15
HRT-713
2y

!rant

I just saw someone write about how much he hates school and it reminded me of all I am about to say:

I go to a fancy private school in my country full of shitheads and idiots that think that they can rely on their parents money for the rest of their lives, are always concerned about the latest trends (yeezys, dabs, fidget spinners... etc) and it just gets on my nerves as I have to live with all that and have almost no friends since I failed my class two years ago, when I sit in school I can't focus on anything the teacher says which in turn contributes to my shit grades and there is nothing I can do about it. I have been diagnosed with persistent depresseive disorderand bouts of major depression and my mom won't accept to give me adequate medication because she says(although this is not always the case) that antidepressants can trigger the bipolar disorder that runs in my family, and on top of all this shit, ever since I was 7 I have been raised by my single mother after my father died (I never tell people that my father is dead usually because I hate the look of pity I get coming out of their faces) and my mother has been screwed over for all her life because she can't make a good decision or call bullshit even if you put a gun to her head.

And what I hate most about all that is that I have no one to talk to because my mom is one of those religious freaks so I can't talk to her about my real deep thoughts, and every psychologist or counselor I have been to has been shit.

And this is just another chronicle of my miserable fucking existence.

Comments
  • 3
    If you find a good psychologist, they should be able to prescribe the right mood altering drugs based on your family history. Clinical psychology is a field that requires a lot of education. I can appreciate you don't like the people you've talked to at this point. My hope for you is that you find a professional you do like, who has enough education and knowledge to prescribe the right pills.

    I'm genuinely sorry you're having such a rough time right now. I've been pretty far down before, I got laid off, two of my best friends died within a year of each other, and I felt more alone than ever.

    Fortunately, things got better for me. And I bet they will for you too. I'm sure you're sick of typical cliches, so I'll spare you. But just as one person to another. Hang in there, things will get better.
  • 2
    @ChachiKlaus Thanks a lot, this means a lot to me, I hope I'll be able to find a good psychologist someday that will actually do something about all that's wrong with me
  • 3
    @HRT-713 don't view it that something is wrong with you. We all have illnesses, sometimes it requires a doctor, sometimes a psychologist. Either way, they're trained and there to give you the care you need.

    Im really happy that my words have helped if even in a small way. And don't forget, a lot of people live very happy lives as adults even if their years as a teenager or kid were rough.
  • 1
    @ChachiKlaus I hope that that's what will happen to me when I grow up
  • 1
    @HRT-713 Well, all I can say is what I see. You clearly already have marketable skills. And it's only 2 years until you're an adult. Independence will probably serve you nicely. I know it feels like forever, but that time will probably go quicker than you think. Keep programming, keep learning, find a good therapist. If you just do those couple things, generally for a lot of people things just fall into place after that.
  • 1
    @ChachiKlaus The problem I have is that my grades are not that good and my midterms are in a week and a half yet I still can't focus in class and my biggest fear is that I won't ve able to major in computer science/engineering or electrical eng or anything like that and then I am completely fucked
  • 2
    @HRT-713 I think its really good you want to get a CS degree. But in no way is that a qualifying factor for success in programming. It will certainly help you improve, and again, I think that's a great idea. But it's definitely, not the only path. Worst case scenario, you could always just enter the field doing desktop support and move up from there. Lots of successful people do that exact thing. I've known plenty. And your advantage is that you're young. So starting from the bottom really isn't a problem. A very good friend that exact thing and by his mid20s was considered for a CTO position.
  • 1
    Another thing he did was work as an IT administrator at the University even though he was studying international affairs.
  • 1
    @ChachiKlaus That would work if I lived in a 1st world country, but I live in a 3rd world country with no major tech or tech related companies so unless I can go to university abroad, I am stuck in my country with 500-600$ per month job without a degree
  • 1
    What country are you in? What industries are predominant?
  • 0
    @ChachiKlaus
    Country: Lebanon
    Prevalent Industries: Money laundering (or anything with thievery involved), politics (also for thievery)

    and well you get the point
  • 1
    You don't say? I may or may not have illegally crossed a border into that country once. If only a few hypothetical steps.

    So, by looking, banking and trade is really stable there. So, there have to be some network administrators to ensure the infrastructure. But that's a guess.

    I would also say, have you looked for work outside your country still within the same region?
  • 0
    @ChachiKlaus Around me there is Syria and Iraq(don't think I'll be going there anytime soon), Jordan (Same as lebanon, not that many tech jobs) Saudi Arabia and co (I would never think of going there as it is the land of religious zealots and hypocrits and is too hot anyways)
  • 0
    @ChachiKlaus And in lebanon although there are 5000 Comp sci graduates every year, only 3000 find jobs and the rest go find jobs outside the country
  • 1
    Soulmate...
  • 1
    @austudo So there are other teens like me
  • 1
    @HRT-713 obviously. I have a scholarship for the school I am in which I won far back when education bothered me. Now I am surrounded by stupid fucks which can live a great life without any difficulties like work etc. There are no proper psychologists here, in my country, so i can't help myself in any way...
  • 1
    @austudo And we actually live really close to each other as you live in Cyprus and I live in Lebanon
  • 1
    @HRT-713 true. Absolutely true.
  • 1
    That sucks.

    Not to be a goody two shoes, but I feel like you shouldn't call your mother a freak... She did give birth to you and raise you ;)
  • 0
    @DavidINC I love her and everything, it's just that we aren't compatible living together with two completely different mindsets and I can't wait to move out
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