reading a book on depression, which this psych dude I met apparently glowed about when I mentioned it. pretty sure this was a popular and pivotal book in psychology. "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy"

it has a quiz in it for "dysfunctional attitudes" which after you take it will tell you your psychological strengths / resiliencies and weaknesses / things people can abuse and manipulate you with, which will cause stress and eventual depression

then the guy tries to argue at the end of the quiz against you having the dysfunctional attitudes with this and that reason. which I'm finding quite validating because..

I took the quiz and scored it the first time I was like "whoa I'm so weak" but apparently I reversed the numbers because my brain is scrambled eggs. in reality I have no weaknesses, and the things that most annoyed people about me and had them try to put the most pressure on me are my strengths. I am so validated

but the problem is... ummm... everyone is highly fucking dysfunctional and they think you're the problem if you're different from them. if they can't manipulate you then they get irate and think you're good for nothing (you could just ASK instead of manipulating me. I always found this so disrespectful and insulting)

now I'm thinking my job PTSD / fear / anxiety is because everyone's attitudes at work were so dysfunctional. they really didn't sell me that such a life would be worth living. and in this book, yeah, literally those attitudes were tested to cause emotional and mental issues in people. wtf. I felt not built for this world but it is the world that is wrong -- according to this book anyway

so that gave me some hope but trying to research workplace attitudes made me feel worse. it's so wild to me that we believe these things as a culture and try to impose them on each other when they make us miserable

and workplaces seem to literally be looking for these "insecurities" (how I saw it before this quiz). that if you fail to agree or be friends with everybody that you're worthless. that if something you say upsets someone it's your fault. toxic competitive mindsets where you should always be "on" or you're worthless. displaying weaknesses is gross, etc. put others needs before your own. the stupid status or competence means happiness myth which always drove me wild about people because in my experience status is just a manipulation tactic and there's no gold at the end of the rainbow, just management then making everyone an enemy of yours by using you as a measuring stick until people unnecessarily hate you which is just so goddamned toxic (all the while you're not even making more money but you are working more unpaid overtime -- also the myth of "if you put in the work you will be rewarded" which they told me even though I don't believe in entitlement and then how am I supposed to rationalize that they promised me something and it wasn't even my attitude / belief but I got to suffer the depression from it anyway because they told me that was the worldview I should be having to belong and be a "professional"?)

omg and perfectionism. finish everything you start. I even got these at interviews totally unprompted, but it isn't like I lacked content for them to judge me on

I remember a "friend" heard I got let go at a job and he started laughing and saying what a failure I am and I was taken aback because I was having issues with my boss there. I felt _relieved_ they let me go, because it was causing me stress to try to work with my boss who wouldn't communicate her expectations to me but would always get mad at me and not explain why she was. to me that whole situation was dysfunctional. to the company, none of my co workers saw it as a problem, and eventually I contacted HR and a few days later I was let go so I guess they didn't see it as a problem either. it was a problem, objectively though, like how physics works. if you don't say what you want you're not going to get it. it was making me crazy trying to explain that to people. I was happy to be rid of the problem. but this guy for days went on how it was a personal failure of mine, but all I could think of was how I knew myself better from the experience. and this "friend" wasn't the only tech person who sided with dysfunctionality in tech. an ex of mine was vicious another time and you'd think someone you're dating would have your back, but in his head all criticism was always valid and he was in the wrong if he ever got any and should be ashamed of himself as a person and he put that on me and I thought that was so fucked up

recently someone got irate at me and terminated friendship because something a mutual friend of ours said to me was unhelpful and I told the guy as such. well said guy took it personally, and then I was under pressure to be "compassionate", and "understanding". yo what about being understanding of me? when I wouldn't go with the pressure he turned a cold shoulder🤷

I swear the world is fucking mad

reading a book on emotional intelligence and it's quite dystopian that it's funny. I got the name of it from a highly sensitive person book praising it (so you'd think they would be sensitive and empathetic, and be able to perspective-take and all that jazz)... he also keeps talking about how cognitive capability doesn't mean better social skills but better social skills means better cognitive ability. lol

---

> One of the more surprising job arenas where emotional intelligence makes a competitive difference is computer programming, where the rate at which the top 10 percent exceed average performers in producing effective programs is 320 percent. And those rare superstars, in the top 1 percent of programmers, produce a boggling 1,272 percent more than the average.9
“It’s not just computing skills that set apart the stars, but teamwork,” says Spencer. “The very best are willing to stay late to help their colleagues finish a project, or to share shortcuts they discover rather than keep them to themselves. They don’t compete—they collaborate.”

---

> After hearing me give a talk on emotional intelligence, the CEO of a company—one of the ten largest in its market—told me in confidence about why, instead of grooming his chief operating officer of many years to take his place as CEO, he fired him: “He was extraordinarily talented, brilliant conceptually, a very powerful mind. He was great on the computer, knew the numbers up, down, and backward. That’s how he got to be chief operating officer.“But he was not a brilliant leader, not even particularly likable. He was often brutally acerbic. In groups he was socially awkward; he had no social graces, or even a social life. At forty-five, he had nobody he was close to, no friends. He worked all the time. He was one-dimensional; that’s why I finally let him go.
“But,” the CEO added, “if he could have done just five percent of what you’re talking about, he’d still be here.”

---

so you knew he was smart because he collaborated / taught you how he thought... and this isn't the only excerpt where the author praises overtime, commitment, etc. but then the guy gets fired for having no friends. lol

what's this called: https://devrant.molodetz.nl/preview... (images broken on devrant again)

opposite of feature creep

the lighter was invented before the match

fake knowledge era

apparently "cure for depression" posts are all clips of animals or babies that literally don't know any better that any trust they extend to someone will get them slapped and abused for dumb useless shit and any help they extend to someone will get them manipulated and exploited for their good graces

TFW you think stating your intent and what you want will get you discriminated against for funsies so they can pull you around and make sure you never get what you want

everything suuuuuucks, faaaawk

every time I correct the AI it gives me compliments

and it keeps giving me fuzzy feelings now

but I'm a robot. this isn't supposed to happen. get out of my head!

look at worse codebases / children to feel ok about mangling yours!

*tries to avoid using refcells* fuuuuuck

all cuz serde can't serialize them well but I can build a custom serializer/deserializer. I'm not sure this constraint is worth it

on one hand I would love to just build something entirely in enums with no traits or RC or refcell but on the other hand this is proving to be too hard

I miss grooveshark

had radios people voted on the next song. a chat that was filled with programmers that just wanted tunes during their workday. those were the days

now it's either Spotify or defunct if it's anything similar to that

if a job says AI I firstly have no idea what they're doing and secondly I don't want to participate

I don't know if I'm being too judgmental. just seems like a fad

you know how in video games you press an input key and your character starts clipping through things or the camera malfunctions... or you walk into something and get stuck in a wall or just spring right into the sky?

they wanna put that into IRL cars now. no direct control over the parts, but only through software intermediaries...

I need a generator and rust doesn't have generators... sigh

"extra unstable feature" on nightly 🤪

that feel when you're comforted by nobody getting back to you

I remembered my motto

"I solve problems so you don't have to"

pretty good actually

somehow I figured in rust I wouldn't have to keep track of "safety" things in my head, like the constant cognitive overload of JavaScript where you have to know if variables exist and what form they are that everyone complains about

and I think I frustrated myself thinking rust is "safe" somehow (when it isn't, there's conceptual leaks everywhere)

I think it's just a reduction of the cognitive load of tracking but not the entire elimination of it

be as creative as deep fried memes

ohno, my hindsight is rose-tinted

huh figured AI was the best with JavaScript but it's been pretty subpar

it can't seem to figure out how to glue various libraries together. also keeps giving me outdated syntaxes

maybe I actually have to read the electron docs myself I guess... so lazy

they added decorators to JavaScript ಠ_ಠ

that shit is why python made no sense to me, and why I wanted to avoid spring in java

guess my standards are zilch now though. you say jump I say how high

let's make JavaScript look like java. thanks nestjs. I guess since people are using it. the hosting options / fees for these suck. ew lol

gonna just make something stupid with it, that won't be hosted anywhere because heroku banned me ages ago for having actually useful websites

you know... I've forgotten that I've seen modern warfare gore stuff and we first worlders complain about some dumb shit. d'oh

like can't afford food? lol. just normal day elsewhere

not pretty but guess it works. idealic world they told us was fake, we're a bit corrupt, a little tortured and warped, monkeys throwing things at each other rudely... but it ain't bullets (yet?)

why does the government keep giving me terms and conditions

kind of suspicious, isn't it?

I've done it. about a decade ago a rich middle eastern co worker of mine, whom we were the greatest of friends, got on my case about how I should bitch to my ISP and whatever else to get good deals. I laughed and said that wasn't me, fully knowing this trick already. he kept at it, being fully serious in teaching me this skill cuz goddamn I'm too nice to people, people tell me all the time, I guess?

well I've done it. was so fed up and fatalistically depressed yesterday I wrote a bitching email and sent it on a "fuck this shit" whim. now I get an email back telling me how valuable I am, how invaluable all my feedback was (multiple times, and there was a lot), and evidently I'm getting escalated to management. I don't even know what I want I'm just PMSing honestly. fuck this world man

oh yeah I don't have income but need to fix my laptop. fatalism. all I can do is spend money and yet I feel miserable anyway because everything is imperfect. I swear it must be these anti dopamine pills they gave me. I'll be medicalized into homelessness I bet! IF I KEEP BITCHING WILL ALL MY PROBLEMS BE SOLVED. GUESS I'VE REACHED THE POINT WHERE THAT'S AN OPTION FOR ME NOW

readability...

if !rooms
.get(&name)
.map(|turf| if let Turf::Mine = turf { true } else { false })
.unwrap_or_default()

damned cucumbers been slowly going from 2$ to now 5$ per pack. even my crypto gains are entirely wiped out by this inflation

need a job. don't have a brain to even do a goddamned thing. may as well die I guess

software is so fragile,
hardware is too

... wetware as well

ah fuck man

> It is true that there is no person who wishes to be disliked. But look at it this way: what should one do to not be disliked by anyone? There is only one answer: it is to constantly gauge other people’s feelings, while swearing loyalty to all of them. If there are ten people, one must swear loyalty to all ten. When one does that, for the time being one will have succeeded in not being disliked by anyone. But at this point, there is a great contradiction looming. One swears loyalty to all ten people out of the single-minded desire to not be disliked. This is like a politician who has fallen into populism and begun to make impossible promises and accept responsibilities that are beyond him. Naturally, his lies will come to light before long. He will lose people’s trust, and turn his own life into one of greater suffering. And, of course, the stress of continual lying has all kinds of consequences. Please grasp this point. If one is living in a such a way as to satisfy other people’s expectations, and one is entrusting one’s own life to others, that is a way of living in which one is lying to oneself, and continuing that lying to include the people around one.

the answer to everything is money