Answering the call of nature earlier, in a bright, airy bathroom, with the sound of late-summer birdsong drifting in through the window, I found my thoughts likewise drifting to matters of courtship.

I shall take the air on the sea front this afternoon, in the company of a flaxen-haired young lady of my acquaintance who jilted me most cruelly some years ago.

But my companion at dinner will be another young lady, who is scintillating company despite being regrettably afflicted with rickets.

Lest I be thought a cad, I must hasten to point out that at no point would I risk finding myself alone with either of these ladies, and thus their reputations are perfectly safe.

I went to the lavatory this afternoon, and it was a broadly satisfactory experience. The flush mechanism appears to be in good order, and the disinfectant is subtly fragrant without being overpowering.