's just the alcohol. You could offer to share other activities like @UnicornPoo suggested, or just going out without drinking alcohol.

    Depending on your country's culture, alcohol may be deeply ingrained with going out, but even then, you can always claim your doc told you to avoid it. That would also solve the general problem with going out.
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