6 months later and I'm happy as a clam. 🤘

Oh this made me happy.

Define "can"...

@jazznoodler that reference went right above my head ;)

@jazznoodler 😂

@jazznoodler certainly not, they're all very helpful and understanding that the onboarding procedure can take a while :) They all seem like great colleagues, I'm glad to be here.

@easyrhino we'll know in 89 days.

@Jifuna thanks! 😃

@matt-jd Thanks! 😊

I got the job. 😊

I got a 91% score and I'm both surprised and happy with that!

Thanks for the shoulder taps y'all. 😊

@knuppelsmurf Yeah, I'm def doing that to prepare myself a bit.

@Demolishun Thank you.

Thank you again for listening. It's incredibly soothing to just relay my situation to people without any investment in the situation, that might also have a special understanding of how a situation like this is for the developer.

I have received my medicines and have for the first time in 24 hours been able to start halting the physical stressresponse that causes my body to go into chock/panic as soon as I start thinking. My migraine have also started to subside in correlation.

I have communicated to my project manager that I am slowly on the mend at that I will be able to get the most urgent things fixed tomorrow if I get instructions on what they are and in what order i need to do them, and also that I am still not able to have a line of communication with anyone but him because it causes my brain and body to go into chock.

I'm slowly on the mend.

Also, I did receive a private email from the client herself (who is a small business owner and the one in the end financially affected by this launch failing so spectacularly because paying members will need to be reimbursed for loss of service for about a week) where she basically said that she sends me love and solicitude (i think that's the right translation). Reitirating to me that in the end this is "just" a website and that we will get trough this together.

Ending the email with saying that I am more than welcome back when i am ready (but no earlier) and that she hopes I will ask for any help on a personal level if there's anything she can do.

-----

Setting aside all the "what ifs", "ands" and "buts" that was very kind of her.

Thank you for your replies. They help.

@fiftyhz Mistakes were made on all ends. Everyone was stressed, things and people were overlooked. No malicious intent from anyone though. I both had placed and took on too much responsibility and in the end became "the weakest link" (said in all honesty without blame) and that is what breaks first.

Yes, it would have been good if someone else in the team had seen the warning signs and not just taken my responses at face value.

In their defence they all are backing me up now and are dealing with the fallout and are treating me kindly and with understanding.

I will get trough this.

@Jifuna Thank you. I have good support people around me. I will get trough this.

@badcopnodonuts Harsh but in essence true. Although not so much due to people pleasing, more a matter of blaming myself for some initial procrastination early in the project and vainly trying to combat that guilt by assuming that all and any scope creep that did in fact occur was mine and mine alone to handle.

But yes. It is a rookie mistake. What stings is I'm no rookie. I've been in this line of work 15 years.

Irony also has that I cancelled the company liability insurance 3 months ago. So there's that.

No way but up now, I guess.

https://health.harvard.edu/staying-...

@melezorus34 it might just come down to being a bit stupid... 😂

Am I the only one who read "vaccines"?

@IntrusionCM more like a very tired, very over it person. ;)

@kamen Blex Mono Nerd https://github.com/ryanoasis/...

Some careers pay better than others.

Complaining over a dumb co-worker isn't sexist just because it's a woman. Whoever told you that is misinformed.

Complaining that you cAn'T cOmPlAiN oVeR fEmAlE cOwOrKeRs on the other hand... That's sus.

Very happy for you, congratulations and well done!

@electrineer DON'T TOUCH IT.

@RememberMe Amen to that!