5
sgol
54d

!rant
I didn't know that working with React will destroy my confidence like this, I know that coding is hard but being tasked to build a front end for a large project with React and use React Boilerplate (which is not for beginners) just a month after starting my first job as a front end developer is nowhere to be the perfect start to one's career.

the quarantine did not help, it made it worse, I have so much fear that I can't even see my code, I even wanted to write some simple side project to retake some confidence but I can't, I want to tell my boss that I can't continue but he's very nice that I don't want to worry him, and here I am having panic attacks and fear, not a fear of being fired, because I am prepared and I deserve it, but fear that I can't code any more, I am not a good developer, but it's the only thing I know.

I had low confidence before but not as much as this time, this time I feel like it's the end of everything, I keep staring at the screen for hours and I can't think straight.

I am lost and I don't know how to handle this, I became a bad father and a bad husband, I don't talk to anyone, not even my kids ...

as always thanks for reading me, I only have this community that understand me.

Comments
  • 2
    Common man you’re learning a new technology, it takes time. Your boss knows that. That’s why he is ok.

    Side projects help. You can set up one in your spare time if you wish.
  • 1
    do yourself a favor and talk them into svelte. Way, way smaller learning curve if you already know html and js.
  • 2
    At least talk to your wife also so she can help you somehow it may not be with work but at help you boost your morale.

    Be honest with your boss so you can both find a different route to the problem maybe they can ask a colleague to mentor or give some guidance.

    Maybe take a five minute break of you start panicking so you can recover yourself.
  • 1
    shit son, you should try your hand at data science, writing shit code is the standard and you get paid.
  • 1
    You are new. It’s a new technology. Your boss must know this. In general good tech leads expect some time for the newcomers to get on both.

    Talk to your boss about the difficulties you have. Talk to your wife about your insecurities. Work on your mental health! I get anxiety attacks every once in a while and it’s really important to be open with your support circle and push yourself to be open. I know it’s hard. But you gotta try.

    As for react and the technology. This stuff is not easy (neither are any other technologies) the fact that you can read even 1 line of code and understand it, makes you already better than many other people. It is only easy when you’ve used it for very long and the people around write good clean code. So don’t sweat it! And power through!!
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