Had this recently with a client, mysql server of one of our shared hosting servers went down:

Senior engineer 1: heads up guys, mysql of {server name} is down, working on it! *calls second engineer in*
Support people: thanks for letting know! (in case clients call about it)

Me: good afternoon, how can I help you?
Client: this site which we manage for a shared customer says it can't connect to the database...
M: is it hosted on {server name of mysql problems}
C: yes.
M: there's a mysql disruption there right now, we're working on it!
C: *starts guilt tripping me about thy they chose us for stability reasons and now this happens*
M: sir, I can't change this situation so you can go on and on about that but it's not going to help anyone.
C: okay, so what can I tell my client?
M: you can tell that we have a mysql server disruption right now and are working to fix it as soon as possible!
C: and what am I going to tell my client if they don't accept that answer?
M: you can tell that we are fixing this disruption as soon as possible.
C: yes you said that but what if they don't accept that answer, what am I going to tell them THEN?!
M: Listen, sir. We have a disruption right now. It's not fun but whether I tell this by writing it to you in a fairy tail or shout it at you, it's not going to make a difference.
We have a disruption and we are working on i....


Well, fuck you too.

  • 39
    See this... This is why I can't be with customer support.

    When you said "listen, sir" I would have said "listen here mother fucker. I've said all I have to fucking say. There's a fucking error and we're fixing it."

    The levels of bullshit I can deal with are decreasing drastically.
  • 24
    @Stuxnet I've trained to stay calm and nice. 😅
  • 9
    @linuxxx it'll take quite a bit of training for me

    I guess the fact I'm shy is a positive with me remaining calm lol
  • 23
    There is a simple and elegant answer to everything.

    Here is an example: "Just like with any other technological of mechanical product - failures happen, no one on earth can keep it from ever happening, you chose us because you trust us to catch up on int as soon as it happens and because we have the right people to fix this as fast as possible. To your clients that don't accept this response you can explain that much like a car can break down, or a light-bulb to burn out - computer services might have disruptions as well, and that you have hired the best people to fix it as soon as possible". If it is an important client I'd also suggest you offer him that you'd keep an eye on the situation for him so you can call him every X hours to deliver an update on the situation and finally let him know when the problem is resolved.

    Customer service is an art, not a job
  • 8
    @rantOverflow can I use this script!?
  • 1
    @rantOverflow bro, I'm stealing your script. Thanks :)
  • 2
  • 0
    Clients are shit.
  • 0
    @varikvalefor you just called yourself shit lol
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