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At my study's final exams, I coded a system with login and everything included.
Showed it at the final delivery:
Fake client: awesome! So how do I logout?
Yeah, you couldn't logout.26
Me Vs a PHP teacher
And to do login, we just do SELECT username WHERE password = (userinput)
Really? Checking raw userinput against plaintext password?
There is no point in doing it securely here because if they want, the students can go take a seperate course on security
So no point in teaching students that they should write their code secure by default and just leave it as a afterthought?
Yes, because this is how i have always done it
Okay, time for a break
*Uses the break to teach all students about sql injection, password hash and salt, rainbow tables and user input sanitizing*
Students to teacher:
He's right, if you dont teach us to code securely by default, we are likely to end up causing a data leak or be hacked, if you dont teach us properly we have no point coming here
*Smiles at the teacher with a face that says: Pwnd*
Alright then, tell me whats wrong in my code
I was so proud that i helped the class understand secure by default principles54
Friend had a Cryptominer add blocker on his browser.
His PC was slow as fuck.
Guess what ? The blocker was a cryptominer.23
So I was minding my own business and I got a call.
Caller: Is this Fodian?
Me: No it's Floydian. Who do you want ma'am?
Caller: We want to talk to Fodian. Just tell me are you Mr Fodian or not?
*Realises they want to talk to me and wil never be able to pronounce my name right. The lady is barely able to put together words of English to communicate*
Me: Yeah tell me, I am Fodian.
Caller: Are you looking for a job?
Me: *desperately looking for a change* Yes. I am. Tell me more.
Caller: Could you tell where do yoy currently work?
Me: I work for *inserts name*.
Just for the records, my employer is one of the world's top 5 multinational software conglomerate.
Caller: Umm.. sorry never heard of that company. We only work with top global brands. But looking at your profile, we will consider you even if you are from small company. We believe in equality.
Me: *fuck you and fuck your equality cunt* wow! I feel great 🤗
Caller: Will you be comfortable in relocating to different city because we will place with top company. *inserts some shitty company I have never heard of*
*Googles the company. Name doesn't exists*
Me: Ummm... If the opportunity is great then sure.
Caller: So we have a Jr Support Engineer role which matches perfectly with your profile and very few get the opportunity for this role.
Me: *wow really? I am fucking tester* I feel lucky to get this opportunity.
I realised that this was a fraud call and try to goof around a bit. The bitch didn't even know about my profile.
Caller: Okay I will forward your documents to my supervisor for next round. But before that you will have to complete our process.
Me: Okay. What's that?
Caller: You need to transfer 10K to our account as consultant fee or you will be disqualified from this opportunity to work with big company.
Me: Fuck off bitch. *Disconnects*
The spammers are fucking everywhere. And these fake recruiters just waste time.
The bitch can go deep throat an elephant while he drowns her in his gag.29
This was during the first day of my first real dev job, straight out of college. I didn’t have have much experience with version control since I did mostly solo projects in college, and I wasn’t exposed to SVN or Git in school at all.
One of the senior devs was going to give me and another new guy a brief overview of the codebase. He sets us up with the GitHub repo for the codebase and tells us to clone the codebase locally. I didn’t really know what this meant but I felt kind of embarrassed to ask, so I just clicked “download as zip” on The GitHub repo.
After a minute he saw what I had done and was like “yeah, that’s not what you want to do” and showed me how to clone it. I was kind of embarrassed but I learned Git pretty quickly after that.
I don’t really have a moral to this story except that “no question is a stupid one” is much easier said than done for many people, and it can be embarrassing to ask certain questions sometimes.13
windows update code
Admin: "Wait, I noticed unusual traffic."
Me: "What is it?"
Admin: "Looks like we have a bot here."
Me: "A bot? Didn't know we are so popular."
Admin: "It makes constantly login requests through our API, it already surpassed 600.000! I will ban it right away."
Me: "wait, that just sounds like my bot.."
Admin: "DUDE, WTF? ARE YOU SERIOUS?"
When there is bug, you don't know of, it can end up quite embarrassing.10
*at work* (fictional names)
Kevin (linux support engineer): Bob, could you come for a second to take a look at something?
Bob (senior linux engineer): *tiny voice from a corner behind a desk* bob is not available right now. Please try again later.
Kevin: Bob, please, just for a second!
Bob: bob is not available right now, please try again later.
Kevin: Boooooooooooooob, come heeeeereeeee
Bob: as said before, bob is not available right now, try again later.
Kevin: but booooooob, come oooooon.
Bob: it seems that you might have a hearing problem since bob is still not available.
Kevin: but booooohooooob, come heeeeeeeeeeereee
Bob: it seems like the person on the other side of this line might be retarded. Bob is not available right now.
Kevin: But boooohooooohooooooob come oooohooohooon, just for a seeehehecond *starts fake sobbing"
Bob: Bob is getting real tired of your shit. Leave bob alone.
Been looking around ways to improve devrant's user experience a little, Idk whether you guys like it or not.. Just a suggestion 😂106
Boss decided to limit Wi-Fi access only to company computers.
Ended up blocking everyone, including himself.13
Me : "Hey, I can't find the comments.js file, do you know where it is stored?"
Co-worker : "Yep, look in the CSS folder"
Me : "OK, thanks!"
5 seconds later..
Me : "Wait, what?"8
School: You NEED to learn MS Office!
B.. but I don't have the money for an office license... also why do I need that?
University: You NEED to learn MS Office!
B... but... I don't have a MS Office license... Can't I use Libre Office or something?
University: NO AND NOW INSTALL MS OFFICE!
Job search portals: We are looking for a part time employee who will sell meat, cheese and will control an automated checkout system.
Requirements: MS Office86
Someone: “How do I do A?”
Me: “Read the docs, I’m busy.”
Someone: “wtf man why should I read? Reading is the stupidest thing ever, I want to code here, not read stuff. Fuck reading, if you read books or something, you’re wasting your time and are a moron.”
Its not a bright future we’re headed into.15