3
dejachu
117d

#Breakup #GettingOverEx
So my ex broke up with me/ we decided to "go on a break" three months back. It didn't help that my ex is part of my close friend group and I'm obliged to run into them every other weekend.
None of my close friend group knows what transpired/that we dated.
They started dating someone new as soon as we went on a break.

As a part of new year, I decided to mentally move on. Now my ex is trying to reinsert themselves in my life (unsure in what capacity- as a friend/reltnshp).Today, I woke up dreaming about my ex and their new flame and feeling pretty disturbed. I don't know their status quo either as I haven't talked to my ex about it. (Just know it as friend group mentions them here and there)

I had initiated communication with my ex as I needed an advise (on phone) and they kind of self invited themselves to my place on weekend. How to cope with all this mess. I am unable to focus on my work because of this and my productivity is shot.

I just want to move on and date someone who makes me happy/is worth my energy.

How do y'all process breakups/get over ex?

Comments
  • 5
    Get them out of your life. Period.

    There's some red flags I'm seeing that may lead to manipulation. It's in human nature to manipulate to get what you want, so they may not even realize that they're doing it.

    Maybe in a year or two you can be friends again. Think of it like neural pathways. Your brain is wired to feel a certain way for that person. When you see them you want to act a certain way with them.

    If you neglect those pathways, they will die.

    Until then, you just won't move on easily.
  • 3
    If you still have feelings, be open and talk about it

    Else, move on. There is no time to think about all of this
  • 5
    Them? How many exes you have?

    And also, nobody goes break, one has another oportunity that wants to try in that “break”
  • 0
    @aviophile one only that I am talking about in above post
  • 0
    @asgs who do I talk with it I still have feelings? Also I don't think I still have feelings/I'm able to suppress them,
    but it becomes difficult on interacting with them again and they come out of nowhere to whack me on my head
  • 4
    in my experience time heals all. It will just take some time and several sleeps to get over someone.

    you should also try being open about how confusing their self insertion is to you, and that you'd want some space. intelligent communication is one of those things that separate us from animals, though I understand that it's hard to be open about feelings like this so that's up to you, though I'd recommend it.

    + you should stop thinking about that person and just make a proper "you" day. Set aside some time to really just get that out of your head, hit some stores, meet with some old friend over coffee/tea, game some, read books, take a long bath... whatever does it for you. just distance your mind from the entire thing and you'll have a fresh view on things in the morning.

    you could also start dating again if you're not yet (not sure from the rant), if you're ready that is.
  • 2
    To distract yourself get a hobby. Something that is engaging. There is a void in your life now. Be careful what you fill it with.
  • 1
    @Demolishun you’re saying crack cocaine is not the answer?
  • 2
    Joking aside, we all deal with these things very differently, and it’s not only personal but situationally contextual: what worked after one relationship may not work after the next. But hell, I’ve been in that exact same situation before. Back then, I was much younger tho, and didn’t have the maturity to deal with it very well. In retrospect you have to ask yourself what you want and be brutally honest with yourself. If you want them back in your life, see the cards but be aware that you might get hurt bad. Otherwise, you just need to tell them straight up that you’re over for good.

    Now that I’m mature I know that communication is key: it is possible to have an intelligent adult and open conversation about the situation, your wants and needs and so on, though as a prerequisite you both need to be open for it. A proper talk really only works if both are invested in it.
  • 1
    Also, time may not neccessarily heal as fast as one would hope. I don’t mean to discourage you, but depending on how invested you were on the relationship and just… stuff (I haven’t really been able to figure out exact reasons), it may take up to decades to get over someone to a point where you’re ”healed”. This comes from experience. On the other hand, it may be a matter of a few good night’s sleeps…
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