AboutJack of all trades, master of none
Skillsnode.js, python, ruby, php, c, asm, typescript, react, vue, angular, terraform, sql, docker, linux, bash, adobe cs
Joined devRant on 12/1/2018
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I cannot even function right now with how angry I am. If you're a python developer, don't take offence to this unless it describes you.
All the python devs I have ever met so far are pompous arrogant cucks that can't even get out of their own way to save themselves. They make EVERYTHING so fucking complicated and complex that the whole point to a project becomes moot.
Instead of understanding HOW a thing works, their answer is ALWAYS rewrite it how THEY want it to work.
They have what we used to call "little-man" syndrome. They're so concerned that they aren't perceived as intelligent that they overcompensate by making the wildest and most fucked up changes to a project I have EVER seen.
They have gone so far as to break the original functional components of a project just to meet THEIR definition of a healthy python project.
I don't hate the language, but GOD DAMN I HATE THE DEVS.
If this describes you, fuck you. Seriously, just fuck off into whatever python hole you crawled out of and stay there.7
Simple 1 day task. This idiot takes two weeks and after 7 days of hounding finally opens a pull request.
I go in to review the code. Should be a simple 10-15 line patch.
13,000 lines of code changed.
"I fixed a bunch of formatting mistakes and replaced all instances of single quotes to double. Consistency is important you know."22
What in the actual fuck GitHub?!
Why can't I edit a file direct on the web UI? I was able to this morning! If I can't edit against master then why the fuck is the icon there?!
Also, why did you add the unnecessary step of "add tag" when I am fucking CLEARLY adding a new fucking tag.8
Thanks GitHub, it's not like I didn't have shit I had to do today.
Guess I'll just sit back and wait for the heat dome to kill me.5
Just going to come out and say it.
If you wait until 4pm on a Friday to hit me up to fix your problems, you're a fucking gangrene twat.
I won't be taking care of your shit until Tuesday you dumb bitch.4
As a Ruby dev I know I've been spoiled. It's so fucking easy to natively manipulate data in a Ruby app.
But seriously...come the fuck on Python...
You mean to tell me that I have to script out the entire logic to dedup an array?! Something that's an inherent part of EVERY project?
Sorry for the rant, but I just cannot fathom why ANYONE would use Python to write a full application. It's great at scripting, but a shit-stain-to-maintain for true app development.
I want to drop-kick the asshole who decided to write this fucker of an app in Python.
Also, fuck Python for taking ~20 years to add a fucking switch statement.21
Fuck you and your shitty updates Microsoft.
I never asked for a fucking weather app on my taskbar.
Why the actual fuck would I EVER need that shit? I have that on my phone already, same for my news, and literally everything else you try to molest me with.
Want to know why Linux is growing market share? It's because it's an OS first and not some husk that shoves content at you and screams "CONSUME ME!"
FUCK YOUR SHITTY UPDATES, AND FUCK YOUR PLATFORM OF PETTY METRIC BULLSHIT.30
First, I want to say don't look this company up if you've never heard of them. I really don't want to be a reason to drive more traffic to this company, because I really don't trust them.
So someone gifted me some coffee called Javy Microdose Coffee.
The reviews online are obvious plants and there was a hard social media promo going on for the last few months, so I'm already not interested in even trying it.
The packaging and colors scare the shit out of me, and the bottle itself doesn't seem to have a break seal on it. Besides that the bottle itself reminds me of the bottles of poison that were around when I was a kid.
My questions; has anyone on here ever consumed this terrifying bottle of liquid? Is it worth it?
Fuck uninspired jr devs that are simply collecting a pay check.
I have been handed a project that a jr dev was allowed to wallow on for over two fucking years. This lazy mother fucker managed to create 5 functions, a whole fucking mess of bullshit that I now have to straighten out on top of the 8 other things that I have to deliver on in the next month.
They never followed requirements. Not-a-one. The API is fully broken. The DB schema is BEYOND fucked. There's ZERO validation/sanitation on I/O. The deployments only work half the fucking time. Their code is so spaghetti I'm getting triggered from when I worked at Olive Garden with Eminem. But hey, at least they were able to demo it to the client to say "it works".
I don't condone violence, but every time I find malformed if statements, linter exceptions, broken deploy configurations in this project -- I just want to kick them in their stupid fucking face.
Wherever you ended up you piece of shit, I hope your dreams of becoming a rich asshole only bring you unending despair. I believe you can make it though, because you're already halfway there.5
I would give myself so much shit for this.
Sales cloud architect, if I needed the money.
I give sales so much shit, like you've got no idea how much shit. I almost lost my job because I called the sales team at my job "soulless husks of meat and sin".
It's not an easy job but damn I was really fucking good at it.
If money was no problem, I would probably become a restoration artist.
I love to restore old homes, furniture, tvs, radios, etc.
In the before times of 2019, one of the guys in the office had this habit of sucking his teeth after lunch.
I can hardly describe it. Imagine making kissy sounds but with your tongue and teeth. Did this almost every day from 1-2.
Probably happened every 1-2 minutes. So just long enough to get back into the swing and boom *thick*.
I just invested in some really nice headphones eventually.2
I updated a date field on a table with about 4 million records in it.
Only meant to update about 1000 of them.
This field is used to generate QBRs. So the executive level would notice first.
But then.... They didn't. Nobody noticed. Not for almost a year.
Then someone asked about it and I told them what happened, and they never brought it up again.
I've been having a tough time at work recently. I've been struggling with what I have become and what I want to do.
My voice used to carry quite a bit of weight, but as of late I'm no longer being kept in the loop of changes that are happening to my product.
Realizing that I'm slowing being phased out was like a punch to the scrotum. It has made me depressingly aware of the time I have wasted on this company.
All while I was wallowing in my own self-pity, as if on command, Youtube spit this gem out to me. It made me realize that I'm still that bright eyed eager developer just a bit older and a bit wiser. It reminded me of something that I thought I lost, but what I've always had.
What we do is an art, it takes years of dedication and study to hone our skills. Don't let the bastards get you down, and just like Bowie said -- Never play to the gallery.
You got this.
Dear Product Owners,
If you tell me how I need to architect my software again I'm going to ask you to provide a network topology of the architecture you want me to build.
I'll also need you to request the new servers, work with the ops teams to setup credentials, provision the NAT, register the domains and document the routes that the proxy will need to use.
then I'll need you to hook the repo up to our non-existent pipeline so that I can make sure I won't do all that testing I already can't do.
I hope you're paying attention, because that framework you told me I needed to use is going to be a pain to setup correctly.
after you're done with that, please attach any documentation you shit out to the ticket you never created.
Looking for a new job
PS: get fucked4
anyone care to share their opinion on using angular over vue?
I'm going to have a project come up soon that's driven heavily by multiple api backend services and I'm leaning heavily towards vue due to the extensibility and the small learning curve.12
Why in the fuck does everyone expose specific ports in Dockerfiles?
If I wanted to expose the port, I would fucking expose it.
Currently can't run my home infra platform because I'm running two separate instances of Maria DB on the same private internal network. These are two databases for two separate applications.
Why don't I run them on one? Because they're two separate fucking applications.
Why the fuck can I not do this when I used to be able to do it a week ago.
Stop exposing your fucking ports in your fucking Dockerfiles.
This shit is getting so bad, I'm just about to throw my towel in on all fucking containers and just install everything in multiple VM environments.
I am God damn appalled that after 8 years of using docker, core concepts like a port exposure is being leveraged as a way to somehow circumvent poor security practices.
You want a secure container environment? Expose your own goddamn ports.
Fuck you Maria DB, and fuck you docker.2
I help maintain software that services thousands of users across millions of dollars of infrastructure.
My resolve is stronger than steel during a production outage.
Plex goes down for 1 minute at home and my toddler loses it, and I'm a fucking wreck.
Wtf is wrong with me?!6
Yet another tool to "empower" management into thinking they are able to do in days what takes engineers years to accomplish.
All this is going to do is create technical debt for developers to consume when management is promoted for a "job well done".
I hate that I have to be careful of what I say about specific languages so that I don't hurt peoples feelings. If you get upset because someone called Java or PHP ugly, get over it.
All languages are shit. If you have a favorite, good for you. IMO you only limit yourself if you think that .Net is always the answer, or if you think that every project needs to be in a JVM.
We often forget to ask why a language exists before we start to use it. No sane person is going to use Java to develop a quick one time script. Same can be said for all languages.
So when someone tells you, "Python sucks" they probably mean, "Python sucks for this use case". Except for Perl.
I work for "a" company. This company has completely broken my desire to improve user experiences.
For instance, they have fetishized reducing the amount of clicks users have to go through to improve user productivity. Normally this is good, in their grossly mutated views, not so much.
They want ALL the data on a single page, and want people to use ctrl+f to find whatever they want on these pages instead of, ya know, a site-wide search(which fucking exists).
So this makes page times and UX horrible, some pages will take upwards of 2 minutes to completely load. 2 fucking minutes! My team and I had reduced these down to 15 seconds by reducing the data displayed and paginating it using some awesome JS lazy load functions. Not great by any real metric, but still a huge improvement.
You know who uses it out of 400 employees? Me. You know who still constantly gets complaints that the pages load really fuckin slowly? Still me!
Fuck these dumb asses and their retarded ideologies. They are stuck so far up 1990s ass they can practically TASTE Clintons' taint.
The culture is so toxic for developers it's absolutely abhorrent and depressing.
There is no freedom to do what you need to do because you're too busy doing the things they ask you to do. Follow that up with quarterly performance reports that bring up questions like, "What do you do for us?".
The only positive to working in this shithole is that they wouldn't dare fire you because they would never find anyone that would stay long enough to become an expert on this pile of shit. Over the last year we have gone through an entire 16 dev team, twice. That's 36 developers that just straight up quit in 12 months, and it's not like any of them worked together either. I would say 3-4 out of the first group met the second group, and 1-2 stuck around for the current group.
I don't normally rant like this, but I've been holding this shit in for a very long time and I can't hold it in.3