Maybe I'll get some decent advice from a rampant over simplification...

2 job offers, assume compensation is close enough to not matter much.

Pride & Ambition/Opportunties
vs
Work-life balance & Time

How would you compare them, and where is the tipping point?

I'm feeling burnt out at the moment, which is screaming to pick the second, but... I can't let go of the first.

If you are burned out, go for second opinion and get a therapist... Burnout is a serious problem.

Basically, ask yourself if you want to have friends and family, and time for them. If no - then go for first option.

Is your health ok? Because the second option will do whatever it can to break your health.

Another one: having less demanding job allows you to involve yourself in another coding activity aside from your job.

Wh. is more important to you? Your mental health or your ego?

@bols59 Honestly, I thought that was an easier question (mental health > ego) than it seems to be. I've never really thought of myself as particularly proud, but I'm also realizing that a lot about how happy I am at work is tied up in being proud of the work I do... So I'm not 100% sure that the job requiring less time/pressure will actually fix as much as it feels like... Seeing a point to work can go a long ways.

@mt30 I do have one, but probably can't get an appointment right in the time to choose between the two jobs. They both seem like significantly better places than my current job, but the higher expectation job does also have a slightly longer commute than I do now... better public transport, but our metro is a bit blegh.

It would step up my impact dramatically, and get to do a lot of cool stuff. It is more stable and has great long term prospects and promotion potential.

Option 2 is simpler, and remote work. I don't think it kills prospects down the road, but it won't improve them significantly without me doing outside work... which might kind of go against the work-life balance advantage a bit. It seems stable enough, but moving on would likely mean elsewhere down the road.

I really loved the people I talked to in both interviews. For the 2nd, I think that's everyone I'd work with day to day. For the first... they are still building the teams but I loved what was there.

It feels like simpler remote work would allow time to improve whatever I want, etc. It seems like the obvious choice. My gut is just not letting go of the other option though, and I can't decide if it's just proud and insane and taking on too much or if I'm not giving proper consideration to the value I'd see in the work.. or if I'm rationalizing any gut impulses and indecision.

I THINK I'd like remote, but I would be more isolated, & there's a bit of doubt in that as much of a pain as going into the other office would be, maybe I'd be happier if I was proud of my work...

It's harder than I thought to tell if more of the anxiety is from the office being a PITA, or more of it being from the work being garbage (and that being demotivating).

The simpler job isn't garbage work, but it's not anything exciting. It's stuff I normally don't mind doing, and I *thought* having a good environment and team was the more important aspect until it was laid on the line and I need to choose.

I feel you, mate. Having a similar struggle myself at the moment. Couldn't tell you what to do, but for me, if something's on my mind that I can't let go, I feel I owe it to myself to check it out. Otherwise it might gnaw at you forever.

Why do you think the first offer will not have work life balance?

FWIW, I've learnt over the years that people who do not value your time / effort, deserve none of it.

@codebanana The first offer requires commuting toward the city and would add about 20 min. to my commute. I don't think the first will have NO balance intentionally... but the role is less flexible even if they tried to champion that. There's just more pressure & expectations, commuting, and necessary face time w/ external people in suits sort of meetings, plus a steeper learning curve to pick up new tech toys. They've gone out of their way during the interview process, so I do not see it as not valueing my time/effort.

The second is both fully remote (so save 2 hours a day right there from the commute), flexible hours (meet your goal for the week, done), and low meetings with a small team. It would also have a lower learning curve, etc.... which isn't a goal, but undeniably would make any outside skill up time my own.

@BluePanda I hope you follow up and tell us which choice you made. I'd have to toss a fuckin coin listening to Marianne Faithfull to make this decision. It must be really tearing you up in some way whilst you try to decide. My advice, like you asked for it, is that the answers are always in the silence.

@bols59 Thanks, seriously... really ANY input is at least not the same mental circles.

I keep changing my mind based on being tired or annoyed at one thing or another at the moment, which is no good... Most of my brain is saying to take the 2nd, but there's just a stubborn gut thing that won't let the 1st go no matter how much it seems illogical. I kind of wish one would implode so I could just focus on being happy with the other. I've screwed up these sort of choices before.

@bols59 I accepted the first offer. It is possible I'm insane. I guess I'll find out. They're doing the on boarding paperwork and starting in about 2 weeks.

I accepted the job, turned down the other... and then the next day ended up with a health issue that's put me out for a week.

In theory, the health problem shouldn't be able to be stress related, but it's... in the least been an unusual week.