Them: We really need you to fill out this sheet today with estimated release dates.

Me: I really need you to respond to any of the emails I’ve sent over the past week, asking questions about what these tickets mean.

Estimated time to fix those issues: time it takes for you to reply to me + at least a year.
(for each of them).

Better estimations follow when my questions have been answered

This is so me yesterday. One one this assholes even says me "I don't have time to answer your questions".

Well, fucker, I don't have time to try to understand your cryptic ticket. I will just code dirty and wait for the next one.