Woman couldn't reach the login page of her hosting account.

After 15 minutes of debugging she found out that her Internet wasn't turned on.

This shit is the fucking reason why I drink alcohol.

Well here's how I see things going:

Intel and AMD ditch their assembly architectures for Scratch, because drag and drop is very popular lately.

The Boolean is renamed to the biggot by SJW leaders for only supporting binary views.

You must first ask consent to add an item to a linked list, because forcing two items together promotes rape culture.

Apple removes the "h" and "7" keys on all laptop models and gives no reason for their actions.

Linus Torvalds grows an extra middle finger, and it still isn't enough.

Nintendo makes Mario gay and Luigi black to be more inclusive.

LG makes a curved monitor that curves away from you rather than towards you. People buy it in confusion.

Everyone makes the same ad revenue on YouTube, and it is rebranded to OurTube. Luckily, they were able to keep the color scheme.

People finally realize that machine learning is just math, and stop using it everywhere. (Just kidding lol)

AMD and Gucci merge. Nobody understands why.

I know sex is cool but have you ever entered BIOS with only one key press?!

Hey everyone,

Merry Christmas to everyone who celebrates, happy holidays to everyone, and happy almost-new-year!

Tim and I wanted to reflect on the year devRant has had, and looking back, there are a lot of awesome things that happened in 2018 that we are very thankful for. Here are just a few of the ones that we thought of (this list is not exhaustive and I'm definitley forgetting stuff, so please comment about those!):

- After nearly a year in the making, the completely overhauled devRant web version was launched (https://devrant.com/rants/1255714/...)

- @linuxxx became the first devRant user to hit 100,000++! (https://devrant.com/rants/1157415/...)

- We once again pulled off the greatest April fools joke everrrr (https://devrant.com/rants/1311206/...)

- @trogus started making awesome devComics and http://devcomics.com was launched

- We added a feature to allow rant filtering by post type (https://devrant.com/rants/1354275/...)

- We made it so avatars could have expressions! (https://devrant.com/rants/1563683/...)

- We had a booth at TechDay New York and got to meet some devRant users! (https://devrant.com/rants/1394067/...)

- We made major backend architectural improvements - including spinning up a special high-powered-CPU web server to handle avatar creation and make the creation process much faster (https://devrant.com/rants/1370938/...)

- App stability: mainly Android - we fixed crashes, did a push-notif overhaul, and tried to continue making the apps better and more stable

- A record amount of devRant meetups were held, and we couldn't be more proud about that, and we thank every person who organized one! (just a few: https://devrant.com/rants/1588218/... https://devrant.com/rants/1884724/... https://devrant.com/rants/1683365/... https://devrant.com/rants/1922950/...)

We had a busy year, and despite some things going on for us personally and some setbacks around those, we think this was a very productve year for devRant and that we are going in the right direction. We're continuing to constantly evaluate feedback from members of the community to decide where to take the app next. We're fully committed to improving the devRant community in 2019 and we have a lot of ideas about how we can do that. We're working on some things, but we're not really announcing them yet, so please sit tight for those :) In the meantime, feel free to let us know what you'd like to see improved/added the most as we always like to get updated feedback from the community.

As always, thank you everyone, and thanks for your amazing contributions to the devRant community!

Looking forward to 2019,
- David and Tim

assignment: use winAPI to create a "virus" that put itself in autorun and does nothing.

me, a curious student: does the assignment and adds a heap corruption code just as a joke.

after sending the assignment to the teacher I realized that I have sent the real virus.

result: teacher comes next lesson without a computer and stares at me silently and viciously.

we'll see what happens next
any idea on what's going on in his head?

I'm at my seat during the regular morning routine of checking emails, planning the things I need to complete/study when my phone rings.

HR: Good Morning, can you come over to the conference room please ?

Me: Sure

I enter the conference room and on the other side of the table, I see a group of 3 HR Managers (not a very nice feeling), especially when it was 10 months into my first job as a Trainee Software Developer.

HR: The company hasn't been performing as expected. For this reason, we've been told to cut down our staff. We're sorry but we have to let you go. You've been doing a great job all along. Thank you.

Me: ---- (seriously ?!)

The security-in-chief 'escorts' me out of the premises and I hand over the badge. I'm not allowed to return to my desk.

This happened about 16 years ago. But it stuck with me throughout my programming career.

A couple of Lessons Learnt which may help some of the developers today :

- You're not as important as you think, no matter what you do and how well you do it.
- Working hard is one thing, working smart is another. You'll understand the difference when your appraisals comes around each year.
- Focus on your work but always keep an eye on your company's health.
- Be patient with your Manager; if you're having a rough time, its likely he/she is suffering more.
- Programming solo is great fun. However it takes other skills that are not so interesting, to earn a living.
- You may think the Clients sounds stupid, talks silly and demands the stars; ever wonder what they think about you.
- When faced with a tough problem, try to 'fix' the Client first, then look for a solution.
- If you hate making code changes, don't curse the Client or your Manager - we coders collectively created a world of infinite possibilities. No point blaming them.
- Sharing your ideas matter.
- Software Development is a really long chain of ever-growing links that you may grok rather late in your career. But its still worth all the effort if you enjoy it.

I like to think of programming as a pursuit that combines mathematical precision and artistic randomness to create some pretty amazing stuff.

Thanks for reading.

Marvelous.....

I FUCKING DID IT.

TODAY, I AM HAPPY AS FUCK.

You all know how much I used to rant about my shitty manager and the shitty QA job.

And with all the lay offs at work, I was worried more and more everyday.

I never liked coding and automation is killing QA jobs.

I always leaned towards business and tech.

I really worked hard and gained lot of product knowledge of the one I was working on.

Last month there was an opening in Product Management team.

I thought of trying luck. I had good contacts and through their reference got an interview scheduled.

This evening, I got the confirmation call that I am selected.

I am fucking out of that soul sucking QA job and now will be a Product Manager of one of Oracle's 10 million dollar kernel products.

My happiness today knows no bounds.

Not only I am out of that toxic manager but this career switch has countless perks waiting for me. The more I count the less they are.

I once dreamt of posting this story and today it is reality.

Feels good :)

Edit: Really sorry for being away and not interacting with you all as I was busy with this thing. I am here now with you all.

So true 💡

Working from home yesterday when I got an angry call from an ex-client. (We don't work with her anymore because she is known to be extremely unreasonable)

After a couple of minutes of uninterupted yelling i politely told her i'd put her through to my hairy higher up "Sjors" whose in charge of these matters.

Seemingly pleased with this development of getting to talk with a higher up she actually managed to stay quiet for a minute while i was walking downstairs. Only to go into full yelling mode again the second i said "thanks for waiting here he is"

Sjors was more than happy to take the call while chewing his bone. Slobbering about.

It took about two full minutes before she realised my colleague is in fact my ever loyal golden retreiver.

She hasnt called back anymore afaik. 🙃

1 . Seen it
2 . Mind blown
3 . Why i didn't thought of that
I loveee the ideea

I was bored. And I was here today. So take this.

This passes all unit tests

This guy at an internship who only wanted to use anything Microsoft.

It was fine for his own use but he also wanted it for a high security prod environment and tried to push that through.

Luckily, the (very competent) team lead refused to use closed source stuff for high security environments.

"listen (team lead to that guy), it's not going to happen. We're simply not using software from a US based company which is closed source for high security stuff.
Why? The US is one of the biggest surveillance powers in this world, we just can't be sure what's in the software if it's US based. Now you can say that that's paranoid but whether or not it is, the surveillance part is a fact, deal with it. That you want to use it, fine, but NOT. IN. HIGH. SECURITY. PROD. (or prod at all really).

He continued to try and convert colleagues to windows and other Microsoft stuff for the rest of his internship.

Current State

Too much work kills your brain cells.

Ughhh... I know how to, cant be fit.

The following dialogue is inspired by a career of similar conversations.

--

Manager: What's the status?

Dev: It works, but I just found a security hole. That contractor did not sanitize all the different kinds of user input and someone approved the PR with "LGTM." A customer can run malicious code and get us in real trouble. I'm patching this now.

Manager: How long with that take?

Dev: If done right, 4-5 days. If done fast, I can squeeze 3.

Manager: Let's not boil the ocean. We need to ship by tomorrow so we can't spend too much time on something that we can fix later.

Dev: Surprising deadline aside, I made a Jira workflow state called "Later" for when you close the ticket after this conversation.

Manager: We need to talk about how your negativity impacts the team.

Dev: Sorry. I just don't want to knowingly release a critical vuln.

Manager: We can introduce a procedural change and have ops vet the documents. We already have a screen where they can approve what uploads get to the customer. If we let a bad egg through, then we'll right-size according to customer feedback.

Dev: Lawsuits are feedback?

Manager:

Manager: I mean

Dev: *Googles "brain parasite symptoms"*

Manager: Hey. The kind of thing you are worried about probably won't happen soon, and we'll be able to handle things in the short term.

Dev: Because it's better that our staff have unprotected sex with the Internet on our corporate network than use a few more days to move everyone along worry-free?

Manager: It's a calculated risk. We're Agile after all, right?

Dev: When it's an excuse.

One does not simply uninstall visual studio...one has to first update the installer

Savage designers....