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Watch 3 videos about iOS/Swift on YouTube, and now I'm getting a frontpage full of recordings of app development events and iPhone reviews.

Listen to one kpop track on Spotify out of curiosity, and now the recommendation playlist is polluted with music I really don't like.

If we are going to hand our balls to AI and expect it to be a glorious fondling fest, don't cry if it suddenly realizes "nuts? aren't those supposed to be cracked?".

I mean what's fucking next? Where will this "smart" shit end up?

I accidentally click on a my little pony meme, and amazon will drone-strike me with 500 gallons of glitter? I drunkenly mumble "OK google how do kangaroos fuck" in the back of a self-driving Uber, I'm going to be dropped off in a shady alley and raped by a dozen walibis?

STOP FUCKING TRYING TO UNDERSTAND ME, INTERNET. I JUST WANT TO FUCKING USE YOU, NOT BE USED BY YOU, THIS WASN'T THE DEAL.

If you truly understood me, internet, I would probably not even give a fuck about privacy. But you are all building these profiles wrong.

You don't understand that I might be interested in juggling tricks today, tomorrow it might be all about crocheting a wool sweater for my penis, and the day after that I'm curious how many corpses it would take to fill up an olympic swimming pool.

NO I'M NOT ACTUALLY INTERESTED IN THAT QUORA, STOP SENDING ME RECOMMENDATION EMAILS ON HIDING MURDER VICTIMS, MY BOSS WILL THINK I'M WEIRD.

Yeah of course I could pulls some plugs, anonymize the shit out of my online life. I respect those who manage to just say "Fuck you Google, I'm sick of your shit, I'm going cold turkey".

But these platforms are feeding us heroin-laced candy.

All your coworkers friends and family with their oled-lit zombiefaces, staring at tiny screens, all absent-mindedly grasping your ankles whispering "aww take one more hit with us, check out this funny youtube clip, let me send it to you on whatsapp.... what you don't have whatsapp? You deleted your facebook? don't you love grandma anymore? Why do you hate your family?"

Before you know it, you watched ten episodes about cultivating cactuses, have a year subscription to brilliant, skillshare, squarespace and 3 different organic foodboxes are delivered to your door, Netflix is spamming you about a cupcake baking show, and you're thinking about same-day delivery for a baseball bat so you can just beat the crap out of every pretty glass display you see.

I want to break up with you, Internet.

I love you, but I hate you.

Since you passed 2.0, you have grown into a manipulative bitch.

I just don't know if I'm strong enough. It's all "let's just be friends" with you, but I know you'll be trying to reel me back in.

Before I know it, you're feeding me cookies once again, and I'll end up balls deep with your trackers stuck to my dick.

Comments
  • 11
    Little sister looks at a few BTS videos on my account, CONSTANT KPOP.
    Like to watch videos of non-garbage videogames, FUCKING FORTNIGHT FUCKING EVERYWHERE ON MY FUCKING FEED.
    Actively trying as hard as possible to get youtube to reccomend me retro-tech and computer restorations.

    ...Zip. Nada. FUCKING NOTHING.

    Hey do you want to watch 10 tricks you can do with a paperclip and a bottle of gatorade?

    FUCKING NO YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!!
  • 9
    @Ellis The magical feed of interesting recommendations is so incredibly fragile. Bite the clickbait once, and it all falls apart again.
  • 2
    @Ellis doesn't removing said kpop video from your history work as a purge for future recommendations?
  • 4
    @Commodore Nope. Kept getting that shit for a while after doing that.
  • 4
    @bittersweet you killed me with your glitter drone strike 😂
    If it ever gets released I'm definitely sending my little poney memes to everyone, every. single. day.

    That said, I get how frustrating the current AI state can be, however you do realize it is still in its very early stages right?
  • 5
    "since you passed 2.0 you have grown into a manipulative bitch"

    Lovely
  • 2
    @Commodore Yeah that kind of scares me though.

    The question is, what will improve faster, accuracy or pervasiveness? If AI plans your whole life, it better not misrecognize any patterns.
  • 3
    Amazing. And so true.
    I now have multiple youtube accounts so I can get specific content on each one, for example one for just watching racing videos. It is annoying. Do I need to do this with every feed/recommendation based website? 😣
    It's incredible that we've reached such a point with technology that was supposed to make it easier for find content your interested in
  • 1
    I think it's a notion of selling things to people rather than just showing where they are to be found - so they can independently decide what to do with this information. No, if you looked for crocheting wool, fucking buy a big bucket of wool at least.

    Also, simplification - it's like those persons that see you doing something in a CLI and then, boom, you're a hacker, can you fix my printer? They see one aspect and can't imagine you're a complex person with more or even more diverse interests than that, and might even actively hinder you in developing other interests "outside your field".

    So, if you'd trust an AI with your interests in the future, will it keep you a simple, easily satisfied person or will it encourage you to develop your interests? Also, should that be the decision of an "outside entity" to make?
  • 3
    OMG, I want all the silicon valley CEO's to read this!

    Wish I could give 10++'s
  • 3
    I keep wondering if the dark net will end up being the reboot of the internet. If everyone gets too fed up and starts mirroring their sites on darknet we could start revolution.
  • 5
    @nin0x03 I think this is so important.

    People talk about AI as something which might influence us negatively in the future, but we are already halfway into its beak.

    Where I work, machine learning is used among other things to balance labor markets, recognize supply shortages and gauge interests so HR departments know how to hire, schools know how to adjust their curriculum and policy makers can subsidize or campaign for certain sectors — and even know where to add public transport to lessen supply/demand gradients and decrease unemployment.

    That's all amazing, but we're moving more and more to a world where Alexa will give you career advice, OK Google will set you up with a date and Siri will tell you to eat a kilogram of chocolate for nutrients a day.

    At some point you might sit fat and unhappy with your job on the couch next to a person you don't love, bingewatching a dumb show and you wonder how you got there. (wait... that already happens? We already failed?)

    Even if in a best case scenario where Google doesn't have malicious intent, AI is still a black box, grown complex enough it might take Google's profit into account — not set you up with a blind date which maximizes your happiness but instead maximizes your ad conversion rates.

    A lovely but boring person, someone you don't love but can't break up with, who synergizes with you to make impulse purchases. You get into debt, but you raise kids who will have even stronger impulsive behavior through both nature and nurture.

    At that point the environment strongly guides our evolution, and within a few generations you can effectively breed out certain traits.

    Just like we domesticated foxes within 50 years, AI will domesticate humans within a few decades, and we are so susceptible to this that we have already succumbed to this notion before the rise of AI, it already started with web 2.0 and the construction of large personalized advertisment profiles.
  • 0
    @bittersweet

    Wow, you have described my current situation to a T. I blame AI!!!!! It all makes sense now!

    Obviously we do this ourselves just as easy.

    But they do need to get a reign on this entire gauging one's true interests because it is out of control. I get ads for beginner courses on youtube on Udemy and it really pisses me off Google thinks I am a beginner.
  • 2
    @rsync of course it's not all about profiling, advertising, profit maximization and AI as puppetmasters.

    But customer behavior analysis and offline advertisment have been formidable guiding forces for the population over the last half century.

    We optimistically call current interfaces "assistants", but we seem to be fully committed to having AI as our babysitters, without fully screening then for potential abusive behavior.

    Awesome initiatives like openAI are having fun winning DOTA matches, but we need to quickly have the GNU-analogue to Alexa.
  • 2
    @bittersweet I couldn't agree more, though I might want to add we are pretty good at being unhappy even without AI.

    I see the biggest factor in this really at a personal level, all the data feeding an algorithm that you don't understand because you don't know how it works, because there are not tools yet make the decisions generated by an AI transparent and perfectly reasonable.
    Also, we don't have a way to see whether we're being lied to or if there is another intention than our own at work.
    I think this awareness is lacking severely, because, we used to be happy, it can't be all bad, right, also, it might even generate money!
    On the other hand - it's not like AI is already everywhere and there are societies influenced by it.

    But then I hear about ML as an aid for judges in the US law enforcement system or about your job (and am glad it's you doing it) and think about China and their social credit system and then I just lay wide awake, unable to sleep and dream of the singularity.
  • 2
    " "once upon a time there was a big empire, ruling over the whole known world. Its emperor had a great weapon, that gave him the power to subjugate anyone else.
    It was so hard to build and mantain that only the emperor, the image of the empire's power and unity, could take on such burden. He feared no one.
    And time goes on. With lot of people working on the weapon great results come, it gets always stronger and easier to produce, since the emperor commands to build an army."

    Lot of time has passed since then, and lot has changed. The emperor grow old watching his empire falling apart under the attack of uncountable imitation of his weapon! People dared and come up with their own build of the weapon! First his own generals, then the king of every city of his boundless empire, and today any family can afford to have his own, if only the emperor could see what is left of his great weapon!"
  • 1
    Or, in few words, we can interface ourself with amazon AI with another one, build to recognize when amazon wants us to buy his shit, and decide if we should listen to it or not.

    this is just an example randomly thrown, I don't have enough knowledge of AI or ML to go in details
  • 1
    Rants? Aren't these supposed to be upvoted?
  • 0
    @AlgoRythm If you like the rant, yes :)

    Personally, I'd like to see more bloodrage-filled rants, personal touching stories and funny anecdotes again on devRant, instead of screenshots/tweets/comics.
  • 1
    I did not expect a rant to be so witty and funny and well written like this.

    Take my ++s
  • 2
    Man you really should start a writing career, I like the dramaturgy and choice of words. Honestly. Now take my upvote and let me sink back into that work hole.
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