10
missdev
3y

I am really stressed rn. I have terrible Imposter's Syndrome coupled with this being my 2nd year as a professional (bootcamp grad) and an extreme lack of insight and support from my company. WFH has only exacerbated it. Im on a 2-ish person team handling some ancient legacy code with no one ever willing to just throw me a fucking bone. My supe is actually on my team and makes up the "ish" part and has always told me to ask questions but when I do he gets pissed and reminds me of all the people who are working and super busy and dont have time to stop what they're doing and help me. Its my first job in tech and I just need to know if this is a consistent thing across the board bc im ready to fucking jump ship. My anxiety levels are through the roof and when I go over our backlog I look at every card and ask myself how tf Im going to grt it done bc Ive never seen any of it before. Initially I thought i landed a great workplace with complete autonomy but now I just dont know. My other teammate has a habit of being condescending, whether he realizes it or not and therefore I just feel like im out here alone trying to figure all this shit out. This sprung from a card ive been working on for 2+ months but cant resolve, finally I just came to the conclusion it was above what im currently capable of and he told me he's "disappointed Im just throwing in the towel" even though ive asked for help from senior devs. Idk what to do, he even told me there'd be cards I may hit a wall on when I first started but this just feels shitty. Ive had other things going on to including surviving a fucking hurricane, having a friend murdered, and having my dad die all within a few weeks time. I am absolutely stretched to my emotional limit, but I dont know if Im overreacting. Anyway, I just needed to vent to people who could understand, thanks for reading.

Comments
  • 4
    Sounds like a shit company that is lacking structure and proper training. I would look for something else, if you can and want to.

    I worked for a soul sucking place that did the same shit and it sucks all the life + humanity out of you. I’ve been with a new company for 2 years that has decent training and actually gives a shit about people & pay - it’s night and day.

    Hugs! 💜
  • 1
    @CodingPrincess thank you so much for that response. I started working right ad the pandemic hit and they basically gave me a laptop and told me to get to it...no training, no direction, no mentors. I just took it as "this must be standard?" But it honestly has just felt like ive been grasping at straws a year and a half now:( i have some savings so I could take some time off but honestly I think Im ready to move on
  • 3
    Your company owns your productivity limitations. If you don’t know something or aren’t supported it isn’t on you. It sounds like you are internalizing that knowledge gap because you are looking at the skill gap as your fault not theirs.

    If you get frustrated by failing at a task repeatedly and there is no support to help. Work at the place for one year for the resume then go find a better job.

    I joined a team that made me work on legacy asp.net web forms on a poorly documented library. The code couldn’t be compiled before deploy so each failure took forever. The deploy involved copying files manually over Remote Desktop. I lasted l for three months then I quit. I don’t have the patience for that BS anymore.
  • 2
    I’m sorry for all you have going on, and especially what happened in your personal life. I hope you are able to create some separation from this shitty work environment to process it. Remember first and foremost to take care of yourself. Nobody else will know what you need like you. I’m feeling a bit the same right now. I’m a recent bootcamp grad contracting for experience (and beer money) at a startup. Things felt less stressful when I started. Since then I’ve multitasked in personal projects, and started the Leet code grind for the eventual switch to full time work. I’m damn stressed. I’m working on an image stabilization feature in unity and I find myself thinking I have no idea what the hell I’m doing. The amount of things to learn is overwhelming. In the beginning I was eager to learn and apply the basics. And communicate expectations even if I can’t deliver on time so I’m not rushing shit. Rushing decreases the learning. Rooting for us!
  • 0
    @rutee07 going to write a bot that will notify me whenever imposter bullshit is mentioned. What language do I need to learn?
  • 1
    You are not overreacting at all. You deserve a better workplace (and some time for recovering).

    I have a few years of experience and I still have insecurities.
    I changed jobs recently and faced a similar situation where I'm basically working with just one other guy who's way too senior than me. It was a big change for me and I got big tasks dumped on me early on.
    It wouldn't have been a problem but the managers and teammates have poor communication & people skills. The senior guy gets condescending over trivial stuff despite not being so great himself (I've corrected him more than a few times).
    Due to the toxicity and drama, I'm leaving.

    Like @ostream said "you are not supposed to be able to guess how things work..."

    At the start of your career it's important that you are able to build on your skills as well as confidence. If you are not able to do that, I would suggest finding a different place with a better environment. On a related note, I hope you are taking regular breaks.
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