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A very sad story. I ran into my ex again and it brought up a lot of pain for the both of us. 😢
Me: "Hi. How are you?"
Java: "I'm good, you? What are you doing here?"
Me: "I'm good too. I work here and uhm.. boss said I have to work with you."
Java: *giggles nervously*
Me: "So.. you're looking good."
Java: "Yeah. I guess I'm still relevant." (sulky)
Me: "Hey, hey, of course you are. I left because I just didn't think you were the right fit for me and I didn't want to lead you on."
Java: "Yeah.. so let's work together." *smiles shyly*
The longer I looked at her, the more I thought "Why did I leave her in the first place?" She looked so smooth and tidy unlike.. no, no, I shouldn't think that about Python. I chose her for a reason. I chose her because I know we have a future together. Whatever problem we're having, it will pass, no amount of developers with sadistic indentations is gonna change that. I must stay loyal and remember why I moved on in the first place.
Java: "So what are you doing now?"
Me: "I'm making a copy of you."
Java: "What kind of copy? What do you mean?"
Me: "Well, my boss asked me to convert you into a Python library."
Java: "What?! So you came here after all these months just to hurt me? Salt to the wound, eh? Leaving me and replacing with that bitch just wasn't enough. You have to come around here again and slap the fact into my face!"
Me: "No. No. I can explain. I didn't want to do this. I tried to let you go and if given the chance, I would never want to disturb you again."
Java: "No!" *makes hentai noises and walks away*
Me: *cries uncontrollaby on my desk*
Janitor: *walks in* "Nani?"
TLDR : I left a company which doesn't understand the concept of email id and passwords.
Me (trying to login to the alumni website) *no register user option*
Customer support - you've to click on forgot password to create an account.
Me - Wonderful
*clicks on reset password*
*enters employee id, name, email, father's name, DOB, date of joining , date of leaving, current city because apparently if I just enter my employee id it is as if they never knew me. Sigh*
*your password will be sent to your email id*
Me - okay. *waits for two weeks because I assumed someone will manually go and create my account and email me, considering the state of system. *
After two weeks,
Me - I still haven't received my password on email after I created my account. Can you please check?
After one week,
Customer support - you need to click on forget password if you forgot your password.
Me - *inventing new curse words* I have not forgot my password, I never received it in the first place!
After one week,
Customer support - yes you'll receive your password on your email id.
Me - *runs out of curse words* seriously dude?
* proceeds to reset password*
System - your password has been reset. Your new password will be sent to your email id. *apparently anyone can reset passwords if you have the employee id, which is an integer*
After a week
Me - Am I going to ever receive the password? I've tried generating passwords, resetting my password. I never get my passwords. What should I do!!
Customer support - yes you need to click on Forgot password.
Me - are you fucking kidding me!!!
You fuckers need to be fired and replaced by a FAQ page which has no question and just a single answer, because a peanut has higher IQ than you. For any questions you may have, just reset password. Goddammit idiots!
Also, which email id are you sending my passwords to?
Customer support - firstname.lastname@example.org
Me - you do realize that this is the alumni website for the company. Alumni means ex members.
Being ex members, you can assume we don't have access to our company email ids obviously?
Customer support - yes.
Me - how am I supposed to get the password using my old email id then?
Customer support - you need to click on forgot password option.
I think I should probably move to the Himalayas for my anger management issues. Plus it'll be probably easier to throw idiots off a mountain.33
Me: *hours of coding, develops a feature*
Code: I'm working..
Me: Oh good.. will monitor you for sometime.
Code: Ok, I'm done. I'll stop working now.
Me: *sits for hours to solve bugs*
And when almost done,
VPN: Someone's having a good day, I'll disconnect you now.
Me: *tries switching on/off VPN couple of times..*
When it starts to connect,
WIFI: Oh wait!! It's my turn to bid goodbye now. Have a nice day sir
Me: Of course !! The wifi
Me: *restarts router/ troubleshoot etc*
When wifi says connected...
Battery: Good job with wifi.. I'm down now..what you gonna do?
Me: Are you fucking kidding me???
Me: *connects charger, wait for laptop to switch on*
Me: *jumps out window*15
My grandpa just gave me 100$ for fixing his TV:
-And here is you paycheck son...
-What? Noo, it was literally 2 minutes factory reset, I don't need this :D
-Oh come on. I'm not paying you because you because you pressed some buttons. I pay you, because you exactly knew which buttons to press. Now, take it!
Truly, the man of honor...11
My girlfriend is amazing:
After a long uphill battle trying to finish a huge open source project I started months ago. She noticed I was getting a little deflated.
So she donated a small amount to the donation page to lift my spirits.
She wanted to do it secretly but didn't know that it wasnt anonymous.
The little things spur us on.30
Twice today I've spoken up in meetings and was totally ignored. I guess my idea wasn't even worth a reply? :-/
Five minutes later: oh, right, I forgot I'd muted myself.
Senior frontend Dev at my company: "microservices best thing ever"
Also him: "Relational databases gonna die"
Also him (talking to the DB team): "You're gonna dissapear, Mongo is the future"
Me: "Eh... Dude, Mongo is still a database.."
If you invite me to a "lunch and learn" about company policies, and I have to bring my own lunch, well, that's just a meeting during my lunch, isn't it?16
My team: gets fired
8 other colleagues: here’s our notice, we leavin
Love it, they’re left with 4 devs so good luck finding people who know how to work in your 20 year old legacy that every app in ur company is built on lul13
"I quit Facebook because they do not value my privacy", my friend told me while scrolling through his Instagram feed6
I'm the biggest dumbass, the laziest procrastinator I know of..
Joined devRant in June 2017, got eligible for the stickers in a week's time, sent a mail requesting them, but never received it. Given the size of our community, I thought I'm way behind in the list and probably receive them in few months. After a year, I totally forgot about it.
But, the colossal stupid that I am, had also lost the key to my mailbox (the physical one). I never cared about the lost key, because who sends post these days !!!
When I finally got a duplicate key for my mailbox after 2 years, guess what I found.. a first class international mail from devRant which arrived on July 2017 🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️, couple of weeks after I originally requested
But, yay... I finally got them..16
Receiving a bug report from the manual tester “numeric input does not work”.
He accidentally disabled Num Lock on his keyboard.15
Shared screen with a client over Skype. Showed them in Postman that their API wasn't working as expected. It was expecting a json. Instead it was giving error code 400 instead of 200.
"Error: No error. All OK"
I'll never forget the words of the client:
"Don't use all this fancy software, you don't know how to call APIs, open Internet Explorer or chrome and paste it in the bar. You'll see All OK, means all is okay."
*insert you dense mf meme here*13
Some ideas for variable names. Thank me later :))
1. bool sheet;
2. int entionally;
3. char mander;
4. double penetration;
5. string cheese;
6. long schlong;22
When we finally get to Mars, all programmers on Earth will scream in pain over having to program another timezone16