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grayfox38132yThat was fucking long lol.
I'd really like to help, and I'm a good listener/reader. That's why I read the whole thing but you have a lot going on (and it's perfectly normal).
Do you wanna tackle a piece at a time?
Pick one! let's talk about it.
BigBoo26362yTried to read the whole thing. I'm pretty sure I missed 90% of all the points you were trying to make. Sorry about that.
But the thing I managed to read was about self harm. And if you have friends who do that it's not your job to stop them or your fault for them doing so. These things can be very complicated. And even if they act out on you it's probably something else they don't want to talk about.
Also, it's alright to just fucking explode some times.
I hope this is helpful in any ways.
Wall of text crits me for double damage! (I forget which software I used once which used this to introduce their licence dialog)
Seriously, though, people can be tough to handle. It doesn't always help emotionally to remember that you can't control other people, but it helps me at least to remember that I am not responsible for other people's stupidity and it is not my job to prevent their bad decisions. My job is to be the voice of reason and as much support as the situation allows (never enable stupidity, but alienating stupid people deliberately, i.e. as my choice not theirs, is not great either).
People make everything more complicated, especially since not everyone sees the world the same way. (It's important to remember this, and that this isn't necessarily wrong.)
Good luck with your situation.
jeeper52052yUhh, you feel any better now?