So, since the day I had a breakup, today was the first day I actually sat down in the office late, long after everyone was gone. And finished a Story assigned to me in 2 hours.

I spent months going to office physically, not able to give 100%. Usually I would go late but leave early. Come home and do nothing. My efficiency tanked. Even smallest and easiest tasks would take me 2 days. I was wasting time. I couldn't do anything about it.

Today, after the git push I made at 9PM, I felt a little better about myself.

I still struggle mentally. I don't know why I'm like this. I feel like a loser at times. I used to be so good couple of years ago. But these days I barely feel good about myself.

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    How long ago was the breakup ? Is it because of that you’re feeling low? Are there other issues? What’s going on my man?
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    @grumpyoldaf 6 months ago. It's okay now. Yeah I couldn't work because of it. I was depressed.
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    @NeedABreak am sorry about all this bro. We’re all here if you need a place to vent. And it’s good you’re starting to feel efficient again. Not to be an asshole but may I suggest physical excercise or gym routines? They help.
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    When dealing with depression going to the gym is like walking through knee deep shit...you just dont want to do it. Depression in the development community is quite a big issue and hard to deal with. In our code we can control everything and anything we want, in real life this is not the case.

    But we can predict it :) thank goodness for logic. Start small, take the stairs instead of the elevator, take a 5min break every hour and walk somewhere or outside the office, eat 1 apple a week. Just simple things, you will have ups and downs even with the smallest physical tasks, just keep doing them and you will see it slowly gets better.

    After that, try a new hobby, something you wanted to do as a kid but never could, something completely random you saw that one time that looked kinda cool, go on a 1 person holiday (Local hotel down the road). We never realize that we have to look after ourselves as well till its too late. Good luck!
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    @Drmzindec Disagree with the knee deep gym shit thing. Please don’t start picturing a guy lifting 500lbs like a maniac to get over depression.

    I meant all the other stuff at the gym where there are people and trainers and you’re in a social setting and working out at your own pace. It brings discipline and gets you out of your being alone phase.
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    I talk to my friends usually when things get heavy. I get good perspectives from them and I think, I am doing the right thing facing this depression. I will be fine eventually. I hope.

    It's just that you always picture better things about yourself, and when something like this happens to you, it sinks you in. But I guess I have learnt to accept what's life. And it's not always peaks and glitter. The more I learn to deal with my emotions alone, more happy I will be in future.
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    @Drmzindec there's a difference between not wanting to do something because it's bad for you and it hurt, than because it's good for toy but it's difficult.

    Too many people have the mentality that the gym hurts. It doesn't (although it can if you do it wrong), but it is difficult. The key thing with the gym is that you can incrementally and concretely see yourself improving in something when everything else it's telling you you're a failure. THAT is the power of the gym: finding control and substance in a place of chaos and dysfunction.

    The gym shouldnt be an ordeal, it should be meditation. You go, you do your routine, and you leave knowing you:
    1) Accomplished something today
    2) Did something to advance your health
    3) Did something to advance your physique
    4) Did something that you physically could not have done 6 weeks ago

    I get that the gym is not for everyone, but finding something that you can measure your improvement in regardless of circumstance is powerful, and necessary.
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    @grumpyoldaf Not sure if you have ever dealt with depression, but in the case of myself and people from group therapy that I was in, not one of them wanted to go to the gym or do any physical activities at all.

    Even worse being around other people, strangers, who have no idea what you are going through, or judging you, or looking at you, why are they happy and im not, how come they are normal, whats wrong with me? Fuck this! You get where I am going with this....

    Its not really as easy as that ever, thats why I suggested to start slower than going to a gym or social setting. Focus on yourself first, than do social settings is what I am getting at.
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    @arcsector I was speaking from personal experience and not from an outside perspective. Im not scared of working out, I was scared of dealing with people at the gym, the world outside, their happiness, the amount of work and preparation I had to do to get to the gym and back.

    The gym inst for everyone, I do much better just taking a walk with the dog or going skateboarding down to the shops and back, or a bike ride - focusing on myself and not the world around me.

    Your last sentence is what I find most important, find that one thing and enjoy it, than find another. Start small and work your way up. Dealing with depression is different for everyone, but what I found most in common with people who struggled with it was that most of them didnt want to physical things, at all, ever, that makes the gy, useless and just another stressor.
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    @Drmzindec Fair enough. Agreed!!

    Also nigga I’ve been dealing with depression for almost 3 years now so I know a little bit about what am talking about!! Peace out!
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    "My efficiency tanked. Even the smallest and easiest tasks would take me 2 days. I was waiting time. I couldn't do anything about it."
    I can see myself there!
    For me it is directly related to physical health issues though and there is no improvement in sight for that. I have been on sick leave for the last two months now (and a total of maybe another 2 months before that), but I don't feel like I got anything done this whole year. Which is even more depressing when I consider that the time I did spend (waste) at work has made my condition worse.
    I think that I do get a bit better on the mental side lately. I recently got a bit more motivation to get out of bed and do something about my physical condition. The last week has been quite bad however, also because I had to change my pain medication - not fun. Not fun at all.
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