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!dev

My toxic father. Seriously man. It's my 4th day of learning to drive with an instructor. He sits besides and never knew how to drive. I think I am driving good wrt to being very new in it. He thinks just because I slow myself down on the road and cannot take a turn properly, let me say it again, on the 4th day of driving a manual car, he thinks I can never drive. What a fucking douchebag. What a fucking coward, impatient human says that. I am in rage because now I'm like 27, but in my childhood he was at his worst behaviour. That's why I was always scared of doing complex things, I stick with easy because I will make no mistakes. He has fucking no right in being proud of me. He's so fucking bad, I hate him. But more than hating him I want to find a way not to give a fuck about his fucking small discouraging shameful opinions. Fucker cannot do anything by himself. He's the most messed up fucking person I have ever seen. And oh god I fucking resent this guy.
I should start calling him a fucking retard that way I can devalue him as a person. I could never thought that I will think about a person like this but this retard left me no choice.
The thing is even a person is a retard I will try to understand them so give me a good word that just devalues a person instantly.

Comments
  • 2
    He's sitting beside you on the driving lessons? Have you tried telling him to get out now?
  • 3
    @nibor That's not possible, actually my state is quite unsafe for females so my family can't send me in car with only the instructor.
  • 3
    I feel you. My father died a couple of years ago and, let me tell you, it was one of the best things that happened to me. I still have nightmares about him, I still work through all that bullshit on therapy,, but it is getting better. One way or another, as soon as it's physically possible, it's good to move away as far as it gets.
  • 3
    @msdsk Yeah hopefully in coming months my company will open and I can go to another city.
  • 3
    @msdsk I have heard this before also, a narcissistic father dies and people are relieved. Your life gets better when someone who is constantly suppressing you mentally disappears.
  • 1
    @true-dev001 you sound like my past self. Exactly me when I was 27.
  • 1
    @Floydimus What did you do then?
  • 0
    @true-dev001 damn! The notifs are broken again.

    I had no option of anything than to take the driving seat and improve.

    Tons and tons of efforts. Lots of failures on the way for sure but absolutely worth it.

    Improved my competency in whatever I did. Focused on self awareness. That's a big thing that could impact your well being.
  • 1
    @Floydimus Yes, be responsible for your own thing. While driving today I tried cheering myself up by saying good things to myself but it just reminded me that something is wrong and I felt a hint of nervousness then I recalled why an I learning. And I felt good again :) Eased up and all upto learn.

    Also, I just stopped myself repeating anything my father said, in my head.

    Realised today, my instructor is kind of a douche too.
  • 1
    @true-dev001 lmao 99% of the world is douche. There is so much you can do.

    As long as something works for you, keep iterating.
  • 1
    @Floydimus yup, focusing on your long term goals have working multiple times for me.
  • 0
    @true-dev001 Can't you get a friend to join you? Also in what kind of country is it a risk to be left alone with a contractor whose identity is known?
  • 1
    @true-dev001 Ah, I see. Still, can't you get a friend to do it?
  • 0
    @lbfalvy I came to my hometown, I have no friends here. Even if I have, they are not good enough to join me for early morning rides. I am left with no choice actually.
    for 2 days, driving is going good, so my father didn't say anything and I have made myself resilient enough that I am not letting myself impose his weakness on me. It's similar to be your own father.
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