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Code review titles by year:
1990 - your code is using to much memory
1995 - your code is not running on window 95
2000 - your code is slow
2003 - your code don't have tests
2005 - your code is not 64 bit
2009 - your code is not using mvc patters
2010 - your code is not horizontal scalable
2011 - your code should be written in js
2015 - your code is not mobile ready
2020 - your code is racist27
Oh for crying out loud, Github is stopping with the term 'master' due to its 'negative association'.
Can we please not pull everything out of goddamn context and not be a fucking offended special snowflake with ANYTHING that could potentially be thought of in a way that could be associated with slavery?!
If we're gonna do it like this I want to ask people of color not to use white/light themed websites/backgrounds.79
I was on a 1:1 with my boss talking about my performance, recent tickets, HR stuff, anything I need, plans for the next quarter, etc.
My 4yo ran up, pointed to my boss on the screen, and asked "who is mommy on a call with?" I told him it was my boss, T, and that he needed to be quiet. "I want talk to T!" He demanded. "Hi T!" He wouldn't take no for an answer. We were pressed for time, so. As cute as it was, it wasn't very welcome.
It took like five minutes to finally make him leave. Now whenever I'm on a call, he runs up and yells "Hi T!!!!" at the screen. 😅 even when its standup or the engineering meeting with like 50 people.... thankfully there is a mute button! His face still pops up on camera, but most people understand and just laugh.
He's cute but he can be soo embarrassing!8
Electronics store clerk: "Can I help you?"
Me: "Good afternoon sir. I'm a developer and lifelong PC gamer. I received a second hand PS4, and might buy a next gen console at the end of the year. People tell me that in front of this soft wide desk chair people call a "couch", you need some sort of large computer monitor to enjoy console gaming"
Clerk: "Yeah, we sell TVs. What TV do you have now?"
Me: "I don't own a TV. I just want a huge 4K computer display with a good response time, excellent refresh rate, and great contrast"
Clerk: "OK so this is an entry level 55" smart TV. It's 120hz, QLED, has full array local dimming. It's great for gaming. It's €1000. We also have this LG OLED smart TV for €1200, which is a step up in terms of contrast and response time..."
Me: "Wait... Smart TV? No, I don't want a TV with an operating system. I want a computer display."
Clerk: "There aren't a lot of big computer displays. We have this ASUS ROG 55" computer monitor. It's also 120hz. Very similar response time, but the brightness and contrast aren't as great, it's edge-lit"
Me, trying really hard to make out the contrast differences under ugly fluorescent lights of the store: "So it's a worse big couch display, without smart OS. How much is it?"
Me: "So what you're saying is that while the displays are similar or even better, the operating system on all these TVs is so incredibly bad, you have to give €2500 discount for people to even buy it?"33
Please do rename the "master" branch to "Führer". The umlaut will probably catch a bunch of applications that aren't UTF-8 ready.14
One week, and it turned out to be worse than that.
I was put on a project for a COVID-19 program in America (The CARES Act). The financial team came to us on Monday morning and said they need to give away a couple thousand dollars.
No big deal. All they wanted was a single form that people could submit with some critical info. Didn't need a login/ registration flow or anything. You could have basically used Google Forms for this project.
The project landed in my lap just before lunch on Monday morning. I was a junior in a team with a senior and another junior on standby. It was going to go live the next Monday.
The scope of the project made it seem like the one week deadline wasn't too awful. We just had to send some high priority emails to get some prod servers and app keys and we were fine.
Now is the time where I pause the rant to express to you just how fine we were decidedly **not**: we were not fine.
Tuesday rolls around and what a bad Tuesday it was. It was the first of many requirement changes. There was going to need to be a review process. Instead of the team just reading submissions from the site, they needed accept and reject buttons. They needed a way to deny people for specific reasons. Meaning the employee dashboard just got a little more complicated.
Wednesday came around and yeah, we need a registration and login flow. Yikes.
Thursday came and the couple-thousand dollars turned into a tens of millions. The amount of users we expected just blew up.
Friday, and they needed a way for users to edit their submissions and re-submit if they were rejected. And we needed to send out emails for the status of their applications.
Every day, a new meeting. Every meeting, new requirements that were devastating given our timeframe.
We put in overtime. Came in on the weekend. And by Monday, we had a form that users could submit and a registration/ login flow. No reviewer dashboard. We figured we could take in user input on time and then finish the dashboard later.
Well, financial team has some qualms. They wanted a more complicated review process. They wanted roles; managers assign to assistants. Assistants review assigned items.
The deadline that we worked so hard on whizzed by without so much as a thought, much less the funeral it deserved.
Then, they wanted multiple people to review an application before it was final. Then, they needed different landing pages for a few more departments to be able to review different steps of the applications.
Ended up going live on Friday, close to a month after that faithful Monday which disrupted everything else I was working on, effective immediately.
I don't know why, but we always go live on a Friday for some reason. It must be some sort of conspiracy to force overtime out of our managers. I'm baffled.
But I worked support after the launch.
And there's a funny story about support too: we were asked to create a "submit an issue" form. Me and the other junior worked on it on a wednesday three weeks into the project. Finished it. And the next day it was scrapped and moved to another service we already had running. Poor management like that plagued the project and worked in tandem with the dynamic and ridiculous requirements to make this project hell.
Back to support.
Phone calls give me bad anxiety. But Friday, just before lunch, I was put on the support team. Sure, we have a department that makes calls and deal with users. But they can't be trained on this program: it didn't exist just a month ago, and three days ago it worked differently (the slippery requirements never stopped).
So all of Friday and then all of Saturday and all of Monday (...) I had extended panic attacks calling hundreds of people. And the team that was calling people was only two people. We had over 400 tickets in the first two days.
And fuck me, stupid me, for doing a good job. Because I was put on the call team for **another** COVID project afterwards. I knew nothing about this project. I have hated my job recently. But I'm a junior. What am I gonna say, no?8
My most awkward recruiter interaction?
Just graduated college and got 'suckered' by an programming position ad that turned out to be a recruiting company. It was fine since they charge the company for their services and not me.
After a couple of weeks of waiting (they initially promised I would/could have at least 3 interviews a week, which hadn't happened.) I decided to start looking again on my own, found a position, and I was hired.
About two months later I get a phone call:
<skipping the pleasantries>
R: "I see you are working for D, congratulations. I've started the paperwork for our reimbursement."
Me: "Reimburse for what? I found that job on my own."
R: "D is one of the companies we work with and when we submitted your resume, they told us you were already hired."
R: "And you signed a contract and now its time to pay. The fees only start at $500"
Me: "Not me. I have the contract, it states, in the second paragraph, I am not responsible for any hiring fees."
<couple of seconds of silence>
R: "Yes, but that is only if we negotiated the contact. Since you went behind our back, we couldn't start the process"
R: "And its a breach of contract."
Me: "I'm not a lawyer, I don't understand what you're saying. It says right here on the contract I signed, I don't pay any fees. No where does it say I'm not allowed to look for a job on my own. Right?"
R: "Um..yea..right..right...but you were hired by one of our contracted companies."
Me: "No way I would have known that. Maybe you should have set up an interview long before now."
<R is getting pretty angry at this point>
R: "I'm sure we gave you list of companies we work with. Contacting those companies is a breach of contract. Unless you want our lawyers to get involved, the fee is only $500. Failing to honor your side of the agreement and we'll be forced to contact your employer and begin garnishing your wage until the fee is paid. You don't want that, do you?"
Me: "There was no list and I am allowed to find a job on my own. Again, I'm not responsible for you not setting up an interview so do whatever you think you can do. Have a good night"
<I hang up>
About a week later..
Boss: "Got a phone call from XYZ Recruiting requesting a wage garnishment. Do you know anything about that?"
<I explain the situation>
Boss: "Oh good grief. We've worked with them a couple of times and we contact them on an individual basis for new hires. You're fine"
Me: "You're not going to garnish my paycheck?"
Boss: "No no no, that's not how this works. He was probably trying to scare you into paying their crazy fees."
Me: "What if they get their lawyers involved? I don't want to cause any trouble"
Boss: "Ha ha...XYZ Recruiting is a couple of guys in an office and we have lawyers on the 3rd floor who eat and breath this shit. They know that and you won't hearing from them again."5
When asked about my multitasking abilities, I said I was able to play online poker on 6 tables at the same time.
Turned out the recruiter was also an online poker player. Got the job.3
Got matched with a cute girl on Tinder. She was a recruiter. She didn't want to talk about anything other than this "great" opportunity...17
"Started playing around with C scripting, can you give me a hand with x?"
"Sure. Errr... this isn't C."
"Yeah it is, like the new C scripting stuff!"
"C scripting stuff?!"
"Yeah, the coffeescript stuff! You developers always shorten it to C right?"
Was already communicating with a recruiter and made her very clear (a gazillion times) that I don't want a Microsoft related job.
After a few months she calls me telling about this amazing opportunity; a Microsoft related job.
Told her what I told her fifteen quintillion times before and she responded very guilt trippy/offended because she spent so much time on working this out for me.
Fucking retarded and awkward.7
Disclaimer: I can't 'officially' verify this.
I've been using Firefox as main browser with about 5 addons for added privacy for ages now. When googles (fucking) reCaptcha takes more than a few minutes on Firefox (about 90 percent of the time, I'm estimating), I switch to Chromium (with the same amount of (similar) privacy addons) so I can go on with my stuff.
Now, I recently thought 'why not try to do user agent spoofing on Firefox to see if reCaptcha would start working 'normally'?
So, I installed a user agent spoofing addon on Firefox/Chromium, results:
Firefox reCaptcha success rate: 10 percent approx. (mostly 2+ minutes)
Chromium: 90 percent. (mostly instant)
Firefox: 90 percent approx.
Chromium: 10-20 percent approx.
Again, I can't prove any of this yet but mother of fucking god, whenever using Chromium or spoofing Chromium on Firefox the succession rate skyrockets.
Google, what the fuck are you up to?14
Less recruiter and more recruiting company.
Specifially: Robert Half.
Robert Half is scammy as hell, and they 'fired' me for quitting when my girlfriend got raped. Really.
Robert Half took half of my paychecks for the entire duration of my contracts with them. I didn't know right away because, as a policy, they hide how much the hiring company is paying for you, and they also forbid the company from telling you. (The company pays RHI, RHI pays you). Makes sense why they hide it because it certainly pissed me off.
Long story short, I worked for a php dev shop through them (after telling them to lower their fees or i'd walk), worked there for awhile (while remote moonlighting because why not!), and quit. I quit because my girlfriend at the time had just gotten raped, and with the emotionall fallout from that, there was no way I could focus on two jobs and be there for her. My boss understood and let me leave, though it put him in a bind.
The next day, I got a call from the regional manager of Robert Half. He was a total tool. He demanded to know if I quit, didn't care why I quit, proceeded to "educate" me in the finer points of why that was unprofessional and why i'm unemployable, accused me of lying about idr what, and finally switched into legalese to say "I regret to inform you that you can no longer consider Robert Half as a means of employment." (or something along those lines) and hung up on me. Asshole. I hope various large someones rape him so he has an inkling what it's like to be objectified and thrown away like trash.
Guy was an asshole; probably still is.
RHI was awful and scammy; probably still is, too.
Wasn't really a fan of the job either.
So at the end of it, I wasn't out anything but some patience and serenity (a lot of serenity). I kept the first (remote) job, was there for my girlfriend, and helped her through everything.
But yeah, Robert Half?
They can fucking go to hell.23
If a teamviewer sessions counts as "screenshare", I've got a good one.
The company I'm working for also got an internal video player in the webfrontend of it's product. A customer called in, because the player "stays black", instead of playing his videos. It's a player for a media library of the customer, so it can be any content. A collegue did some trouble shooting, but since the customer was not very experienced in IT they arranged a teamviewer session. At the appointed time, my collegue called the customer and asked him to reproduce the issue, while watching via teamviewer.
When opening the media player, it stayed black indeed, so my collegue asked the customer to try another video. From my desk I heard my collegue say "Oh god, no" (phone muted) pretty loudy and he asked us to come to his place quickly. The customer decided, it would be a good idea to try the video player with gay porn. So we stood there around my collegues desk, watching a hairy man, getting his asshole licked by another an even hairier man for a few secs.
The customer stopped the playback, said "ok, maybe the other file was just broken.", thanked my collegue and the call was over.
We had a few similar cases.13
Interviewer asked me how to find the best move in Tic Tac Toe game.
We discussed several ideas and ended up playing Tic Tac Toe for nearly 10 minutes.
It turns out HR was keeping an eye and they had to interrupt.12
PSA if I go to your website and it tells me I need to sign in to see the content, I’m leaving. I dont care if it’s “free.” If It were all the same to you you’d let me see the fucking content without an account.
Your business sucks and probably has no compelling reason to exist. Bye bye! See you on the brown rank side of the toilet paper in my hand asshole~2
Please tell me I'm not the only lazy bastard that spends all week dreaming of the weekend to finally work on some personal projects and when it finally arrives as soon as I launch the IDE my motivation goes down to -100 and I spend the rest of the day watching random videos on YouTube as always dreaming of the next weekend to finish that awesome idea I had 5 years ago...16