AboutCreative, intelligent and lazy... The perfect programmer.
Skillsc#, JS, SQL
LocationDurban, South Africa
Joined devRant on 12/2/2016
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So the lady that owns the coffee shop at the office park I work in, is as obsessed with coffee as I am, and very proud of her cappuccino making skills.
As a result of our discussions about coffee, when ever I come into the shop, she takes over from the barista to make my cappuccino personal to ensure that it's perfect.
That is a wonderful gesture, but the barista make a much better cappuccino than she does.
I don't want to hurt her feelings, what do I do?19
Fuck networks division for being so goddamn incompetent!
Fuck management for not letting me host on Cloud!3
Back in my classic asp days, I used to average 12 hour work days with a few 16 hour days as the deadline drew near. No pills, just caffeine, junk food and cigarettes.
I'm sure the way I behaved in my 20's has cost me a decade of my life.
The worst was an 19 hour stretch, but I started getting confused and puking so I slept for 3 hours before finishing and then presenting.
I'm just glad those days are behind me.
I think I'm way more productive and healthy now at just 8 hours a day.
Me muttering to myself: Oh shit…
Me: Fuck this SQL query, it’s like a goddam essay!
Me: What the fuck is this?
Me: Oh crap, now I’m gonna have to check the joins…
Me: That’s gota go
Also Me: …and that bit
Me: Yea, we don’t use that anymore
Also Me: O.K. Let’s test it
Me: That didn’t work, let's see if I do this…
Me: But I fixed that!!!
Me: Why isn’t it working?
Also Me: It should be working, it thinks it's smarter than us!
Me: We checked everything, It should be working!
Also Me: Filthy query, we hates it, we fucking hates it!
Other developers: *Start backing away*3
I wanted some ideas on how to word an error message better, so I googled "error message best practices".
80% of the results were about form validation and not actual code breaking errors >:(
On the up-side, I now know that I must not say "No, Bad User!"5
Attention Irish developers.
What's the pay like for developers in Ireland compared to the cost of living?
I have been offered a job there with migration support, but I don't want to go be poor in another country when I have it pretty good in my homeland. Also, what is the industry like, is there a healthy work life balance?5
Fuck MS Report Builder!
Fuck the people on the internet that made this all seem like it was feasible and easy!5
Why would you do this?
public Array multiContent;
I'm working on a legacy c# app, trying to understand what the developers were doing here1
If you gona reference a web.config key in your code, wrap it in a try/catch and throw a useful error, for fuck sake!
TLDR: Why the fuck is a senior developer creating multiple instances of a core piece of logic all over the fucking application?!?!?!?
Context: I am also a senior dev, and have worked with this guy for years. He has even completed me on my clean code practices and architecture, so I really cant understand why he would copy and paste a public class into 3 other models on the project instead of just referencing the original. I’m just posting this hear as my version of screaming into a pillow in frustration, and to avoid badmouthing him to co-workers.6
I scoured my memory, and realized that I have never had a fight with another developer in all my years. Yes, there have been debates, but they were logical. There are even a few unresolved debates, due to preference and ideology, but never anything with enough emotion to be called a fight.
That's pretty cool. We are smart people and can discuss important issues without resorting to petty bickering.2
Anybody seen the The "Boring Software" manifesto? what do you think?
As software developers we are tired of the false claims made by evangelists of the latest and greatest technology. We will no longer confront them with their lack of understanding of computer science fundamentals, nor will we defend our lack of knowledge of their hyped and volatile technologies.
More at https://tqdev.com/2018-the-boring-s...2
I vehemently despise the popular image of developers as borderline autistic savants living on junk food and working 24 hour days!
You see, I bought into that vision and became that person. When I first started working as a developer, I would work crazy long hours, eating junk food while neglecting my health and personal life. This behavior was encouraged by my boss and co-workers, and became expected, with the sales people boasting about it to the clients, like is somehow proved I was a better developer.
It's no big surprise that this kind of life comes at a cost and can not be sustained. I burnt out, my life fell to pieces and my body fucked out on me.
It's taken me years to repair the damage and I am still doing so.
I now work at a company that understands the importance of a healthy work/life balance, and I take full advantage of that.
Perhaps if I had a wise mentor when I first started, I could have worked smarter instead of harder and respected the needs of my mind and body.
I am that mentor now.
Developers are smart people, we should stop glamorising a stupid lifestyle.12
TLDR: Ask irritating questions, you could end up saving the company money and time...
I’m working on a project where we are integrating 2 legacy web applications with each other.
Business Analyst/Project manager (BA) : Save all the contact details of the selected firm in application A into the database of application B, then expose that data later so that we can output it into the document when the user generates them.
Me: Seems a bit excessive, there’s even a fax number, nobody uses that anymore, are you sure we need all that?
BA: The old document has all that information.
Me: Please just check with client that witch fields are still needed in the document.
BA: Ok, fine, but it’s probably a waste of time…
BA: * Talks with client on phone for 10 minz *
BA: Ok client stays we only need the Lodgement Number on the document.
Me: We already store that and populate it in the document.
BA: I had budgeted 2 days labour for all that, you just saved us a lot of money!
Sometimes I use "KillMe" or "FML" in my debugging strings as a silent cry against whatever-the-fuck has upset me.2
Management suddenly decide to push for an early go-live for a product being worked on by another dev team in the company. As a result we are pulled in to help and get extra tasks loaded onto our sprint.
My co-worker pulled an all nighter to get the extra work done.
I emailed the project manager to remove items from my sprint to make space for the new work.
Am I lazy, or smart?6
When I build a large project, I open devRant, Imgur or youtube while I wait, but get so caught up that I don't realize when the build is done and spend way to long surfing when I should be working
I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown due to all the pressure at work, and my boss sat me down one day and said "Don't take it so personally, it's only work".
He explained that you simply cannot make all the people happy all the time, you can only do your best, and that is good enough.7
So there was a 2b || !2b post on here the other day, I created my own version and posted to the developer group at work...
BTW: Sorry about the bright white, can't change the chat background on slack.5
To a fellow dev on my team; If you notice a difference between the spec and the database structure, just fucking talk to the BA! Don’t code something that fails and put it into QA.
And constantly saying “It’s not my job” is a severely career limiting move you dogmatic little shit.2
Things will always take longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law (which is that things will always take longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law).3