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  • 2
    What book?
  • 4
    I still want to do that
  • 2
    When I only read the text I thought you would be @Michelle
  • 2
    @lucaIO
    Nope, wasn't me this time. :)

    @BigMacca101
    What genre?
  • 3
    Wrote a few non-fiction books. Great experiences. I highly recommend it. Creative endeavor like programming. If anyone ever needs advice just let me know.
  • 2
    @coolq @Michelle Its a fantasy story, that's the easiest way to explain lol
    It was going to be a game I was working on but the scope got much much much bigger than I had first Invisioned so I started to turn it into a book which has now turned into a book series lol
  • 1
    @BigMacca101
    Ah, is it pure fantasy? As in just fantasy and not a sub genre?
    I've written dark fantasy, but always avoided fantasy since the word count rage is around 100,000.
    Have you ever considered publication?
  • 1
    @Michelle not sure at this point, it has its very very very dark points but it does have light hearted moments.

    And yes I have thought about publication but I don't think I have enough material down on paper to even think about it. I'll probably publish on my own tbh
  • 2
    @BigMacca101
    Ah, are you prepared for the responsibility? Self publishing is very expensive and lots of work. Without a publisher, you'll have to: market, print, distribute, design the cover, edit, gain reviewers, and etc all alone.

    It'll also be difficult to get on the New York Times Best Seller's list.

    Nonetheless, I wish you luck. It's tough surviving in this industry. :)

    I'm currently with getting traditionally published so I have more time to write and market and not have to worry about all those other stuff.
  • 2
    @Michelle it's honestly not really worth the effort to go through marketing, I really doubt it will do well and if I sell 1 copy I'll consider it a success
  • 1
    @BigMacca101
    Tell us the book name!
  • 1
    @BigMacca101
    That's why you need to work hard! I was intimidated with marketing as well. My debut novel is still in the editing and querying process, so it isn't out yet, but I'm still marketing.

    That's why majority of famous authors are famous. They are great at marketing. Somethings that I've tried that you can try as well are: "accidentially" leaving your business card in restaurant tables, taping flyers on people's doors, and the most easy one of all is having a social media platform.

    For example, I have a tumblr blog where I post writing tips and advice. Once my book is out, I can market on my tumblr and progress to make other social media accounts.

    If you self publish withiut having a goal to sell lots of books then it'll be a waste of hundreds or thousands of dollars, since self publishing is expensive as hell.

    I'm sorry. Once I start talking about writing or the publishing industry it's difficult for me to shut up. I'll stop now before I get annoying haha sorry.
  • 0
    Damn it, that was longer than I wanted it to be, sorry... :(
  • 1
    @Michelle hehe it's fine, always happy to talk about writing
  • 0
    @coolq it's called keepers
  • 0
    @BigMacca101
    Ah, thank goodness. I thought I scared you away like I do to everyone.
    I'm pretty sure I also scared away @cyanite with my talk about writing haha xD
  • 1
    @Michelle lol it's fine, I almost had a book published like 2 years ago but backed out.

    I write just to relax and take time away from life and programming, that's why I don't care if it sells, I'll continue writing even if I have no audience
  • 0
    @BigMacca101
    That's good! At least you have good intentions, which I don't see very often from writers.

    I'm just concerned you'll end up wasting tons of money on getting self published. I've seen it too many times already D:

    Though, whether it's online or in bookstores, be sure to send a link. I want to check it out ;)
  • 1
    @Michelle I'll send you a docs link when I finish work, the more feedback I can get, the better!
  • 0
    @BigMacca101
    Thanks!
  • 1
    @Michelle here you go!
    Don't judge the spelling and language use, its a very rough draft lol

    https://docs.google.com/document/d/...
  • 2
    @Michelle
    I think your advice isn't exclusive to writing, either.

    Thank you for sharing your wisdom 👍
  • 1
    @BigMacca101
    I admit I skimmed a little, and I am in no way a professional writer. I did notice some sentences were a little jarring, but damn that's a good draft!

    Pros:
    I like how the story leads you in.
    It's great how it hands you these questions, and you feel kind of smart for asking them, but you know you'll find out if you just keep reading...
    I absolutely love the somewhat quirky and funny characters.

    Cons(from my limited knowledge, most of these are just draft related):
    Spelling and grammar sometimes incorrect.
    Some sentences hard to read.
    At start when they ask his name, I think it would be more relatable if they at least tried to let him remember for longer.

    Again, those cons are edits that can be made later - and I'm not exactly a writer. Anyhoo, I love the book!

    Be sure to let me know when it is released!
  • 1
    @coolq thanks for the advice!
    Yeah I know some things are rough around the edges but I'm getting all the base details down and I will go back every now and then and elaborate on it
  • 1
    @BigMacca101
    Yep, sounds good!
  • 2
    @Michelle

    Nope! Been busy playing (a totally legal copy of) Kenshi, which is a survival RPG where the Player and NPCs are equally matched (the game emphasizes that you the player are not special).

    It's very fun and challenging, and is stealing all of my time! (Can't wait to actually buy it so that I can get an up-to-date version and have access to the Steam Workshop!)
  • 0
    @BigMacca101
    Just woke up. I'm checking it out right now.
  • 1
    @coolq
    Is that so? Thank you!
  • 0
    @Cyanite
    Ah, I see. Having fun?
  • 0
    @BigMacca101

    You aren't consistant between past tense and present tense. You should choose one, to make the writing less choppy.

    Also, for the formatting, dom't put a space between paragraphs. Use tabs and omit the spaces.

    If the dialogue doesn't have a period, add a comma. For example: "I almost began to fear the worst," ← Comma.

    Cowls can't sit ;)

    The reaction seems a bit to unrealistic. If I woke up in a stranger's bed, without any clothes, my forst reactions would be to scream and get away. Not stare at rhe stranger with lovey dovey eyes, drink tea, and talk.

    They already seem like they are in love even though they just met. Love at first sight is a cliché. If you want a chemistry between them, put the through something. They can't fall in love all that easily.

    Also, you bones can't click. They can crack, but they can't click.

    "Ambled" nice word choice!

    Mirror scenes are cliché. But then again, I did it too :3

    I'll continue in another comment.
  • 0
    @BigMacca101

    I love your description of the outfits!

    The clothes fit daemon? Ooh, what if it's actually her husband's clothes?? I'm curious.

    Hm... Mysterious horses? I wonder if they are important later on.

    Is daemon seriously believing the fact she's a dark elf? I mean really, this guy won't last long. He allows some girl to kidnap him and believes her stories that easily...

    Try: But he released a rough cough.

    I love your description with the fog and the gate.

    I have to go to school, so I'll continue later. I stopped at chapter 2.

    I'm a writer as well, so I know how annoying it is when people are too easy on the criticism. I don't hate your story. I love it! It's amazing, I love the names, and everything about it. It's a good story, but I just want you to improve it.

    I can't wait to read more.
  • 0
    @BigMacca101

    Sorry if I'm tyoing weird. I'm outside and my hands are freezing and in pain since it's cold here lol.

    Okay, so far what I understand about that characters:

    Rhea is a young dark elf woman. She's calm and collected, seems to be kind, and worries about others.

    Daemon is a young human man. He's na I I've and believes everything! He must be the type to believe in Santa. He's too trusting and someone like him will get tricked and killed easily. He likes to go with the flow and allows things to happen as they are happening.

    Okay, back to the advice:

    I'm at the part where Rhea dissapears. At this point, you info dumped the reader. Info dumping is where you throw lots of information at once.

    The reader just started reading your story and they are confused! What just happen? What is up with this dark elves and light elves thing? What's the difference? Why don't humand accept them?

    That's why you try to tell the information one at a time w/o dumping it all at once.
  • 0
    The boy is not light so why did the light tap him?

    Oh, read that wrong. The correct way to say it is "a light tap" but it's to redundant. Taps are already light so just tap is good enough. Try: He could feel a tap on...

    "Fuck what have I gotten myself into." Haha! That's what you get for trusting and following a stranger!

    Rhea is too open. I would have hoped she would be more mysterious and wouldn't reveal too much :/

    YOU FUCKING TRUST HER? DOESN'T THIS SEEM THE LEAST BIT SHADY? WTF DAEMON. This dude pisses me off so much.

    Rhea is worried about him yet she doesn't convince him to go away. She gave up so easily! Why?

    I love that description! It's so vivid and amazing.

    His heart pounded like tribal drums? I love that. I laughed too :)

    I love the description of the finger. It's spooky!

    The description of the fight scene is amazing. I love the words you used for the woman.

    Okay, I finished.
  • 0
    I didn't go into specifics since it's only a rough draft and it can improve, so I went easy with the criticism.

    I love the story and the words you use. I really think it has potential. There's a lack of description and action, but too much dialogue.

    The writing is a bit choppy but can get better.

    It's amazing! Good luck finishing it!

    Sorty if I'm being too mean. I want you to get better which is why I'm saying all this.
  • 0
    3rd comment, paragraph about daemon: naiive*
    Auto correct was not in my favor.

    Last comment:
    Sorry*
    Rip my spelling.
  • 2
    @Michelle

    I keep dieing. D:
  • 1
  • 1
    @Michelle no thanks for the advice!

    Everything is written with purpose but you were close, Rhea isn't a dark elf she is a "halfling" maybe ;-)

    And there is a reason why Daemon is so trusting, but... Can't spoil it but you seem to be on track to understand a lot of the messages hidden throughout like the clothing fitting and the fact he naturally has the ability to do things like ride a horse.

    And thanks it was hard working out that fight part, I thought it was half half actually!

    But yeah the writing is choppy mostly because I take long breaks in between so I don't get burnt out and I'm not massively fussed seeing as this is a really early draft!
  • 0
    @BigMacca101
    You're welcome! I'm glad you didn't kill me for the advice. Most people think I'm attacking their story, when really, I was trying to help D:

    I'm able to understand the messages and symbols because I'm a writer myself. I've been writing for about 8 years, so understanding things like that is natural for me.

    This is really good for a rough draft tbh. Normally rough drafts are cringy with terrible writing but I loved this.

    I'm not a fan of fantasy, but I'd love to see how this turns out.
  • 1
    @Michelle I really appreciate it, the best kind of criticism is blunt criticism.

    And thanks!

    I would love to pick your brain about writing tips some time and get opinions on the overall story if that'd be ok with you sometime? :-3
  • 0
    @BigMacca101
    Absolutely. Of course it's okay!
  • 1
    @Michelle Awesome!
    I'll have to find a way to contact you in the future, the story is pretty detailed and can be pretty confusing when introducing the further characters lol
  • 0
    @lxmcf
    I have a discord and a snapchat, but I'm not always active on discord. Maybe once a week or once every two weeks I log in.
  • 2
    @Michelle yeah I have discord but never used it lol
  • 2
    @Michelle and yeah just read chapter one, Daemon is very very calm considering he is naked and has amnesia in someone randoms bed
  • 1
    @lxmcf
    Yeah, but there's too much mystery to be worried about that. He can't even remember his name.
  • 0
    @lxmcf
    Yeah, I just don't think it's a natural reaction :/
  • 1
    @Michelle yeah I'm changing it to him being a bit more hesitant and cautious
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