5
dooter
3y

I tend to be a perfectionist, and I have a hard time coping when I feel like someone isn’t happy with work that I’ve done, or when I feel like I haven’t lived up to my own standards.

I’ve been at my current job for a little more than a year, and for the vast majority of that time, my supervisor and coworkers have seemed very pleased with me. My performance reviews so far have been completely positive. But I’m aware that over the past month or so, I’ve run up against more challenges than usual. I’ve taken on some new projects that I haven’t felt entirely confident about, there have been some organizational changes, and because this is a busy time for my department, I don’t always feel like I can easily get help when I have a question about something.

To make things worse, I struggle with anxiety, and while I’ve been working very hard to manage it, all it takes is a few bad days to put me behind on things. I really want to step up to the plate, and I’ve been worried that expressing concerns would make me look like I’m not capable or like I’m a complainer. But the truth is, I’ve been getting in over my head a bit, and I worry that it’s reflecting poorly on me. I haven’t made any terrible mistakes, but it’s taken me longer than usual to complete or follow up on tasks and I haven’t been as organized as I usually am. My supervisor hasn’t gotten upset with me, and she’s expressed understanding, but I’m worried that she has less confidence in me than she used to.

To be fair to myself, over the past couple weeks I feel like I’ve been doing a good job at catching up and getting back to my usual level of efficiency. I feel optimistic about my ability to handle things from here on out, at least for the most part. But I’m scared that a few “off” weeks will damage my reputation and workplace relationships, and that people are thinking poorly of me now. I think because I’m so hard on myself (I feel guilty whenever someone praises me, because I don’t feel like I deserve it), it’s hard for me to have an accurate perception of how things actually are.

Also, do you have any tips for addressing challenges when they come up? I struggle with asking for help or clarification sometimes because I don’t want to come across like I need my hand held. And do you have any suggestions for how to deal with it when things just aren’t going smoothly? I know that in the workplace, what matters is results. The fact that I might be having a bad day due to anxiety or a late night with a sick pet isn’t an excuse. But while I think I’m generally good at managing stress and anxiety and that bad days are uncommon, I can’t guarantee that I won’t ever go through a tough time and that that won’t impact my focus at all.

Comments
  • 0
    I'm sure others will have different takes on this, but from my experience (head of development for an agency, where most of the devs are junior to mid), communication is the most important thing. Since I work for an agency, everything we do has deadlines/timescales, but if that's not relevant to you then feel free to discard some of my points.

    Everyone can have bad day/weeks/etc, any any good supervisor or manager will be okay with that (and from what you've said, your supervisor sounds like one of the good ones 🙂). The most important thing though is that you communicate that to your supervisor - no need to go into the exact details of what's going on, since that's your personal life, but just letting them know that things are taking a bit longer because you're not at your peak will be appreciated by them. Just something like "hey, my head's in a bit of a mush today so I haven't gone as quickly as I thought I would, can I have an extra hour tomorrow to finish it off please?".

    TBC
  • 0
    Then your supervisor can shift around deadlines, expectations, etc as necessary (assuming you told them more than 5m before the deadline), which is actually usually fine. From experience, clients don't mind delays anywhere near as much if they're told of them in advance...and not-angry client == not-angry supervisors 🙂

    TBC
  • 0
    In terms of your reputation being damaged, I honestly wouldn't worry - yes, colleagues might end up with a lower opinion of you if you churn out bad code for years, but if you're just a bit slow every now and again then most people are likely to forget about it pretty quickly, and even if they do remember then they're unlikely to hold it against you.

    For reference, the only time I actually remember a colleague being slow was when they told me that they'd need an additional 5 weeks...on deadline day...for a 2 week piece of work 😂

    TBC
  • 0
    RE addressing challenges as they come up, my personal expectation of how devs should handle this is that they should spend a bit of time (15-30m, maybe more, depends on how much luck they're having) searching around for solutions, trawling Stackoverflow, etc

    If they haven't found anything at that point, then they should reach out for help. I'd rather they asked for pointers rather than copy-and-paste solutions, since they're more likely to learn that way, but if even the pointers aren't helping then I guess it's okay.

    I will actually tell off developers who get stuck and don't reach out - it's bad for developers' mental health, since they'll stress themselves out about not being able to find a solution, spending loads of time on it and therefore missing deadlines, etc, and it's also bad for the project since things will be delayed.

    TBC
  • 0
    If you seem to be running into a lot of issues, then obviously you don't want to spam your colleagues with requests for help - this might be an indicator that some parts of the project/specification/etc haven't been properly explained to you, and that's why you keep getting stuck

    If you do have a bunch of questions that all need to be asked though, try to send them whenever the colleague(s) you're sending them to have a natural break from work (e.g. Lunch, meetings, etc), so that you don't interrupt their flow too much - it's not always possible, but it is appreciated by other devs 🙂

    But yeah, always better to reach out for help than to work yourself into a tizzy - nobody benefits from that, least of all you

    TBC
  • 0
    As a final note, if you have to provide time estimates/deadlines/etc, then give yourself some buffer time, just in case you don't progress as fast as you think you should

    Worst case scenario is that you go at your full efficiency and finish early...and I doubt many people will be complaining about that 😂

    But yeah, hopefully something in all of these messages is of use to you - I feel like I rambled a bit haha

    Also, devRant needs support for longer replies lol
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