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jestdotty
9h

TIL empathy I've always had is auras

I am an idiot

ok time for a crazy story

so I've been sick 3 years. when I got sick I went to the hospital and I couldn't explain to the doctor what my issue was in a way he would understand. I hadn't slept in 2 weeks and couldn't, and it had all started with a weird headache (which was neither a migraine because I had those before, and my BF thought maybe it was a stroke but the doctor said no it was a migraine even tho migraines do not feel like that). one of the things the doctor couldn't seem to comprehend is how I said I didn't have "space" in my head anymore. he just totally ignored that. I kept coming back to the hospital and trying to all the different people. I was confused, exhausted, had to keep pacing or i felt myself fading out, felt my "consciousness" nearly going "lights out" all the time (like a shade was being closed on my eyes). had weird electrolyte misbalance issues which made me pee out a lot of water and then the consciousness lights out feeling would modulate. my resting heart rate was 110 whereas before I couldn't even get it over 80 exercising lol, not to mention I always had conscious control over it and yet here I didn't -- nurses tried to get me to meditate and it wouldn't work! I also had to say all my thoughts out loud and couldn't think in my own head. my whole world became "flat". prior to this I thought in spatialness -- I could generate and simulate 3d+ dimensions in my head, like dreamscapes, I could simulate visuals, textures, sounds, smells, even turns out mix foods I've had or invent totally new tastes from aspects of foods I knew existed. apparently not everyone can do this (I didn't know at the time). I also could simulate empathy in there and other more complex stuff. I lost all that. strangely I couldn't empathy feel IRL people's emotions anymore either (which was always trivial for me before, it was harder for me not to). nor could I understand what they were saying to me anymore. I could see them LITERALLY say it but I couldn't understand. it was weird. I didn't know it at the time and it only occurred to me weeks later that I was "alone" (disconnected I just realized). I have NEVER felt alone in my life before. now I understand

about 9 months ago I started getting my intuition back. so I can ask in my head for advice and a voice will aswer or sensate nudge me in a direction. this inspired me to look into witches, since I was sick and witches do herbs and stuff. why not. everybody kept saying psychosomatic. well magic-type shit is psychosomatic, clearly? if it works it works. I ain't gonna question it

I started practicing it and etc but didn't really get it. but now I am understanding so much

so the whole reason why that doctor didn't understand is because all of those abilities come from the soul... my whole life I've been empathetic and mind-reading. I can even read someone's intentions and thoughts from their texts. and this isn't like projection-stuff (though now I understand better how that works also... which I never could before. I studied psychology for a bit after a bad job situation but projection had never made sense to me)

you can hear words and not see the mental images associated with them. this means you're disconnected from your mental plane, ignoring it, maybe because it's fucked up which was the case with me. I have absolutely no clue what the fuck rammed me. but I've been meditating and fixing my soul-realms (etheric, astral, mental... and I regained access to the casual! now I understand why people acted confused when I could tell the future! cuz they can't hear the casual realm yet!)

and I was looking into reiki healing. everybody seems to have the opinion that you could just send "healing energy". while true this is immensely exhausting. apparently reiki is literally "rei" the god-consciousness of life (like spanky) moves "ki" which is energy. so you connect to rei, figure it out, and suddenly you can channel rei... sounds cool

as I was listening to a chick describe reiki and reiki concerns... I fucking figured out how empathy works. and why my life's been fucked. d'oh. this magic shit solves everything

rant

empathy

emotions
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  • 1
    9h
    so if someone does something bad to be, I won't "retaliate". but I will let them know it was not cool. because I'm empathetic from a young age I figured me just expressing, like feeling the emotion loudly, would communicate it. it's not technically retaliation. it's just on me. yes, I'm putting myself in an exaggerated loud state to communicate, but I want to be clear. anyway growing up I noticed people didn't always detect it, so I did it louder and louder. this wasn't like stomping my feet or something. my face is blank, and I don't look any different. but inside I'm generating the emotion strongly, and I'll do an unamused face for the body language communication, which I only learned later when I found out some people needed lessons to read facial expressions for emotions! lol
  • 1
    9h
    the emotion I most often generated if someone did something that wasn't cool (like "forcing their emotions on me") was anger. I kept it to myself, like in a boundary. like basically "fuck off" energy. this was me as a kid. it happened naturally because I had found my mother to be invasive, and while other kids got bullied and had such issues I was like an untouchable god which now in retrospect is funny (I became bullier of bullies and they'd come for help, and would often befriend the bullies sooo. peacemaker shit)

    later on when I was in school I noticed if I felt overwhelmed by people's stuff I would always "gain self control" if I just felt anger. so I had associated anger with self control. I ended up driving myself and solving a lot of cool and impossible challenges because of this -- anger was the fuel that allowed me to expertly control myself. like playing any sport, getting good at running, playing competitive video games, even hacking, coding, etc
  • 0
    9h
    now the problem came when I had my job... because they would harass me and I would get angry, and it seemed like they couldn't read it or weren't interested in it. I was basically in constant rage... well what happened was I kept meeting a lot of passive aggressive people. it became my biggest pet peeve. if you have a problem just say it (and ofc for my job I kept telling them my problems but they kept ignoring, minimizing, gaslighting, so I'm not being a hypocrite here and it didn't seem to me like I was projecting)
    this even caused my roommate who I don't think was even comfortable with anger to become passive aggressive -- he kept having nightmares of me wanting to kill him and I was like ??? why. all because my go-to reflex to his whining was to tune it out with anger so I could just "hear myself think"
    hell it even happened with dudes I would date. actually at an expedited rate which was even more interesting! I kept just viewing them as pussies and being disappointed lol
  • 1
    9h
    as I was watching this reiki video, the chick got to the question of "when you heal someone can you pick up their energy?"... and she put her hands up into fists as faux sock puppets, and made bad energy on one and a normal person's energy on the other... and while she was playing with these I was like holy shit. because I could see how she used the normal sock puppet to block the energy of the other. I did not realize auras is what generates emotions wtf.
  • 1
    9h
    but she also DID NOT use anger as a shield. she made a "sovereign" shield. I can't even describe it as a word. that doesn't feel right to me. but I saw it in the video, and because I saw it I can copy it on my aura. and oh my fucking God. she mentioned "accidentally" that you just overpower their aura... but also in reiki you can get resonance -- like you heal the person, and then the healing goes into your aura so you accidentally heal yourself in the same way. so me this whole time using anger to block out everybody else was me overpowering them with irrational anger. because it just kept fucking happening. people would get mad passive aggressively on me and they literally had no fucking reason for it. like I would even talk to them and they couldn't explain it. wtf. even people that claimed not to have empathy themselves and otherwise never reacted to emotions of others!
  • 1
    9h
    on top of it I was always immensely hurt by that pattern of, someone does something bad, I look unamused or annoyed at them, and suddenly I'm the one with the bad attitude and getting bullied into "allowing" them to do that thing to me. which is fucked up I might add. I ain't gonna stick around for that. so I'd just leave every time and it gave me so much social anxiety cuz it would just repeatedly happen all the fucking tiiime to the point where I just don't do people anymore

    so sovereign aura is a great thing. cuz if it resonates then the other person also wants to be sovereign. way better than channeling anger like some fucking DBZ character lol, or having people bitch about "your bad vibe" when they're the fuckers who generated it oh my God take some self responsibility! (funny now)
  • 2
    9h
    ... and in retrospect it was always auras. like in high school people were anxious and if I was calm I could calm them. later on after magic mushrooms I had learned how to communicate the calmness with cats, so I can just meet cats on the street and 70% of the time we friends now. I also used it as an adult with a couple people I was dating who were quite anxious but I did not know how it worked at all. wow. and cured some dude of woes he had and we became friends after -- he didn't even tell me anything he just said I had a "nice vibe" and bam feels better

    AND NOW I CAN JUST BLOCK OUT ANYTHING AND I DONT EVEN HAVE TO BE PISSED ABOUT IT
  • 5
    7h
    Glad you're making progress and figuring things out :D
  • 2
    5h
    Sounds like a breaktrough.
  • 1
    5h
    Interesting. I don't believe in most alternative medicines, but I am glad your condition is getting better. While not even remotely a doctor, it seems like you suffered some sort of brain trauma possibly from a minor stroke and you've been working on your own way to recover the cognitive ability in the damaged areas of your brain, while fighting the ever-frustrating medical system of wherever you live (it's bad everywhere)

    I do wonder what sort of brain scans and other diagnostic sessions you've been through.
  • 0
    5h
    > 'one of the things the doctor couldn't seem to comprehend is how I said I didn't have "space" in my head anymore.'

    D: 'How do I run `sudo rm -rf /*` on her brain to give her more space?'.

    ...The question must've been on his mind, but he was to shy to ask for help.

    /jk
  • 0
    3h
    I think the biggest mistake Western medicine has made is ignoring Eastern old world medicine. But the state of Western medicine is making money from chronic illness. It has zero desire to actually solve root causes. There isn't money in it.

    BTW, you can check to see if your doctor gets kickbacks from pharma in the USA. There is a list online somewhere. We checked our doctor. He is not on this list. He also didn't push the totally safe experimental vaccines either. When we told his practice we will never consider another vaccine ever, they said okay. They marked it in our file to never ask again.
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