This is gonna make me sound like an asshole (I already am) but I have to get it out. Have you ever gone out of your cave, saw real people, and thought "Damn, most people are ugly"? Real talk, no sugar-coating "the beauty is in the eye of the beholder" shit. Just that mean thought entering your brain and then you feel like shit for even thinking about it. But you can't help it, it's your brain, you react to things you see. If you see someone attractive, your brain reacts too.

I was in the office today and the HR apologized for the noise because they will be handling their interviews in the meeting room there. The areas setup is: my workstation, sofa, pantry. I got up to get some coffee and saw a bunch of applicants sitting on the sofa and some other chairs. All of a sudden, I find myself in the middle of these people and thought "What has become of this field".

Yes, yes, yes. Looks aren't relevant to your programming skills and shit like that but it's just a fucking thought, okay? I can't control it, you jellybean. And then I walked back to my workstation, the walk of shame. They were all looking at me like I'm about to get my head chopped off for being a little shit.

I feel like they can read my thoughts. So I sat there staring at the monitor thinking, "What the fuck is wrong with me? Why I am so evil?" Then I saw the attractive HR again and it was relieving. It's like "This is the way it should be. This is the way it should have always been!"

Whatever. You don't know me. Get offended all you want. Fuck. I hate myself.

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    @devTea Hahaha. What is that for?
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    Don't hate yourself. We have internal natural mechanisms of evaluating attractiveness. All those woke idiots, who deny the existence of ugly people, are... well... idiots. 🤷 And yes, it's much more pleasant to be in a group of nice looking people, than in a group of ugly people. That's natural.

    Like yourself.
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    @irene I should have said "You're all ugly, go home. No one gets the job." Just so I can justify my guilt. 😂

    Or stand right in front of them, gargle some coffee, and throw it all up all over them. Then I would say, "This coffee is good but the environment looks bad."

    Okay, enough assholeism in one day. They refilled the Mars chocolate bars in the convenience store, I should just go get some.
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    @rutee07 well, yes, if you would attack them, you would be guilty. But your thoughts are only your.

    Have a nice day
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    Heh, I think that's quite allright :)

    there's one more very obvious thing that you are not taking into account when judging yourself. The hr person and these newbies waiting for interviews. Why do you like one and look for reasons to hate another?

    Because hr person is your fam now. And these newbies - they are aliens. Untrusted, unknown, maybe dangerous. Seems like we are unwilling to let unknown people in into our collective that easily.

    After a while these unknown people will earn your trust and you will no longer see them ugly :)

    happened to me so many times I lost count already :)
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    @netikras Good point. I have been that way to a lot of people I worked with. They just become "them", not some people I would think whether attractive or not.

    The HR is really good-looking though but maybe that's also because in our few interactions, she's been very nice. These applicants, whatever, I don't know them.
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    Girls vs boys I think and especially if you got a hot girl, then most tech boys look like shit?
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    You should get out of your cave and your Netflix account more often. Real world is not like TV series where all people are smart and attractive.
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    I feel like i have to maintain a good appearance at all times just so that the people i know have a frame of reference for a developer that isnt a fat balding pasty dude with glasses and a neckbeard.
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    @irene Also the idiots who says stuff like "but you arent a model type yourself". Like you dont fucking have to be looking like one of these model types, to find some people unattractive /or ugly.

    Personality i find myself as one of these ugly looking guys, which doesnt really bother me at all. And has nothing todo with self-hate i am just being realistic. Realizing your own weakness isnt some self-hate shit.
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    @Frederick exactly. You don't need to be a somelier to rate some wine as disgusting.

    I'm not sure if I'm att reactive of not. I'm balding though I'm younger than 30. 🤷
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    @ddephor I don't watch TV and I don't necessarily expect them to look like celebrities. I mean more of not being around certain people and imagining what the general population looks like in a certain way and then seeing new people in a closed room.

    You know, when you go out in public to buy something, you don't really pay attention to the hundreds of people you see but when the same strangers occupy a space you're familiar with (office), you are somehow "forced" to pay attention because they are in your "territory". Hard to explain but yeah, like that.
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    @arcsector This. When I say "ugly", I'm not even referring to some superior genetics or some shit. I don't care that much about how I look but in a sense that I'm clean. What I saw was greasy hair and just shit I cannot explain.
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    I like to distance myself from my own thoughts, observe them like they aren’t mine (because in the most abstract sense, they aren’t). My brain likes to splurt out random thoughts sometimes, which is why I developed that habit
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    @Frederick True. Here, you can't even make an honest observation without getting a "you're not perfect" bullshit. I'm tired of people wanting to be told beautiful all the time. It's as if their existence would end if someone noticed a snot on their forehead.

    Just this morning, an old woman casually told me that my zipper is open and she walked away like it wasn't a big deal. I zipped my pants and walked away because it wasn't a highlight of my day.

    It's not related to attractiveness but I know a lot of people who would flip and say oH mY gOd sOooO eMbAraSsinGgg or would get mad at the person who pointed it out.
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    @irene It's pretty common for guys. I know some as young as 26 having the balding problem. Good thing is you can shave it off, Johnny Sins style.
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    @rutee07 it would not be a big deal if I hadn't long hair 😞 now I'm thinking about shaving everything off because it's more and more ugly
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    @irene Go bald! 😂
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    Don't worry, all people are assholes. Some are just better at hiding it and comply to social standards.
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    Shit, I thought I was the only person who had these thoughts. Good to know that other people think this type of shit too, especially my buddy
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    @rutee07 there's nothing wrong with with sudden thought like these popping into your mind. It's just the nature of our brain try to evaluating things around us or come up with possible actions. I guess you unconsciously discard most of them anyways, but obviously you can't if your mood is too negative.

    TL;DR It's totally normal to have inappropriate thoughts, just ignore all the voices in your head.
    I swear I am mentally stable 😳
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    This received less negative comments and more positive ones than I thought.
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    @rutee07 bekuz you're sweet and think too bad of yourself 😘
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