This day was awful. I just want to disappear. I want to stop existing, and come back in a few days. I had a day of pure depression and insecurity.

Don't bother replying or upvoting, that's just me writing this in the open for no reason.

Ask for help. People do care. And whatever you do: don't give up.

I just had almost the same thoughts. Day was full of shit, as the next days will be. Emotional wreck, and work sucks, too.

But hey, there are people who do care about you. And even me. Just like most of us folks here in the dR family.

Keep your head up. life can be a bitch. but stay strong - it will get better dventually.

@cdev @k0pernikus @CoffeeNcode Thanks. I actually do think I lead a shitty life, but I don't plan on giving up. I just want to skip parts of my life. The ones with insecurities.

Other than that, I'll only be bothersome if I ask for help. I hate seeking for attention.

Dude definitely talk to some friends. Feeling insecure about stuff does suck but there are very realistic ways of getting over it. Either realize it's not a big deal or address the thing you are insecure about.

For instance I was really insecure about my body since I never really worked out and I thought I looked fat and ugly.

It took me a while, but a combination of having my friends there to tell me I was fine along with starting to work out really helped. I didn't even need to immidietly get jacked, just the fact that I got into a routine and started doing something about it really helped.

I don't really know what you are insecure about, but I can gaurentee you that either you can do something to address it (not that your a bad person or something, it can just help your confidence to work on it) and/or it's not a big deal.

You also can't be prideful and think that you don't want to bother people. You need to understand that the people in your life want to be there for you.

Also hmu on telegram @Iambots if you just want someone to anonymous to talk to. I get how that can help.

@NULLmaster I'm basically insecure about everything. Me, in general. And some existential questions about me, which I don't like the answers.

And thanks for the advice, but I'm not planning on talking to my friends about that. I write all of my dark and existential thoughts down, and keep them. Maybe someday I'll make someone read them.

Alright man... Well feel free to hmu. I'll listen to you if you feel you need it! Don't keep it bottled up forever man :)

@NULLmaster Maybe I will. Don't know. You can still ask questions here. I don't really know what to tell you, so if you want to know something just ask. Its anonymous here after all

@TheOct0 how old are you

If you don't mind me asking

And from the brief interactions we've had I have found you to be a smart, funny guy, the type that probably will always do a good job, who thinks of the details and who cares. These are good qualities.

@SauceBoss What makes you think I am?

@rant1ng I'm lazy as fuck. And I don't think I'm funny. I just say out loud what I think.

I'm 19.

@TheOct0 bro, that's normal.

I'm 39

Trust me when I say

It gets easier and harder at the same time lol

Humans are not static, they are dynamic and can be anything. It's your choice.

Stay strong! Everyone has a bad day at times. But always remember that there's people who care about you. I for one certainly do :)

@rsync @Condor @SauceBoss @rant1ng @NULLmaster @cdev @k0pernikus @CoffeeNcode

Turns out it wasn't just a bad day. It was the open door to depression.

Instead of just having one of my usual mood swings, I entered full-on clinical depression. Yay.

I also can't login into my account. I'm gonna let go of devRant, since I don't want to turn it into depressionRant. Thanks for the support.

@rsync Well I could just stay here and continue on ranting, but I know exactly what it's going to revolve around, since I'm not doing anything anymore.

Also, there is some entertainment in depression. I discover every day that a lot of things I though were overexaggerated by so-called depressive people are in fact true. Cutting your hair for no particular reason. Not eating. Ceasing every activity you used to like.

See? That's why I don't want to pollute everyone's threads.

@rsync Mine didn't come from anything. At first, since I was constantly sad, I thought some things were the cause of it. When I understood I was actually depressive, I understood that I wasn't sad about anything, really. That was kind of uplifting in all this mess. I'm still sad though.

I wouldn't even know what to rant about. Since my life now is more or less just playing sad guitar not to cry randomly (which doesn't help, but at least I'm busy) and... well, being sad, that would just end up being me paraphrasing my own self-deprecative rants. I don't want to put that here.

@AnotherOct0 my sister had very bad depression. She is now able to cope and doing a lot better. Please don't leave I liked your posts and comments

@CoffeeNcode I'll spare you the "I don't deserve" crap, but no, I'm not being treated or anything. I'm feeling fine when I'm with my loved one (depression crushes down again the instant she leaves me, I have noticed), so that helps.

@rant1ng Thanks. I don't really feel like being here anymore to be honest. Especially since I appear to be IP banned and can't login in my account (or @Solstice's, for that matter).

@AnotherOct0 sorry to hear that. However, do know that we're here for you. In fact I'm chronically depressed as well, and the only thing that keeps me from literally going batshit insane in realization of how messed up this world has become, is.. well, this place, devRant. If it wasn't for this, I probably would've gotten myself into a psychiatric institution again. So you're not alone.. and please do value the things that may help you get back to your usual self. Anyway, whatever you choose to do, I'm here for you. If anything comes up, feel free to send me an email. Take care!

@CoffeeNcode Don't bother dfox with that, it's okay. At least I think it's not worth it. I'll maybe get into it if I ever feel like getting TheOct0 and the plethora of meh posts I made back.

@SauceBoss I have no idea. Maybe I'll check if it lasts too long. Thanks.

@Condor Thanks man. I'm not in the support phase yet, I'm in more of a "I'm depressed but I don't really want to change" mood. Maybe you get it. Thanks anyways. I pressed that "delete account" button a dozen times, but since something is wrong with my account it didn't register. Maybe some superior thing want me here after all. If this same superior dude could just let me log in again one day that would be the best.

I just hope this is just a few days or weeks long, and not a few years.

@AnotherOct0 I hope that you'll be able to sort things out at some point. But take your time, and be sure to talk to someone that you trust. Talking really helps a lot. Could be a friend, a family member, or even just a psychologist. Last ones I've tried time and time again and I didn't find them to be very genuine though.. so meh.

From a depression resolution course that I went to at age 15 (7 years ago?) I learned that it's a good thing to force yourself to do certain activities during the day. That way you stay active and fight the urge to stay in bed that depression induces. Also, write down 3 good things every day that make you happy. Simple things like having a roof over your head, being clothed, having the money to survive and buy drinks and food whenever you need it. Or more complicated things like that time long ago in which you were really delighted, something that you vividly remember as having been good.

Perhaps it'd be a good thing for you to go to one of those courses as well actually. During my acute depression phase back then (a few years of wanting to kill myself pretty much every day) that really helped a lot.

@Condor I'm not sure I'm at a stage where I want to get better. I guess it's what depression is about, but I don't want it. I don't know. I tick every criteria for depression, except from the suicidal thoughts. Which might come later. Or not. I'll just have to follow the episodes to see how all of this turns out.

Thanks for being there though, Condor. Appreciate you.

Would you happen to have some free time currently? I guess having something to do in which someone other than me is involved could get me on rails. I don't want you to feel obligated to do anything, that being said. Please only consider this of you're in need of something to do too. Or not. Live your life, you can find me in my bed if you ever need me.

Does alcohol actually help by the way?

@AnotherOct0 Alcohol? Sort of. It depends. But it's extremely addictive. And drinking too much while feeling bad caused me to remove my account here earlier :') so I wouldn't recommend it.

As for free time, sure! That repository doesn't seem like a bad thing to get around a bit further. I did end up having to use curl in C though, as the shell expansion drove me nuts. But I'm not very proficient in C yet... Guess I'll have to read that C book that I had printed out again..

Or if you happen to like MMORPG's, how about joining me in Toram Online? That way there doesn't need to be too much thinking involved :)

@AnotherOct0 week then don't

Leave, it's cool.

Just don't give up

@Condor I'm not into MMORPGs, but I guess I could try. Also, since you so brutally changed your avatar, I thought it was Linux answering here ^^

@rant1ng I'm not planning in giving up. Even if it's through the worst, I decided to die from a natural cause.

@AnotherOct0 haha, sorry about that 😛 and yeah, if you're interested, just ping me here or on mail. It's just that that's the only multiplayer game that I play these days 😅 and I haven't been online there for a while.. so yeah. And I'm not very motivated to do programming these days either, so I figured that gaming would be easier for the both of us to get busy with, haha.

@Condor I'll keep it in mind

Just dropping by to say that I'm feeling alright today. I hope it's gonna last.

Hi, how are you all doing? I hope this "new message on a rant you commented on" notification won't be drowned by the other ones