Do all the things like ++ or -- rants, post your own rants, comment on others' rants and build your customized dev avatarSign Up
Get a devDuck
Rubber duck debugging has never been so cute! Get your favorite coding language devDuckBuy Now
*random person stars my repo on Github*
Me: Fuck yes give me those stars!
*checks user's profile, has starred 40k repositories*
Me: Take that star back you whore.9
You can't even make this shit up.
The British NCSC is stopping with the terms "blacklist" and "whitelist" because it would be racist...
Fucking oversensitive cocksuckers.36
Last day on the contract from hell. I'd written a project with one other person in our spare time that performed a critical business function. The following conversation was had between myself, the job thief who was handed my job and their manager, with the 10 other IBM GS "dev domain experts" assigned to that team sitting silently on zoom:
Moi: hey all, what seems to be the problem?
JT: how to update the java for requirement?
Moi: I would assume a text editor, have you tried intellij
JTM: she's talking about ticket BS-101, the data is wrong
Moi: ah, well, you might want to fix that
JT: how to fix?
Moi: update the database and update the logic that depends on it
JTM: what changes are those?
Moi: the ones described in the ticket, I would assume, I'm no longer on that project
JTM: didn't you write this application?
JTM: ok, so do you know how to fix the issue?
JTM: ok... ... Can you tell us how to fix it?
*The sound of silence*
JTM: *will* you tell us?
Moi: I would, but I'm already off the clock, and as of an hour ago I no longer have a contract. And even if I did, I don't have a contract or authorization to work on that system. I'm not actually being paid for this call.
JTM: ... What are we going to do about this?
Moi: I have no idea
JTM: ok, so we can look at getting a 1 month contract to support this
Moi: I'm sure our firm has someone who can definitely help you out
JTM: *heavy raging* ... Can you do the work?
Moi: Unfortunatley, I'm already committed to a new contract at another customer. I also don't do one month contracts. I'm an engineer, not a car wash employee
JTM: well, I don't understand how you can just leave us in the lurch like this?!
Moi: well, respectfully, it was your decision to cut me from the budget because you thought you were close enough to end of the project to get it across the line with junior resources.
Interjecting-JT: I am senior!
Moi: Right. So, basically, you took ownership of the product before go live. We advised against it, in writing, numerous times. We also notified you that we would not carry a bench, so the project resources are now working on other things. We can provide you with new resources for a minimum 6 month duration who can help you out. Also, since we've cycled out, our rate has increased per the terms of our MSA.
JTM: we don't have budget for that! How are we supposed to do this?!
Moi: *zoom glare at JT* that question is more appropriate for your finance officer and the IT director. I can send a few emails and schedule a call with your account representative and the aforementioned individuals so you can hash this out.
I'm free! 🥳 That said, still plenty of residual fodder I need to get out of my system on these guys. Might need to start my own Dilbert.16
So, Facebook is acquiring Giphy. The amount of metadata they're about to get is fucking insane.
And since I refuse to personally use anything Facebook related... I won't be able to use the GIF integration of any messenger and many more products/services anymore, I guess...
Just fucking great. Fucking die, Facebook.41
boss: please look into tools that do X.
fullstackchris: Ah, here's a solution we can use!
boss: I don't want to use it because it is too complicated.
fullstackchris: ok, that's fine with me...
[one week later] boss: oh I found this nice site that does X, can we do X?
fullstackchris: YES, THAT'S EXACTLY THE SOLUTION I ALREADY FOUND, *AFTER* YOU ASKED ME TO LOOK FOR A SOLUTION, AND IN THE END YOU DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT. OH HAVE YOU CHANGED YOUR MIND?!?!
So, a couple of weeks ago I started a temporary job writing code mostly for DB purposes. I noticed during that time there was a specific person just copying my code and not giving credit in the meetings. So I decided to put a small, quirky, joke in my last code just to see if the person reviewed it before presenting.
FF to yesterday, the person did not check the code and he presented a table with a field called PENIS Contract Length in our zoom meeting.
Not sorry at all9
Do you remember the old days, when a webpage was just a webpage with the information you wanted on it..
Nowadays, its like this:35
Hey everyone - earlier tonight a surprise change in the Apple subscription API response caused devRant++ members on iOS to temporarily lose their supporter status. All should be restored now, and within the next day supporter start date for all community members in this group will be reset back to the correct start time.
We appreciate all of your support very much and apologize for this issue - I have to do some investigation into how this change happened and if there was any warning.
I turned a 20 hour per month task into a 150ms database query.
I feel like a fucking super hero.
FYI my super hero name is ThreadPool (see past rant)4
Companies can't use free software?
Well, I just forced everyone to use Nextcloud instead of Dropbox and Google Drive. People did not like it as first but the quickly realized how good it was.
We also moved from skype, teams and slack to matrix.
I am glad that matrix-synapse is so easy to install nowadays!17
Boss: Can we add a [Close] button at the top right of the modal instead for all the items, the back at the lower left seems out of place.
Me: What modal? You mean move the back button to the top right of the page?
Boss: And make it say [Close]
Me: But it navigates Back. It's not a modal so it doesn't close. [Back] makes more sense than [Close].
Boss: Change the [Back] on the modal to [Close].
Me: But... fine...
Buttons all now say "Close", they all have double quotes. No one has said anything.19
I'm a master of nothing. I have no specialty. I cannot focus on one thing and I always move on to something else. This gave me more perspective and made me a fast learner but until when? Pretty sure that as I reach a certain age, that wouldn't be the case anymore.
I have knowledge in many areas but I can't care enough to dig deeper. That amazes some people but I know I'm just a monkey fiddling with new stuff and getting them to work. This is why I avoid certifications. I hate them. Anything that forces me to sit down and dig deeper or follow a certain curriculum, I need to escape.
All I want is to learn new things, make something out of it, get my money, double my money, and then move on. Repeat.12
Q: Your data migration service from old site to new site cost money.
A: Yes, I have to copy data from old database and import to the new one.
Q: Can I just provide you content separately so you don’t need to do that?
A: Yes, but I will have to charge you for copying and pasting your 100 pages of content manually.
Q: Can it come with part of the web development service and not as an additional service?
A: Yes, but the price for web development service will have to be increased to combine the two. If you don’t want to pay for it, I can just set up a few sample pages with the layout and you can handle your own content entry. Does that work for you?
Q: Well, but then I will have to spend extra time to work on it.
A: Yes you will. (At this point I think she starts to understand the concept of Time = Money...)3