AboutJust the ++ fairy of devRant. Real life skills: Getting myself into complicated stuff. Losing friends. Languages: Georgian(native), Russian, German, English(chronologically). Have a nice day!
LocationSomewhere near a lake called a sea...
Joined devRant on 2/24/2017
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I haven't posted anything in a long time. Let me change that. I'm doing normal. Just busy. University and all. Seems like stuff is going to get a bit interesting. I can't say anything beyond that.
I hope everyone's alright.21
So, I have a quiz in Food Biochemistry(a subject I hate to death), and I think I am ready to go to the exam room, when suddenly...
BAM! I remember I forgot to bring my ID, which HAS to be on the computer desk when writing any exams in that room.
I hurry back to the car, drive like a madwoman at times, get the ID and come back.
Run as quickly as possible with aching muscles and go into the exam room.
ONLY TO BE TOLD I CANNOT WRITE THE EXAM BECAUSE I AM TOO LATE. I say I don't care, I have to write it. Then notice my place is taken by someone else. I get out and my anger gets to the point I want to throw the person out the window.
Go to the cafeteria to freaking calm down. Instead, I get people telling me I am being unreasonable for being angry.
I WAS JUST SECONDS OVER THE ALLOWED TIME!!!
Now I have to see the dean with basically no likelihood of being allowed to write the damn thing again.14
This is the expected Binary ++ post from me :P
So, today I go to devRant and see 1's and 0's as my ++'s. I assume it might be a bug, but nope. Turns out it's one of the neat ways of meeting April Fools :)
Thanks to whoever had the idea. It genuinely made me smile.6
The times when we coded in C# on weekends at the university and it was a 4-hour nonstop process. I LOVED it. That was one of the only times I've felt in control or competent in anything.11
The question goes straight to @linuxxx.
How secure is Viber? After an update recently, each conversation one starts says it's end to end encrypted.
How true is that?41
This goes to @fun2code and @jalebiBhai...
If you wonder why I'm not online on Discord is that I got kind of deadlocked.
I couldn't disable the 2-Factor Authentication before they took the phone away from me and because I've not turned it on for such a long time, it logged me out and I don't remember where the hell I put my backup code... So now I cannot sign back in, even though I'm on the same exact phone.
As they also don't have a way around situations like that yet, I'm stuck for now...15
Father bought a PC in 1997. Back then very few had it. I learned doing things like accessing the internet and sending emails, among others. I remember having added age on websites to be allowed to sign up at times :P My sisters used to play games on it sometimes. The first few ones we had were Tomb Raider: The Last Revelation, Tomb Raider Chronicles, American McGee's Alice(Which caused us to upgrade the PC xD)... And some others.
I have a memory of this pseudo-3D-looking game where you move in a maze and try answering questions. I want to remember its name, but I cannot :(
We literally have video evidence of me liking the computer as a child, yet my parents either say I'm addicted or deny I've ever liked it before. Not only that, but continuously limiting my time with the PC hasn't been a literal obstacle in my way of trying to do things in their opinion. Funny how my parents think the last few years I've been my worst when they've hurt me in those years so much that our relationship is guaranteed not working out. There were doubts in my head before, but now it's cemented and there is no way of going back. Father, for example, tells me it's too late to do anything with a PC now(As well as how I've been unable to use the PC. He looks at these pro players' footage in some TV show and he's like, „You've been unable to use your hobbies“, as if they have never ever screamed at me for perceived gaming and not actually cared to check), and I need to look for a „real“ job.
Sorry. I went to bed at 2:00 in the morning. Feel like a zombie because of ongoing weirdly insufficient sleep, even though I sleep kinda more than normal. Even when I took Melatonine for that it didn't help at all.
Childhood was where beating began. I was about 6/7. Right when I entered school. The first school that I attended was a private one and supposedly for „Wunderkinds“, while in reality I haven't seen a SINGLE teacher or psychologist approve of it, their argument being that children were basically drowned in work that wasn't age-appropriate(I don't mean anything bad. Just that teaching about Galaxies and all in first grade isn't the brightest idea). There was always a mountain of homework to do and as opposed to some other countries, we had to do it on a day to day basis. We didn't have a week-long deadline. I was predictably not keeping up with it as I could have, had it been a normal amount, so my parents decided I didn't want to study and began their methods of getting me to „study“. I have yet to see a person able to keep up with that school's tempo, no matter the age.
This place was also where I got bullied. I felt I had nowhere to be: At home, the parents' situation, at school, the bully. I never really went outside to play with other children, so I missed that part of childhood.
After the second year of school I was transferred to an advanced German school, called like that because they taught German and not English there. I also got to learn a bit of Russian before they removed it from school. In that period I used to attend ballet. But for less than a year. And piano, which I remember having attended for quite a long while, some years, if my memory isn't fried. I quit it because of it having been forced on me. Last piece I ever played fully was Beethoven's Marmotte.
In this school I was once again the outcast of the class. I had some people to interact with. All of those interactions lasted a few years at most. Then, because of a part of my class choosing me as a laughing-stock N2 and another girl as the N1, I found my best friend, who I still have today. She's the only friend I have nearby.
Most of the time I hated myself. Even today I struggle with that sometimes.
After that came university. This us where I got something like a friend circle at last. But it still didn't last. I got in a relationship with one of the guys, but I was just attracted. There was another I couldn't dare getting close to. Turns out he also had something for me. Then he disappeared from our lives and a year after, I still cannot forget the person. If I want to, I have to deprive myself of my own personality. Not a thing I'm willing to give up. Then I broke up with the guy I was in a relationship with and completely disappeared from the friendship circle. To be honest, I had reasons to. They refused to even try to look for the guy and they called him a friend for years. Sometimes parents hitting me can occur even today, but if I REALLY piss them off.
Now I'm here and oh, my God, I'm officially am aunt now! My sister gave birth to a daughter this morning... She's in Berlin with mother and both she and the child are doing great. I just hope she manages to be a good mother.22
You remember when I said the people near me might take everything away?
THE DAY HAS COME.
Do I have to say how retarded it is to take a PC and a phone away from a person who first off, loves tech, second of all, gets all her university assignments and information THROUGH an email, third, wants to be a game developer?
Seems like even telling them that I am trying to get as much informed about gaming industry as a whole isn't a valid fucking reason for why I use tech as often as I do... I want to be a game dev, you fucking morons.
So... This began by them AGAIN drilling me about the university progress. I cannot even remember my goddamn schedule, for fuck's sake! How do you expect me to remember every damn grade, every damn exam date and every damn subject name? They also expect me to study 100% of the time I'm using the PC. WHO does that?
They start drilling. I try not answering. It drives them mad. They start exploding. I try all I can to calm the goddamn situation. It's not enough for them. NO, they HAVE TO KNOW EVERYTHING! I try all I can to survive the situation without a conflict. Too late. At a certain point my amazingly clever father says I'm definitely autistic for trying to answer in as little words as I can. Because they totally don't give me a reason to never want to talk at all in their presence...
They got mad enough to take the phone, the PC and my headphones away.
And now here I am, writing this on a university PC in Chrome of all :|61
Just an idea.
If I remember correctly, Symbian OS was a free, open-source OS, right?
How about people start working with it again? It could make a great Android alternative if enough were willing to work with it.16
Another day, another hit piece against gaming.
So, a 15-year old boy hanged himself and the media goes all „This was caused by this game“, even though NO FUCKING TRACES OF THE GAME WERE FOUND ON THE LAPTOP OF THE DECEASED!!!
And then of course my freaking parents go all lecturing me about how the internet twists the brain into not being adequate towards reality etc.
First off, CAN THE FUCKING COLLECTION OF COCKSUCKERS that is the fucking media just fucking get a grip on reality? It was literally said in the same sentence that the supposed game that caused that was not found in any form on the person's laptop. You would think an online game that you take months to play through would need at least some fucking download to run, right? Unless it was a freaking video chat bullshit that they call a „game“ just for the fucking spite of gamers.
Second, HOW FUCKING LONG WILL IT FUCKING TAKE FOR PEOPLE TO FUCKING ACCEPT THAT IT'S NOT THE TECH THAT MAKES PEOPLE KILL THEMSELVES? How hard is it to fucking understand?
Third... How do people in their 60s freaking think they understand anything about modern gaming when they have no freaking way of interacting with it other than these hit pieces? They certainly give more fucks about what a hired bitch of a lying „journalist“, that cannot even talk properly, says. Oh, they care so much about the children. Have they never thought that people are killing themselves exactly because they feel nobody cares about them?
Fourth. How fucking long do parents like mine deny the reality that just as long as they see me as an incomplete copy of my sisters I will be suicidal? Let me guess... It's video games causing me to be oh, so inadequate when I've not played any of them for quite some time...
Fifth... How am I out of touch with reality when these people have never known how I „work“, so to speak, as a person, and they've been the ones basically dictating all my life? Let me see why I'm unhappy...
I know I complain a lot. Sorry for that. But I just cannot stand people like them. People that lie all the time and project that on you while depriving you of any means of defending yourself in a debate...44
Don't you just love it when people make a whole freaking scene about you not studying when you fucking are and then make a scene about your obviously angered tone of voice when answering that you are?
Great times with family. /s29
Did I miss some huge update? Since when did Skype have a function of not letting one write messages after a certain amount without the other party replying?18
Today I wake up tired. Mother barges into my room and tells me I should be already ready, takes time to fucking argue, then does some cleaning(As if I never do it or something), and this evening she starts arguing about that again and just disconnects the plug from my PC, telling me I shouldn't have gotten a person who takes preparing way longer than me and who also got out of the car when I was ready to take off late AND that I should apologise to her for speaking „in a rude manner“, when just a few seconds ago from that she hit me. That hit wasn't painful. It still was a hit, though. Do I have to say how angry I got? As if I needed that. I'm already having trouble with not wanting to kill myself for a whole week nonstop. And she tells me I have to apologise or I don't get my PC back. Oh, I haven't gotten to the best part: My birthday's coming really soon. A week and a day later. Beats me how I will have to force myself to smile like an idiot again just because the actual idiots cannot understand the shit they've done to my mind. So much so I may not be functioning at all if I stay with them much longer.
This combined with all my family telling me how insane I supposedly am etc.
I might try a photography school. My friend(who could be my twin), has been nagging me about trying it...
I need a job.
I need a fucking place away from these blood-sucking leeches.
I need to understand how my horrible self-esteem has potentially fucked my whole life up and how much nerves I wasted on my goddamn nuclear family.
I also need to learn to forgive myself.
Many more, but I will end this here.41
I might have to say goodbye to all the tech I have now because my parents are pissed off about me not wanting to talk everything about the university.
Everything... Just taken away if I don't tell them exact fucking grades in every subject until tomorrow.
How about killing me now, huh? At least I would fucking have an ending to my suffering under them.80
I tell my parents that I chose Game Development in the GeoLab course(The college which my mother really wanted me to try), and mother's response is: „Gaming is mankind's disaster. Why do you want to make more people miserable?“
Kill. Me. Now.87
What kind of music from video games has stuck in your head?
For me it was nearly all music from American McGee's Alice(because that OST is absolutely unique), Bumby's Office from Alice: Madness Returns, along with some other music, Crysis 2 Theme(it stuck in my head for at least a month after having beaten it), some songs from Still Life, the theme for Ori and the Blind Forest, Halo Theme(of course), and others I just cannot remember...49
Going for a Unity game dev course that might have some VR stuff in it and I'm exited as hell about it.
There's always a but. I wasted nearly a year on a college that taught me very little.
Don't know what else to say.31
Has anyone here have crazy ideas of what they want to do in life, only to realise those might be absolutely pointless?
As I've studied Food Production Technology, I have this idea of somehow making it possible to mix phages in foods for vaccination purposes. Phages are natural viruses to bacteria, so they are difficult to be used in that way...
Another idea is to make simulations of life of bacteria of different kinds.
And study the hell out of some pretty weird genetic mutations that are purely esthetic, but shouldn't happen.
Yeah, I am into microbiology and genetics...
I'd also like to develop games...14
Devs, if you're developing an app that's targeted to the country Georgia, you better make absolutely sure it doesn't have in-app purchases. For some reason, Google Play Store blocks those apps for Georgia. Even the free apps.6
Not that much dev-related, but still...
I wish I had a way of decompiling the code of my life, correcting it and then compiling it. I was diagnosed with Depression yesterday and it has turned me absolutely empty. The kind of empty where you feel like you're a void.
I'll survive. I know that much. I also know that it's going to be even harder than it was before.
Just for lighting the mood. This is also my struggle.50