Been working with Apache Beam for a few weeks now and I am at a stage where nothing makes sense anymore and its frustrating as fuck!!

Here is how it's been going:

Me: I wanna take this dictionary and load one of the values as a parquet file path
Beam: Hmmm hmmm good, makes sense

Me: Then later use another key-value down the pipeline for something?

Beam: Yeaaaahh.... About that...
Me: What?

Beam: Hmmm Python?
Me: Yep

Beam: Yeaaah... Nope.
Me: Wdym

Beam: Can you do java?
Me: Wth noo, everything else is in python, I don't wanna..

Beam: Yeaaah.... Try expanding this module then?
Me: Ok how?

Beam: Use java
Me: What the actual fuck!

Beam: There's an issue on github though
Me: Nice, what's the solution?

Beam: Use java
Me: Shudafackup!

How many horrible bosses have you come across?

In my career of 4 years and 4 companies (yikes?), this is the first time in my life that I am working with someone who is not a jerk.
( It's been 7 months here so I confirm this, fuck off with your scepticism man!)

There were also times when I had my doubts if I was the one responsible for the mess, as others around continued getting treated like shit everyday.

The PTSD though is real.

But one thing is for sure, I'll never be an asshole to my own team and neither should you.

(Or i''ll find where you live if you don't change your ways alright)

Age++

Woohooo!

Cannot help this amazing feeling of impending doom getting closer!

Wow, I love being 25 even though this is my first time. Please be gentle.

I have 99 notifications but I can't see one!
Help me ples.

What instruments do you play?

I play Piano and Flute

The Ghost of Live Demos:

A supernatural being with extremely high technical prowess always scouting for live demos and ruining them in ways that has never happened before.

A phenomenon.
An enigma.
A truth.

The only way to survive is to expect him.
Always.

I wish I had someone to feed me potato chips while I type on my keyboard.

Was delaying getting a 2080ti cause you know, nvidia would release a new one and 2080s will then get cheaper and so on, same drill like always.

But holy shit, this deal is flipped on its head this time.

I have never been ++ bombed before!

Thanks @-red and @NoMad

Absolutely made my day!

Ever get that heavy feeling when you copy a large amount of text onto your clipboard?

And it stays till you paste it somewhere.

Weird.

Google today is getting fucked.
Remember you heard it here first.

Jigabytes. Lol.

Keras be like:

Error shown : Purple Watermelon

Actual Issue: Type conversion problems

I mean what the fuck!
Atleast tell me what the issue is!

/s

I absolutely love how spotify earns its subscription monies.

And by love I mean I absolutely hate it which proves that its working.

Unlike other services where you cannot access content until you subscribe, on Spotify you can stream all you want provided you are okay with getting annoying ads about annoying ads.

And given how people have tendency to make irrational decisions when angry/annoyed/upset, for spotify it means another subscription.

Annoyingly spectacular.

Sins of a goddamn tech author:

1, Writting with NO ABSOLUTE FUCKING ADDITION TO WHAT IS ALREADY WRITTEN A THOUSAND FUCKING TIMES!!

2, Articles with no date of publishing! Not an author issue but fuck you for writting here!

3, Using Screenshot of code instead of text. The only thing keeping you alive is the fact that I dont know where you live. I will, eventually.

4, Reaction GIFs. Lol? Haha? FUCK YOU!

I was the only one in the entire class to implement check for both cases for some program in C++

Talk is cheap, here's the code:

if (ch == 'y' || ch == 'Y' )
{
...
}

I was praised in entire class,
I was very smol.

That encouragement pushed me to believe I can code.

Imagine you are CEO and founder of a company and it is not doing that well because of your decisions.

Would you step down and make someone else the CEO who will definitely do it better? Also the new CEO only takes a monthly salary.

Typical LinkedIn post in my feed, a template:

"""

There was this problems. I does not give up.
Look where I am. Am I awesome guys? I am cool right?

Be like me, look where I am. I am cool right?
This is my profound wisdom, look how smart and wise I am. *Proceed sucking own dick*

A modern god inside a human body. Be more like me. I am cool right? Everyone else is looser.

#MyOwnName

Tags : Pretty much every other person on here that does this.

"""

P.s.: All grammatical errors are intentional and infact should be included for increased effect.

Manager returned from client installation and was very 'dissapointed' in the team that couldn't install a hardware device remotely over call while instructing the manager how to do it.

Let that sink in first..

Anyway, he called an 'urgent' meeting at 9 in the morning (office starts at 10),

Manager: We are going to change a few things around here. No more jargon, no more non-sense, proper requirements and proper procedure!

*All 7 of us be like 'Is this heaven? For real?' *

Manager then picks up a marker, goes to white board and writes 'H.V.P.D'

Manager: 'High Velocity Product Developement'

*Everyone facepalms *

Around 2 years ago:

Manager: What's the run time complexity on this algorithm for 100 vectors?

Me: Worst case its O(n^2)

Manager: That is unacceptable! Make it better!!

Me: Well *points at block diagram of another component*, this is way more than n^2, should focus on that instead.

Manager: Don't give excuses! N^2 is not acceptable.

It turned out my manager didn't really know about run time complexity and thought of it as how badly the code was written.

This was evident when after refactoring with deletion of 300+ LOC,

Manager: Nice! Now the complexity is low! Good work! 👍

SMH..

Why all of a sudden there is a trend in gaming laptops to have a single big hinge in the middle instead of two on both sides?

Did I miss something? What are the advantages? Or is it just one of those fads that come, get mainstream and then pass?

Can't see much structural benefits with that tbh.

What's the point?

A very very long time ago, I attached a blade to a servo to cut butter.

Accidentally sent in PWM wave for the wrong direction and almost stabbed myself in the arm.

Fortunately the blunt side of the blade hit me but it sure did hurt.

Most painful code error I've ever made..

This qualifies right?

I have been messing up my commitments for a good chunk of my life because of one simple word:

'Trivial'

And only realised it like 4 months ago.

I lived so far under the impression that it means 'complex' ( it actually means 'simple')

"This is a trivial task" : Me to my manager 2 years ago

"Sounds simple but is quite trivial" : Me to my project lead

Yes, I am ashamed.
A lot of fuck-ups suddenly make sense.

I realise how I have been 'under delivering' on a 'trivial' task.

God-fucking-damn-it!
This will haunt me for life!!

Since it doesn't say whether you get the job or not, here's mine:

It was an interview at HP and I was fresh out of uni.
This was going to be my first real interview so apart from preparing the usual stuff, I also wanted to prepare for 'general aesthetics of interview'

Came across an article on 'What not to do in an interview', so I skimmed over it lightly enough to get the idea.

It wasn't anything groundbreaking, just stuff like 'Don't say things like you nailed it, you are perfect and blah blah'

Fast forward the next day, I managed to clear all technical interviews, all other rounds and only had the HR round left to clear.

HR enters the interview room,

HR: How has been your experience with the interview so far?
Me: Good! I think I've nailed it!

The story of how I lost control:

It all started today with a game of counter strike. We were winning big and my game was strong. It was probably the 6th match when suddenly the bottom part of the screen turned pink and green.

I dismissed this to be just another glitch in old faithful AMD drivers, sure it'll go away when I switch to ubuntu. No worries.

So when the game finishes, I restart my laptop to fix this annoying driver issue.

Windows winds down.
System silent for 2 seconds.
Power button lights up.
I anticipate the boot logo and there it is..

The pink-green bar, during boot, sweat started to appear on my forehead.

Accepting this new reality, I boot up ubuntu and immediately search for a fix.
Just a display issue, must be a fix out there!

"Loose display connector"
Ah! Adventurous day ahead mate!

Equip myself with all the tools and start digging into this faithful 6 year old hp n203-tx.

Dissassembled.
Cleaned all connectors.
Reassembled.
Boot up.
..
..

The bars still there on boot screen.
I reach grub.
Press down arrow key to select ubuntu.
.
No arrow keys!
No space bar!
No fn key,
No windows key,
No Ctrl key!!

I recheck keyboard connector multiple times but to no avail.

So now I am left with a damaged eyesore display with a keyboard whose all bottom keys don't work.

Since I have lost control, *eyes tearing up*

This means I can no longer copy paste using keyboard,
therefore I am no longer a developer,
no longer worthy of this platform.

Farewell guys. It has been an good time.
I wish things would have been better.

I don't believe in supernatural stuff but sometimes I feel like the universe does not want me to do something.

I try to download a repo and wifi just goes poof!
I try using my mobile data and right at that time, there is no service!
I somehow manage to download over a few days' time and my hard drive fucking crashes!!

I mean WHAT THE FUCK!!!!

Alright. This one's interesting.

We were building an android application which had some heavy lifting. Boss asked why app lags on his device but runs fine on other devices of same make.

The bug made no sense. The same code, same hardware, same os, everything same, except Boss's device had a thick protective case.

I stopped checking app logs and instead started logging thermal logs. And voila! It was CPU throttling at 70°C.

All i did was remove the cover and done.
Proudest bug solved without code.

Whereever I go, snapchat ads everywhere,

I install the app, launch it once, uninstall.

Whereever I go, snapchat ads no where.

Is it just me or is devrant taking way longer to load basically everything?

Career Tip:

If the HR asks you to not disclose your salary with others, most likely you are the one getting paid less.

Discuss your salaries. Know your worth.