AboutAutodidact, full-stack developer, caffeine junkie, pseudo-hacker, language nerd, misanthropic altruist, poet of perversity, semi-inarticulate polyglot, and devRant's angriest user.
SkillsNever fear. If fear thou hast in thy heart, O brother, pray banish it forthwith.
Joined devRant on 8/14/2016
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All the fucking stuff you have to do before starting your well-earned vacation.
I you didn't tell everybody what the fuck to do, you'd get called by your dumbest client standing headfirst in a telephone booth with their cock on the loose after just one day, because the instructions on how to do what you normally do were unclear.
Why are most people so fucking stupid? I mean, I'm already a fucking idiot, and I'm still amazed how stupid most people act most of the time.
Yeah. That's why I leave detailed instructions for everybody, lest they hang themselves with their old ass phone cord while trying to call you just to ask whether the bright rectangle should be switched on or off in order for them to read their fucking emails.
But who the fuck am I kidding? Memo to self: don't send instructions per mail.3
It's weird, when all of a sudden some random comment you wrote months ago gets upvoted multiple times a day for no apparent reason.13
Fuck MySQL in particular!
Fuck idiots who barge in when they don't know what they're talking about!
Fuck whiny, entitled cunts!
Fuck drama queens!
Fuck people in general!
*see a rant/comment/blog post/forum post were somebody seriously asks for help with something that's known to be unintuitive*
*barge in, make dumb fucking comments that have nothing to with the topic or ask even dumber questions*
Fuck you, go eat shit, then die.18
I fucking hate MySQL and MariaDB!
Why the cunting sideways buzzsaw horsefuck doesn't the fucking, shit-stained, arse-licking password work WHEN I JUST FUCKING SET IT?
I'm pretty fucking sure I entered the same fucking password, because I fucking COPIED it. FUCKING HELL!
Every motherwhoring time I have to set this faulty, buggy, fucked up piece of shit database up, it get the same fucking problems, and there is never a logical reason for it. I can't be the only one who has these problems, every goddamn time! Who actually uses this piece of shit unless they absolutely fucking have to?
I've just read you can install and use Xcode on Windows. I don't have a Mac, don't plan on ever getting one, but I am experimenting with Flutter and Dart a lot, lately, so being able to build iOS apps without stuffing my hard-earned money into Apples greedy face would be fucking swell.
Does anybody have experience with using Xcode via Windows? Does it work well? Any big ass caveats?17
I fucking love keexpassxc.
It's perfect for keeping all the passwords and credentials to mine and my clients' servers and accounts.
It's not exactly an insider tip, but it's amazing software: simple, secure and useful.
(By the way, keepassxc is not a typo, it's a community version of keepassx, which is a linux port of keepass, in case you know it under these names).58
"Ref: Clark from InVision"
"Clark" can suck my throbbing, veiny cock while I hit the three-wheel motion on him.
Why the fuck can't you stinking, filthy, lying cunts just put a subject line up that is actually related to what this email is really about? I tell you why, because it's nothing else than a crappy ad in mail form.
Put "spam and eggs", "eggs and spam", "eggs with ham and spam" there I don't give a fuck, but spare me the fucking pseudo-intimacy by putting names of fucking people there I neither know or care about nor ever would, because they're most likely not even real. And if that actually works for other people, they are a bunch of fucking idiots altogether.
InVision is a buggy, ugly, expensive, annoying, confusing, mess, and should be renamed to ImpairedVision, anyway, so stick your thick heads back up your haemorrhoid-laden asses, where they belong, stop spamming me and then fucking piss off!7
I've lost at least a hundred upvotes again. Wouldn't even have noticed, if I hadn't looked at it yesterday(?) when I saw that @Alice had cracked the 65k and then thought to myself 'cool, I'm almost at 97k myself, wow, so fast.'.
Must have been the crazy Australian again ;)16
Great. I'm on vacation starting in less than two weeks and a bunch of devs I gotta work with just now mentioned they'll be on a conference practically all through next week, so all the shit that needs to happen in communication with them practically needs to happen now.
I preventively told them I won't have my laptop with me, so I'll not be pestered by them during my vacation. Or at least I'll have a very good excuse for ignoring them, in case they try.
This pisses me off far more then it should, because it keeps me from getting other pressing tasks done in time.
One thing the Deutsche Bahn could surely save fucking assloads of money with would be to replace all "this train won't be on schedule on … and … until …" signs with the same sign that just says: "We are fucking incompetent cunts and everything will be late or not happen at all, as always".
Sure that sign would be stating the obvious, but at least I'd agree with those fucking cock knockers for once.
Fuck you, Deutsche Bahn! Suck my big, fat, throbbing, veiny cock, you worthless pieces of shit!19
Ads are nothing else than manipulation. When you don't even care anymore about being manipulated and abused as a mere receiver for manipulative shit, you might as well just sell your delicate ass at the next train station bathroom until it's not so delicate anymore, because if your mind is not fully yours anymore, why not share your body too?
No matter who you are, if you just take the mental abuse that are ads, even though there are alternatives, you are:
1. helping and perpetuating this already exaggerated trend of manipulation
2. begging for more abuse
3. a worthless piece of shit
That's my opinion about you. Let's see whether it pisses you off more than being used as a mindless, spineless consuming meat-bag, because that would additionally make you a hypocrite.55
You might want to look up the definition of "conclusion", then hang yourself with your thinnest, sturdiest belt. The latter is optional, but would be very much appreciated.8
No. I don't start new WordPress projects again. Never. Fuck WordPress and fuck you.
Ask me once again, and, I swear by your mom's grimy, low-hanging balls, I will fucking end you.29
Anybody here using Firebase who could give me some pros and cons?
I've been asked by a client to build a PWA for him for his clients to manage some of their settings and preferences by themselves. The thing is, he wants me to use Firebase for basic auth, but I'm not familiar with it (yet), let alone know whether Firebase is suited for this task at all, and I'm generally uncomfortable with using Google services, because … well it's Google, and because their API and API documentations belong to the worst, most inconsistent and outdated crap I know.
Any useful input is much appreciated. OS alternative services even more.24
"Yes, put your lips around that exhaust pipe. Put them tightly around it and … yes, now wait a few seconds, I'll start the engine. Right, now inhale. That's right, take a very deep breath."
That's the only dialogue you should have with recruiters. That or asking them to give you a nice, bright fake smile, just the way they're used to, right before the blunt side of your baseball bat sprinkles their carefully bleached teeth all over the floor, broken at the root.
Fuck those lying, spamming annoying cunts. Fuck them up their asses with a rusty, splintered pipe, then kick it inside their intestines.18
People who just mention the fucking delivery service when writing product reviews should be shot in the head right on the spot, just in order to keep the human gene pool a little bit cleaner.
English is the lingua franca of the web. My homepage is in English too. Why the fuck do you send me a two page long request in fucking Spanish then? I get that you may not be a able to speak English or German, and that's perfectly fucking fine, but you could at least have done one the following:
1. Add an excuse for sending me a big ass Spanish text as a support request, so I at least know you give a shit about me understanding you.
2. Have somebody translate that Text to English or at least push it through a translator and have somebody correct it enough so I can read and understand what the shit you want from me.
3. Send a really small text in basic Spanish first, in order to ask me whether Spanish or 'Spanglish' is alright with me.
4. Fuck off and send your support request to somebody else who actually speaks Spanish as opposed to me who took 15 or 20 minutes to read and understand your fucking text.
Yes, I did read your message. Yes I'm sure I understood most of it fine. Yes, I'm sure your message isn't just spam. I even like Spanish, how it's written and spoken, the sound of it, etc, and I would even welcome an opportunity like this to learn it, BUT:
If you don't give a shit about proper communication, why the fucking hell should I? It's the sheer arrogance and ignorance to my preferred business language (English) and native tongue (German) that turns me off here.
Piss off. Maybe come back when you've learned some basic communication skills. Use one of the methods above to approach me and I'll even make an effort to speak my broken Spanish with you.38
What's with all these fucking Medium bloggers putting those fucking large ass banner images at the top of their stinking posts? This is really pissing me off to no fucking end.
Put the image somewhere reasonable or leave them the fuck out of your posts, you fucking brain damaged numbskulls!
Having to scroll down for half a fucking hour in order to find the actual title and beginning of the post and then having to scroll all the way up again, because you forgot to check the fucking post date is even more annoying than realizing you've just stepped into a steaming pile of dog shit with one foot, after you've scraped some extra sticky chewing gum from your shoe on the other one.
If you are indeed too stupid to get that done before I come over and feed your mom with your microwaved head in sauce béarnaise with a generous side of my snot, while holding a gun to her fat ugly excuse for a face, at least cut the fucking image to a reasonable height, for motherwhore's sake.
And another thing: why the swirling sideways fuck aren't the stupid ass images even remotely related to the goddamn post topic in most cases?
You useless bunch of fucking dimwits!9
Go catch AIDS while sucking badly shaved, sweaty balls at your favourite train station glory hole, "Konstantine".14
Only animal love is unconditional. Humans, however, are fucking lying, deceiving skin sacks full of shit.46
Software development is like getting invited to a nice dinner party, but when you arrive there you cannot leave anymore, and have to eat your fucking poisoned dinner dancing on a mine field naked while an alligator snaps after your private parts and somebody shoots at your feet, until you consider jumping on a mine directly so the shit show is finally over.25
I know. That's how 95% of the fucking web works.
If I have to click 'okay' on one more of these fucking useless, time wasting pop-ups, I'm going to get a blowtorch, zip ties, a rusty scalpel and a chair to strap you onto, so we can play a nice little game of how much pain can you take, until you fucking pass out.
Go fuck yourself with a stick of frozen vomit, you fucking annoying cunts!37
I've got a bunch of questions about my current topic of interest, Docker, to my fellow web/full-stack developers here on devRant, because I'm curious:
1. Do you have specific workflows for working with Docker and particular language/web framework/frontend combinations, for example, you mostly work with e.g. Ruby on Rails, or Node.js, Phoenix, Flask, … + Docker?
2. Do you use basic images or repo for new projects or do you start each new project from square one?
3. Are there specific things that annoy you while working on already dockerized projects or while setting up web projects with Docker?
4. How do you implement frontend matters?
5. What frameworks do you usually use for web projects like generic small to medium websites?
6. Do they work well with Docker and do you use Docker with them too or do you think its too tedious (in general or because of the language/framework itself?
I appreciate every answer, also to individual questions.38
"Influencer" is equally the dumbest fucking neologism and the most annoying euphemism for 'useless, brainless, consumer arsehole' in this our so-called modern world.
Whoever thought of that idiotic term should be tied up and poked with sharpened sticks until he bleeds to death through a thousand holes.
That dumb term was probably coined by some lying ass marketing cunt anyway, so the 'loss' of their ability to invent stupid terms would be equivalent to picking lice from their mom's unwashed ballsack.31
Why the fuck is Dropbox still alive?
What pisses me the high holy fuck off about this crap software:
1. It's essentially malware. It really is, because it doesn't even respect the fucking autostart settings, on Linux at least (Ubuntu/Mint) either that or something is severely counter intuitive about this disgusting cunting shit software
2. The fucking tray icon under Ubuntu/Linux Mint has been missing for me since at least 2015, and every motherwhoring time I have to install this fucking abomination, I have yet again to apply some dirty hacks to make the fucking tray icon show up. What the flying nosepicking arse fuck are the so-called developers at Dropbox doing? It ain't fixing bugs or working, that's as sure as that their mom's aren't proud of them.
3. Security and privacy. I shouldn't even have to say anything about this, but Dropbox has always been awful at both.
And no, before you ask, I HAVE to use fucking Dropbox for a specific client of mine, and no I CANNOT get around it, and yes, I DO know alternatives, because at this point even a non-secure public FTP connection would be safer and less annoying to use than FUCKING Dropbox. And you know what?
AT LEAST THE GODDAMN TRAY ICON WOULD FUCKING WORK!34
Fucking shit, I'm even more pissed off as usual today. Good thing this is a holiday and not a normal work day. Fuck people and fuck this cunting shit world.7
I just lost another long ass rant because devRant keeps fucking crashing all the motherfucking time.
I fucking hate how unreliable and brittle DigitalOcean is. How the fuck is my homepage down AGAIN? It's just a simple Node.js one-pager with Nginx as a proxy, so why the fuck is it down again, fucking tell me? There are no memory leaks, there is enough space, enough RAM, not many visitors at all, because there is nothing much to see anyway, and it definitely didn't fuck itself out of thin air.
It's the third time this year, always after a so-called maintenance.
You know what, DO? Suck my hairy arse then go fuck yourself, I'm gonna push all my current sites to Vultr, they have better server hardware and not as much of a bullshit policy and never has any of my sites hosted on their servers mysteriously gone down within the last two years – as it shouldn't.
I hope you cunts go bankrupt soon. Eat shit, DO. Eat peanuts out of my shit with fucking chop sticks.61