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Excuse me boss!
During increment time
Boss : There are 50 bricks on an Plane. If u drop 1 outside. How many
are left?
Employee : That's easy, 49.
Boss : What are the three steps to put an elephant into a fridge?
Employee : Open the fridge. Put the elephant in. Close the fridge
Boss : What are the four steps to put a deer into the fridge?
Employee : Open the fridge. Take the elephant out. Put the deer in. Close the fridge.
Boss : It's lion's birthday, all animals are there except one, why?
Employee : Because the deer is in the fridge.
Boss : How does an old woman cross a swamp filled with crocodiles?
Employee : She crosses it because the crocodiles are at the lion's birthday
Boss : Last question. In the end the old lady still died. Why?
Employee : Er....I guess she drowned....err...
Boss : No! She was hit by the brick fallen from the Plane that's the problem, you are not focused on your job....You may leave now!!!
Moral: If your boss has decided to screw u, no matter How much u prepare u will be screwed.19 -
Every single time I visit my family during holidays they expect one to fix their computer/smartphone/printer/whateverFuckingShittyIOT-Device... Just printed them postcards this time ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Also: Hello devRant! Just been reading here for a week and every single day was full of gold - Thanks :)
12 -
My family asked me what do I need in these holidays. "Dozen of Raspberry Pi", I replied.
They brought me 12 blueberry.6 -
How to secure yourself from flash 0-day attacks:
1. Uninstall flash
2. Don't reinstall flash
3. Seriously, you don't need flash7 -
Client: Hi. my SEO guy messed up the website. Its kind of .... you know .... gone. You must have the backup. Please restore
Me (after 10 mins): Done
.............
Client: Hi again. I don't see my changes from yesterday. Why?
Me: Because I had 2 months old backup.
Client: Why?
Me: Because that's the last time I worked on your website. And you changed the credentials later on.
Client: But you're a programmer. You must have had a back door to take back ups.
........
Client: Hello?
Me: It's time to leave earth.8 -
What non-dev team members don't understand is that when we tell them to wait while we're coding, we actually don't ignore them but try to finish the code before we forget what were we typing.1
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$sis: hey $me, can you help me?
$me: Uhm, sure, what's wrong?
$sis. The printer doesn't work..
$me: what does it say?
$sis: what do you mean?
$me: like, when you try to print something, what does it say?
$sis: uhm... idk...where should it say something
$me: On your screen you should be getting an error message right?
$sis (now getting irritated for some reason): no it doesn't..
$me: okay, let me check it out
*I walk to the printer with my sister's laptop and plug in the usb*
*Select printer > click print*
"Printer offline"
$me: was it also saying this before
$sis: uhm...yes
$me: ok
At this point im already getting a bit fed up
$me: are you sure this port is working
$sis: yes, I am sure
Okay, check other ports just to be sure, also don't work.
After about 15 minutes of debugging, turns out she managed to unplug the cable on the printer...
And all I got was a "o thanks"
Fml6 -
" The junior dev just told me about an app called devRant. What have you been ranting about me on it?"
Beware of PMs.
1 -
Some kid in my class just legit asked the teacher what a router and a modem is.
The thing is: the teacher didnt even know.13 -
When people think that a 3 weeks online programming course get them equal to your 10 years experience 😑7
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That awkward moment when you open a terminal and the non dev person next to you thinks you're hacking him.
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-- How I succeeded turning a PHP/MYSQL app into Android app within a week --
Alright. So I wanted to grab your attention to what I'm about to write. If you are here just to read about the technologies I used, jump to bottom.
This is also a kind of rant; rant against the other fellow devs who demotivated me originally when I asked a question.
I'll not go in the details of my original question. Here's the link for those who are interested:
https://www.devrant.io/rants/366496
It's been days since I achieved what I wanted to but I thought someone might learn from my experience. So here it goes.
Why FREE?
Well, it was an important client. I worked on his website and he asked for an app for the same website and told me he won't be able to pay me anything for the app. I was, somewhat, under the impression that he might be testing me. If not, then I would end up learning something new. It wasn't a bad deal for me so I didn't hesitate to took it.
Within a week, I was able to pull the job and finish it. I felt so much better (and proud of myself) when I finished the app within the week and client approved it. What did I get? I got a GOOD BANK CLIENT in my pocket now. Got a lot more worth of projects from the same client. If I were being paid for the app, I might not have pulled the job so much better.
So the moral of this story is never to give up. NOT EVERY DEVELOPER SELLS SHORT ONLY FOR "MONEY". Some enjoy learning new things. And some like me love to accept new challenges and are not afraid to try something new everyday.
In case, someone is interested in knowing the technologies I used, here they go;
PhoneGap
Framework7
Template7
Apache Cordova
I wrote an API for the interaction between the web services and the app.
Also, Ionic Framework seems promising but it had a learning curve and time was of the essence. But I'm gonna learn it anyhow.15 -
The other day, one of my cousin purchased a POS software for his bakery. He wanted me to look at it. Being curious, I did and found out that software was a decade old using MS Access as DB. He wanted couple of changes in the system and I did those in few mins.
Once I was done, he kept starring me like he never believed I could do that.
Moral: Your relatives never consider you a good programmer :-/7 -
The way most of us devs are spending time on devRant, it seems @dfox might need to introduce a feature named "Reminder" in the app to let devs know that they need to get back to code.1
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The whole family is going out of country tomorrow. You know what that means?
It means 24 hours coding and no one to disturb 😎1 -
German printing company's order form. Great example for how to make me NOT order there ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
"Show all nodes (9500 More)"
Translation: "Papier und Auflage" == "Paper type and amount"
15 -
Since you guys liked my icons, I decided to make a few based on some popular programming languages
7 -
First off: setup reveal
second off: thanks everyone for the 1000++!!
Lastly: devrant stickers!
Thanks @dfox and @trogus for making this awesome platform
14 -
Algorithms strike again :D
By the way I really much agree on both rants. People asking questions that they not even once typed into Google. Disturbing my workflow every 5 minutes...
1 -
Sometimes, I wish to punch Bill Gates in the face for founding Microsoft which created Windows 10.
Fucking updates19 -
One of my former client has refused to pay the remaining balance. I dedicate this to that ass(donkey)hole.
3 -
Does anyone know what program people use to create those beautiful code snippets? I can't find an example, but it looks quite close to this, just with more vibrant colors.
4 -
Oh My God!
I just spent 2 hours trying to fix an issue. Just came to know that I was using the wrong index number from the array.
* KILL ME * -
I appreciate all of your suggestions to improve devRant but I've a counter suggestion to make. Please do not post silly ideas. We should not try to make this community another Facebook or Twitter. Let's keep it simple and plain. We're better than non-dev users in many ways.5
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Create a folder on your desktop or use any 3rd party cloud service; when you've an idea and sooner or later realize that it's stupid. Don't just discard it, instead, put it in the ideas recycle folder. After a while, browse your ideas recycle folder. When going through all of them, I'm sure you'll come up with a new and better version of all those ideas.1
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Fuck regex and everyone who has ever endorsed the use of and/or is affiliated with regex.
It's unreadable, impractical, overly complex and complicated and it adds unnecessary clutter to your code, and your thought process.
It's 00:50 am and I just spent 3 hours debugging a regex only to realise forgot a single "?" in a 75+ character long string and I want to go to bed.14 -
That awkward moment when you email a quote to your new client and he responds with "Why so expensive? Wix is so cheap"
* Kill me*5 -
Usually, when I'm in the mood to code, my GF will tease me by sending a lot of text messages at once.
When I'm not in the mood, she had slept earlier :-|3 -
I decided to make some minimalist icons for my launcher. What do you guys think?
Edit: I just noticed the devrant color is slightly too light. Will fix soon
9 -
!rant
Challenge for all Linux users:
You have to unpack sometarball.tgz
You have 10 seconds.
No googling!
Can you do it?29 -
I just spent 15 minutes trying to figure out why my school WiFi was so slow. Turns out, windows was downloading an update, ON HIGHEST FUCKING PRIORITY. Fuck you windows1
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The moment when you're really into coding and then, a family member enters your workspace and starts talking to you.5
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Why do I ++ like 90% of the rants?
Devrant is HOWSOMEEEEEEE, thank you guys.
BTW, most distraction? Devrant3 -
Estimation shows I was put on about 13 watchlists after searching: "how to kill all children of single parent"
The struggles of a programmer1 -
Few months back, one of my good but non-dev friend came to visit me.
He: I've done a website in HTML. Can you help me make it responsive.
Without a second thought, I agreed.
*Opened the file in editor*
<tables> <tables> <tables> <tables>
I kicked him out of my house without a second thought.3 -
*Open devRant on my phone
*Scrolling, laughing, do things.
*Enough devRant now, close the app
*Open devRant on my laptop
Me: What am I doing here ! -
So I've finally decided to move from Windows to Linux. However, there are so many distros of linux available now which made me confused in choosing the right one.
What would be the best linux distro for a backend web developer? I don't mind if there would be a learning curve. Thanks29 -
The moment when a client asks to make a website responsive which was developed in earlier 2000. You open the code and its using HTML table structures.4
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Hey everyone. I decided to rewrite python's abs() function, as it's really slow. Here is my new and improved version. It's up to 500% faster!!!
def abs(int=None):
if not int is None:
try:
lnt = math.sqrt(int);
lnt = math.pow(lnt, 2);
return lnt;
except Exception as E:
lnt = int/-1;
return lnt;
else:
raise ValueError("oopsie whoopsie! uwu we made a fucky wucky!!1 a wittle fucko boingo! the code monkies at our headquarters are working VEWY HAWD to fix dis!!");
Edit: devrant fucked up the indention.
Here is a hastebin instead:
https://hastebin.com/iyajuyoxuq.pl9 -
That awkward moment when your family and friends sit behind you and ask questions;
What is this you're typing on the screen?
Why words have different colors?
Why so many tabs?
How do you type so fast?
....... and more
Share yours.13 -
The only reason why I hate Apple products is their proprietary accessories. I've been using a 3rd party iPhone cable for over an year without an issue. Today, this fucking ego-phone decided not to support this data cable anymore.2
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When you work from home and your same age cousins do nothing to earn, their parents: "It doesn't matter. He (me) works from home, meaning he does nothing too".
Seriously?2 -
$Me: I want to start creating my own android app.
$Me: Let's start by installing android studio
*Goes to download AS*
$AS: That'll be 4gb of your disk space
$Me: well nevermind then
Really? 4gb for a fcking IDE and some build tools?5 -
Do you all get the mood when you don't wish to code anything because you like to Google new technologies and platforms all day?
I'm having such a mood today.2 -
The single most annoying thing about working with Microsoft is how they, at one point, decided to wipe 99% of their articles and downloads on their site. But instead of updating it in their OWN FUCKING OS, they just leave links to the broken pages in their help system. The second problem then arises when you realise that instead of giving you an error page, it automatically redirects you to the default page.
But on top of wiping their site, not updating windows to reflect those changes, and having a terrible site design, they have also decided that it would be best to keep the pages that once we're, online. This means that they will still show up in search engines, without any content being there.
Add to that the fact that their support team is incompetent to an insane degree, and often doesn't know what they're talking about. This has caused me so much frustration over the last few days.
Dear Microsoft, please get your act together and fix your shitty website.
Greetings,
A pissed of customer who paid money for your shitty services3 -
Was creating an interactive map through Google Maps API. The map wasn't displaying at all on the website. Spent 2 hours trying to fix. Just realized I've not given height to the map div :-/1
-
#Apple had just one non-proprietary port in their phones and they've removed it in #iPhone7.
Wonder how come they agreed to have USB-C in their latest notebooks.
Welcome to the expensive world of Apple.5 -
I thought I would have all day to code after my family went on vacations for 2 months. Tbh, I miss them :( Coding and my cat are the only companions at home.2
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Yayyyyy! I got the stickers 😆
Thank you @dfox and @trogus for building this great dev community. We owe you 1000 lines of code :p
1 -
The client (who is also a relative) decided to change the website after the testing phase. Gonna change 50% of the website tonight without getting any extra dime. FML
Don't work for relatives especially for whom your family asks for.3 -
When you accidentally click the wrong download link
I've spend the last 4 hours trying to get this shit out of my system12 -
There is this client who responds to my project emails instantly but goes radio silent when a payment email is sent.
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My cousin needed quick website and I could never turn him down for the kind of relationship I have with him. When I completed the web, he was like "how were you able to finish it over the weekend?". And I said, "it's all magic"3
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What good is developing an admin dashboard when client always sends you content to upload on the website 😐1
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I'm sitting in front of my 27 inch LED, with devRant opened in browser and waiting for devs to rant. C'mon guys, don't you have years of ranting inside you?
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At one point, my laptop's hard drive went down. Turns out, windows had written some garbage data to the mft, and fucked up the file structure. Luckily i was able to restore a big chunk of the data using recuva. I cleaned the disk after saving the most important files, cleaned the disk, reinstalled windows. All good so far. I put the laptop's drive and my recovery disk into my desktop to put back the files. During the install in forced me to make an account, which I wanted to delete. So I ran "rmdir /users /s" and went to grab a cup of coffee. Turns out, cmd was pointed at my recovery disk instead of my laptop disk. My whole backup wiped.1
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"Did you get it?"
"Yes. I GIT it"
* Silence *
"Oh. What were you saying?"
Things that happen when I'm coding. -
An old client came back to me stating that I didn't fix the last change he requested a month ago. I went in old emails, found out what he needed, tried the website, it was doing exactly what he wanted.
I wrote to him with confusion asking what was he wanted me to fix.
"It's not working"
"It is"
"No, it's not. Can't you see?"
I attached old email conversations and sent him to see for himself.
"I am not talking about that." I want it to work like this, like that, blah blah blah.
-------------
Fucking asshole. Tell me you wanted new feature in the website. -
I am getting paid just to develop a FYP project for two students.
After 3 weeks;
"When are you gonna do the charts, use cases etc?"
"WTF?"2 -
So I decided today was a good day to manually compile python 3.6 for my raspberry pi as it hasn't yet been added to any supported repo's. Site says: this will take approximately 30 minutes.
3 hours later: "starting unit testing"2 -
Coding is one of the only types of work where you can spend an entire day focused and working hard and actually come away in a worse state than you were before you started.1
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That awkward moment when you tell your friends a programming joke and realize instantly that none of them is a programmer.1
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When your non-dev gf gets angry on you for not responding to her texts through out the night but you decide to stay quiet because she would never understand that you were trying to fix the code.
5 -
When people write "sys.exit()" in their libraries instead of giving a helpful error and you spend about 3 hours debugging your code and trying to find out why it is exiting.
-
Left the desk to look something to eat in the fridge. Returned 5 mins later to find my laptop restarted all by itself.
Microsoft, you evil bitch.2 -
TIL trogus registered the subreddit devRant, but it has no posts and is locked. Anyone know what the story here is?2
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Was interested to code more but had to force myself to bed because I wanted to give some rest to my brain.2
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I miss those days when I used to sit and have endless dev related conversations with my university fellows. Now, all my non-dev friends only talk about girls, cars, vacations etc. FML2
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I've been up for more than 24 hours and I've a project to finish by Friday evening.
On the other hand, I've a complaining gf.4 -
That awkward moment when you tell your family that you're participating in a hackintosh.
Their response: Why would you do any such thing? Hacking other people is not a good thing son.
Me: It's time to leave earth2 -
What did you do the last 20 minutes?
I watched the timer on my browser slowly tick down as it downloads 550mb over a flimsy school wifi connection in the hopes that my constant watching helps it not time out or crash.3 -
One of my cousin started his higher studies in Computer Sciences. He asked me to teach him any web language so I started with JavaScript. After one week, he came to me complaining that according to his C++ professor, JS is a worst programming language. The professor told him not to learn it.
WTH?4 -
I just spent 4 hours troubleshooting 2 pcs, neither of them working yet. I'm way too tired, and I'm not even sure what I'm saying is correct English but I don't care. Man, fuck my life. I just wanna go to bed, but my brain doesn't think that's a good idea1
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Why won't they listen to us the first time?
One of my client's logo used blue and orange colors. He wanted the website to be echo friendly by using most of the green in the web design. We suggested that it would make the web design seem weird but he disagreed.
Anyhow, we went on with the design and designer actually did a pretty good job making the design look great in green along with 2 logo colors. Design was approved. We coded the website and asked the client to do final testing.
Today, I received an email from the client that he wants to remove echo friendly -- the green color -- completely from the website and replace that color with the logo colors.
FML.3 -
Me installing software:
>Downloads installer
>Runs installer
>"Software installed, must reboot"
>Reboots computer
>Opens program
>"Not the latest version, must update"
>Uhm, ok then
>Click ok
>Update dialogue pops up
>Click next
>"Program is already open, please close program"
>Ok Fu
>Closes program
>Commences update
>"Update complete, must reboot"
Please kill me3 -
Alright. So bye bye to sticky notes. I finally started using Wunderlist app.
No more handwriting I guess :-/2 -
You're stuck in a problem for hours. You light a cig and with the first suck of flame, it comes to you how to fix the problem.
It happens to me everytime. -
This is getting weird. Every day, I finish all pending dev jobs in time and then I get 4-5 hours of spare time.
What to do man!6 -
Lol. So dumb of me. I never knew there was a web version of devRant :p I was so happy on my phone that I never cared to check LOL :D2
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Revenge is best served cold
It had been over 7 weaks since Microsoft was prompting me to restart my system to update Windows.
Today, they took over.
30 mins and still I'm looking at screen waiting to finish updates.9 -
Hate it when client demands a small specific change and doing what requires a lot of modifications in the code.3
-
What is the scope of Meteor? Does it have a steep learning curve? I'm planning to build a cross platform app (web + mobile).2
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This client keeps on popping me with numerous emails. In last hour, I've received over dozen emails with the one sentence website feedback from him.
Make a proper feedback document and send it to me at once you creepy animal.1 -
Some relatives visited me last night. As soon their son realized I'm a coder, he started asking me silly questions e.g. he had installed some silly hitman game and asked me to tell him reason for it wasn't working on his system.
WTF man? How could I tell you the reason without even looking at the installation or error. -
2 months ago, I turned guest room in my home office. Earlier, the family used to call it guest room. Now they say, "That thing must be in his office".
-
Today marks the 2 years of my night shift. It appears it would take another 2 years to settle in the day shift.
This change of shift doesn't suit me at all. I sleep at working hours and stay awake all night.
What do I do?2 -
Do you have a listing of the devRant open source projects - devRant slack bot, analyzer...?
Thanks1 -
Once a programmer writes his first line of code, he can never undo it.
Despite of no-code mood, I opened the IDE and started typing with a single finger.
What's wrong with us? We breath code -
I just fucked up real bad:
My phone was giving some error about not being able to install an update. Fair enough, i think to myself, so i try rebooting. Still nothing...
I then remember that i at some point OEM unlocked it for some testing, so i start up adb and see if i can connect during the update process. I can't. This is bad: I can't get into my home environment, nor can i connect with adb
Then i try booting into recovery, but instead of booting to ACTUAL recovery, it boots to some custom made "E-Recovery" made by huawei (my phone is a huawei p9 lite), which only gives me the option to download the update, which crashes, and no way of resetting. However, from here, i am finally able to connect to my internal storage via hisuite to make a backup
Next up: Bootloader
So i next load up the unlocked bootloader to try and manually flash the update. That works great, but it still wont boot normally. So i figure: it must think my device is in fact a different device. At this point i'm pretty fucked: Even though i have my data backed up, i can't manually download the update from huawei's site because i don't have the right keys, and i can't download an OTA because their site sucks and half of the downloads don't work, including the one i need. So now i'm stuck here with a bricked phone because EMUI doesn't know how to install an update.
I then did the stupidest thing i have done to date: i wanted to flash a custom recovery image over the "E-Recovery" in order to do some troubleshooting, but instead of writing
"fastboot (mydeviceid) flash recovery recovery.img"
I wrote
"fastboot (mydeviceid) flash boot recovery.img"
Meaning i flashed my BOOT partition with a custom recovery image that turned out to not be able to run. Great! Now i've totally fucked my boot sequence
I can't call their support line either, because as soon as they realize i've tried to restore it myself, and therefor had my OEM unlocked, they basically just hang up.7 -
I am very sleepy at the moment. I slept while typing and my head fell on the keyboard.
Just 5 more mins. Almost there 😩1 -
It's been 2 months that I've been waking up early and sleeping before midnight. I miss coding all night 😢4
-
Decided to reset my Windows OS after 1.5 years. Such things happen when you're not in the mood to code.1
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Client: I've this issue.......
Me: Clear browser cache.
Client: I've that issue.....
Me: Clear browser cache.
____________
Client: My site says "Your hosting account is suspended". I cleared browser cache. Nothing works.
Me: clear YOUR brain cache -
I'm glad @dfox has put the "3 rants/hour" limitation. Otherwise, the way I feel to rant, I would have filled up the timeline.1
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The amount of times i've had to reinstall linux over the last week because some random command complete fucked up the filesystem, removed system apps, or whatever, is quite an achievement.
I think it's something like four times over four days5 -
(If anyone remember) A lot of mine two months old rants were related to one of my client who also happened to be my relative. Now this client's uncle (who is also a relative) sent a message to me and asked me if I can put one of his nephew in my company. He assured me he's a good programmer.
Are you fucking kidding me? Just like that? If he was any good, he would have got a job or at least would have done anything by himself.
P.S. When I looked at his CV, he knew almost all languages :-/3 -
Can you, devrant, create function, which allows us to upload our IDE theme and use it as our devrant theme.2
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5 days since my last rant. Have been busy with some work.
The important update is that I finished 2 seasons of "Halt and Catch Fire" and I loved it. Recommended to every dev for motivation and inspiration.6 -
!rant
Today I learned you can basically just copy and paste python code into a PHP script, add some brackets and change some functions and it will just work.
I guess this saves me having to rewrite this very dodgy pseudo-random number generator I have to make!1 -
One of the best things I've done to date was change my desktop and phone's fonts to roboto condensed, it looks so nice.6
-
Alright, so I've decided to move from Google Drive to MS OneDrive. I guess I was getting bored with GD interface :p2
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Today is a good day:
I managed to get a script I've been working on for around 3 months finally working, managed to remove a necessary variable, put data into a more efficient format, and am reworking the file structure
Now the problem:
Data has to be entered differently, meaning reworking the entire ui -
I'm done with all dev tasks. I don't know how am I supposed to spend next 5-6 hours :-/
Not interested in working on pet projects either.3 -
Spent the day helping my family to pack their bags. Just got home after dropping them to airport. No energy left to code. My pet projects are never gonna finish 😢
-
I am afraid I might fall asleep tonight. I got work to do. I better make some good coffee.
P.s. No coffee at home -
I'm working on a concept for an efficiency/speed focused networking project.
Any recommendations for low-level languages that support networking that can be run on both windows and Linux with relative easy?
Thanks in advance!6 -
I've found the right tools and plugins to finish this project in few hours. However, I'm continuously distracted
-
Just done with the second meeting of the day with the same client. The client decided to arrange another on Monday :-/6
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Family is out of country. Im getting 6 days off because of religious holidays. I think 6 days would be enough to jump start my new pet project. Bring it on!4
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Wondering how would I finish the website in few hours with the shoulder pain 😥 No pain killer at home.3
-
Things People Learning to Code will Understand
Part-1: https://medium.freecodecamp.com/thi...
Part-2: https://medium.freecodecamp.com/thi... -
If I was supposed to make all content changes, I should have never spent time on coding the backend UX.
-
Probably a bug @dfox
I've been providing my feedbacks through the Feedback menu. However, I'm writing this issue in here just to know if I'm alone.
-------
Issue
-------
Platform: iOS
When I clear the notifications and refresh the timeline for new rants, the notification badge shows a number. But there is no unread notification when I go to Notify. This has been occurring multiple times now.9 -
Tfw you tell the guy in charge you can't make it for the meeting that evening, and he says there is no meeting, but you're too tired to tell if he's joking or not. Fml
-
How many of you using their real names in username? I hope your clients never find your complaints in here 😷3
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My mind is so tired that I am unable to concentrate on people rants. I guess some sleep, couple of energy drinks and coffee would make me ready to work later tonight. See ya devs.
-
When I have to upload files to client's server urgently, the internet sucks. The uploading speed is going nitro while I'm uploading my data to OneDrive :-/
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What is the easiest way to convert a PHP/MYSQL app into android app?
My client needs it urgently and I'm not getting paid. So I don't intend to put much effort into it. It's just a gesture of goodwill.14 -
So I have biggest religious festival in the early morning (5 hours to go) and I am still trying to finish the project.
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Rant about devRant on devRant:
The about user section just leaves the view when you scroll down and never comes back when you scroll up! Rant! rant! Rant!!
$°$×¢°|={$=$×$}¥}}¥{$=×$¶4 -
Infinite loop definition: when you post on devRant the stickers you received from devRant and you get upvotes, so you can request more swag from devRant that you then post again on devRant.
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