If you are sending me data to use, DO NOT FUCKING SEND ME AN IMAGE FROM EXCEL.

A guy on another team who is regarded by non-programmers as a genius wrote a python script that goes out to thousands of our appliances, collects information, compiles it, and presents it in a kinda sorta readable, but completely non-transferable format. It takes about 25 minutes to run, and he runs it himself every morning. He comes in early to run it before his team's standup.

I wanted to use that data for apps I wrote, but his impossible format made that impractical, so I took apart his code, rewrote it in perl, replaced all the outrageous hard-coded root passwords with public keys, and added concurrency features. My script dumps the data into a memory-resident backend, and my filterable, sortable, taggable web "frontend"(very generous nomenclature) presents the data in html, csv, and json. Compared to the genius's 25 minute script that he runs himself in the morning, mine runs in about 45 seconds, and runs automatically in cron every two hours.

Optimized!

I want Gordon Ramsey to start a IT program in the same fashion as Hotel Hell and Kitchen Nightmares

He'll sit at a desk with a laptop, examining code as if he's eating food, venting frustrations and screaming insults out loud

Then he'll have a talk with the team and see how they work on a day

After that he'll go into the freezer (server room) and scream at mold and cockroaches

Then comes the intervention where we discover that the PM is still grieving about the death of his original programming language and the team loves him but thinks he should move on

The next day the development studio is modernised and has a candy bar, tennis table and everyone is forced to use linux on their new macbooks

Then we experience a good day where everything is great and velocity is through the roof

Then Gordon leaves and everything is shit again

"Don't deploy on Friday" is a public admittance that your company either has no CI/CD pipeline, or that all your devs are retarded rhesus monkeys who only wipe their ass if the product manager wrote it as a spec.

If the saying was: "Don't port your whole API to GraphQL on a Friday", or "Don't switch from MySQL to Postgres on a Friday", I would agree.

But you should be able to do simple deploys all the time.

I deployed on Christmas & New Year's eve. I've deployed code while high on LSD, drunk-peeing 2 liters of beer against a tree after a party. I've deployed code from the hospital while my foot was being stitched up. On average, we deploy our main codebase about 194 times a week.

If you can't trust your deploys, maybe instead of posting stupid memes about not deploying on Fridays, you should fix your testing & QA procedures.

The company behind ads on dutch national news sites/tv stations is stopping with tracking ads.

The interesting reason behind that IMO is that they have this very simple 'banner' which asks in a very understandable way whether people want (or not) tracking shit/cookies placed/loaded on their browser.

Apparently 90% of all visitors go for the "No" option so they don't see the point in continuing to try it anymore.

Awesome!

So I cracked prime factorization. For real.

I can factor a 1024 bit product in 11hours on an i3.
No GPU acceleration, no massive memory overhead. Probably a lot faster with parallel computation on a better cpu, or even on a gpu.

4096 bits in 97-98 hours.

Verifiable. Not shitting you. My hearts beating out of my fucking chest. Maybe it was an act of god, I don't know, but it works.

What should I do with it?

Update: The accountant (wife) restored the database herself.

She also plans to fire the incompetent ones.

What a pleasant twist.

It's Monday morning and they still haven't restored the database.

They said they couldn't find the procedures. They all have a copy: I wrote the documentation myself.

My boss tried to cover for them but deleting the docs. They are under version control you idiots.

Time to search for a new job. This incompetence is going to be the death of me.

I am bloody sick of being on my own.

I was the sole dev at the last few jobs I've held, with the exception of API Guy -- who didn't really help much, and who got fired / quit six months after I started. Every other job I've either been the only dev, or the only web dev. (Exception:My boss at my previous job was a Rails dev, but he has zero time to code, and was significantly less experiened so he could only rarely help anyway.)

But now I'm in a company with a bunch of other devs, and they're all ostensibly senior devs, so you'd think I should be able to ask questions, right? And get answers? that actually help? like "Hey, you built this; how does it work?" No bloody way.

So far every time I've asked someone for help, they've been incompetent. I asked about what a few flags did, and got an answer that basically said "you just gotta know. oh, and the labels aren't up to date, so don't trust what they say." I asked the head of the "product team" about a ticket that he wrote, and he changed what it meant four times within two days. I asked about another, and he said "oh, that isn't reproduceable." Thanks. I asked about mailers, and got two very different, very incompete walkthroughs from the more senior devs (9+ years on this codebase) that didn't help. I asked two people about how users and roles work, and still have no idea what kind of user (there are like twelve?) is what, what roles even exist, or how to check for permissions. `@current_user` is a thing, but idfk what it holds since that can change considerably, and there's an impersonation feature that changes how it works, too. I ask the product guy again about where to link something, and he has no idea. I ask said product guy about what this feature needs to do, and he doesn't know. I ask what the legal team needs, and i get nothing. I ask the designer where the goddamn CSS lives, and he doesn't know; he apparently just puts it wherever he feels like, even if it's a completely unrelated stylesheet. As long as it works, right?

I ask very simple and straighforward questions, and it takes them forever to get back to me saying what amounts to "idk, ask someone else."

This feels like the same crap all over again, except now there are a bunch of devs I can ask that give me basically the same answers as the sales people always did. Always "idk" or a confusing mess of an 'answer' that skips most/all of the important bits. At least these people don't [usually] contradict themselves.

So, @Root is all alone, again.
And currounded by incompetence.
Again.

For fuck's sake.
Can't I catch a break?

I just reviewed a resume that has 18 pages. I thought I've seen the worst. I have three stories so hopefully, the people having a hard time finding a job would get something out of this. Some people just don't make sense.

Candidate no. 1: The guy has a specific section for "Personal Details" with information that includes the following:

Gender: Male
Race: <citizenship>
Nationality: <name of his country>

In the work experience, he indicated his responsibilities and one of them was "protect the name of the company at all costs". Wow, my pee pee hard. He has a shitload of Apple certifications and cancelled an interview before. On the date of his re-scheduled interview, the recruiter couldn't contact him. Probably died from an overdose of whatever drug he was on. Thank god, I did not want to waste both of our time.

Candidate no. 2: One of those "proactive" egotistical junior developers. So eager to trash other languages, elitist little fucks, and one of those "Windows bad, reeeeee" types. He said he only uses Linux but he can also use Windows because he would run a virtual machine in Windows that has Linux in it. Big brain 2020. I checked his LinkedIn profile and voila, the most recent of his activities was a shared post saying it should be illegal to push code that doesn't follow PEP8 standards. I crossed my fingers not to see an "HTML is not a programming language" shit in there.

I checked his portfolio, bloated piece of shit that has one of those rounded boxes in the middle. 50% nothing and 50% box that has all the details. He has menus named "Face" and "Emoji Events". He says there "I'm a pedantic programmer" and right after that statement are grammatical errors in various states of decomposition.

Interview day, he didn't miss the chance to tell me about how he wants everything to follow the standards and that his current company doesn't have good documentation so he's looking for other jobs. Strict about standards such as naming conventions but doesn't know data structures and algorithms. Epic priorities.

"Okay." I give him the assessment exam and left him alone for 30 minutes. I told him that he doesn't have to answer all of it and it's just a way to assess his knowledge (hint: try your best and be honest). I came back and he's browsing on his phone. He said he's looking for answers in SO but the connection went down.

"Okay." I checked the exam, no answers for most of it and the ones with answers are all wrong. Technically, you already cheated and yet you didn't get to answer all of it and you didn't even get anything right.

"Okay." He asks, "Do you use a lot of Math in the project?" I was confused. He then said that the exam has a lot of Math in it. The exam was a basic programming exam - how to swap the values of two variables, data structures, what is the time complexity of this and that, method resolution order, etc.

Candidate no. 3: A "full stack" developer. When you see that title, you know you're in for a carnival ride. Senior developer, almost 20 years of experience, has a Master's degree in a reputable university. Every page has a small box with some artsy style on it and a small chunk of information like where he graduated and shit. It's like a scrapbook of pain. This pattern repeated for the rest of the pages. I feel like I read a whole book and got nothing. Like you can ask me what the book I've been reading all day is about and I can't answer you because I don't fucking know. The amazing part is he would often have titles that look like this:

Software Develope
r

System Administrato
r

The fuck? I checked his LinkedIn and of course, I see that "Dear recruiters, if you're looking for blah blah blah, that's an entire IT department" cancer.

"Okay."

Spaces produce bigger binary when compiled from code then tabs.
Ladies and gentleman, this was my friend who studied computer science at University.

Please sir please

@ynnk </3

So this other senior dev got seriously ill a couple of weeks ago and the project he was working on was assigned to me. His code was so aesthetic, loved his work, the structured code helped me a lot in meeting the deadlines. He returned a few days back and now the company has given him two weeks notice because "his pace is slow". I am frustrated, PM is frustrated. The guy is such a gem that he is still helping with all the new requirements client is throwing at us.

The look on a client's face when they realised that I program[med] sex toys for a living was pretty priceless.

Their attitude change, however, cost them a contract. Programming sex toys is no different from programming anything else.

Why do you have to bring in your religious views or my previous contracts into the conversation? All I'm doing is a network audit for your company. I'm not gonna hide a dildo in your closet, or something. I'm supposed to only be around for a few days, too.

Guess I had too many cooties, with how harsh they burnt that contract and bridge.

:')

Man, we have a snake in our company.

This snake is responsible for terrible code. They oversee a offshore team, but hold them to no coding practices. They don't do code reviews or checks. They let them be lazy and get away with sloppy work every time.

And if you critize their team - they will defend them and get angry at you. You can't adress the problem because said snake is always around. He's in a senior position for giving our company cheap workers, doing years of damage to our product while the non-code savvy managers remain blissfully unaware of their product being ruined in the background.

This snake is the senior product office. He has a share in the company now. He is from the overshore team's country. That team now has their claws so dug into our companies roots and are just pumping lsd's into it constantly. Feels good untill you die from an overdose.

Here I am, the new junior software developer, trying to tear out the claws that have sunk into these roots. Im up against the snake. The snake hates me. I hate the snake. I am trying to open the eyes of the managers. They hate that. They want to silence me so I don't expose the awful, unprofessional level of work they do.

Well, that's too bad. I won't back down from this, snake.

Continued…

The company that I’m working for has done lots of subtle racist things surrounding diversity policy. There was a major blowout between execs and suddenly all went quiet. The guy that was hired against my recommendation was gone. Until early January when he showed up at our building to raid our kitchen. WTF. It turns out HR decided to move him to the other office and out of sight so my team wouldn’t see him. He isn’t working on a project and is getting paid on the bench for more than the 100% billable devs.

After I saw him bumming around, I replied to a recruiter that has been trying to recruit me to their company.

The position pays 25% more 😲 and comes with a an amazingly relaxed development environment. Developer time is managed and allocated by someone in a dedicated role. 80% of the time is sprint work and the rest is self-driven projects or learning. Teams are stable, mostly local, and there is very low turnover. Developers get Mac or Linux computers.

I’m doing an executive meet and greet at the other company tomorrow. They will be the ones that will make me the final offer. I feel pretty good about it too because they will let me sign up to start in a month and a half so I can give a long notice, work until the end, and my current company can hire me back as a consultant in a pinch. It softens the blow for my current company and it makes it easy for me.

Worst case scenario I don’t take the position but use it for leverage. Who am I kidding? I’ll definitely jump ship when negotiation is done tomorrow.

https://devrant.com/rants/2338969/...

Dear diary,
today I learned that pulling the power plug on my Raspberry Pi will turn it off. I wonder what I will learn tomorrow.

Okay so my co-workers explains why they give me the title "GitHub Maid":

Basically most of the time the engineering didn't have the time to scroll through issues, and that includes me, so a lot of this stuff does not get triaged properly when reported. When I stumbled on the tracker, I knew I had to do something, so I sorted and sorted and managed the tickets by my own.

So being a "GitHub Maid" is not something to be embarrassed about after all, in fact, I think the dev team owed me a lot because the issue tracker is more organized, and the issues are getting triaged and assigned properly now compared before.

So if they call you like something similar, be proud of it because some developers wouldn't even bother to tidy up issue tracking.

Developer: Can you upgrade my machine to Windows 10? I need it for SQL server 2019.

IT Guy: Sure.

Some time later...

IT Guy: Good news, Windows 10 is loaded. Bad news, I need to update TPM to enable Bitlocker but the firewall is blocking me from downloading the update. I will need to download it from home tonight.

Developer: But you're the IT administrator...

IT Guy: Yes...

Developer: ...