@IntrusionCM don't mind harsh, I grew skin.
It's true that doubt myself it won't help to find job.
But, at least for me, it helps to express my frustration and receive whatever kind of reactions, positive or not.
It's also relieving to find people in similar situations or at least people that understand the situation...

Maybe it's a kind of addiction, but I get relieved.

@Demolishun morphological changes will not help I'm afraid (a wig? or 20y.o. clothes? cosmetic surgery?). As for beavhioral changes, I wouldn't mind learning new things, I'm good at learning, but there is no substitute for experience, and that takes time

@shakur yes, they value it a lot. They value how much they should pay me...
I wouldn't mind to be paid like a junior, but other senior colleagues in the company will not like it. From an HR point of view is a no-no

@shakur I'm born with C. I've learned to program with Kernigan&Ritchie and later with Stroustroup. When reading books still made sense.

So here is the lack of focus. I could spend the next month updating on C++/C. Or on mobile dev. Or on AWS devops. In any case I'll have a very limited experience, I had to fake my resume, until I'll make it. No idea which path will be better.

I'll rather toss a coin. Maybe at a casino.

@shakur yes, I know, but that's marketing. That's what junior developers do to reach quickly a senior level. I was hiring people myself. My reality is that I'm a great troubleshooter. That's it.

I'll write that on my resume: Chief Troubleshooter Officer

@kaae I'm EU based if that can help...

@PaperTrail thanks for the books and the support.

@molaram I thought about looking at QA myself, didn't know it payed less. I actually thought it was a very important part of software development.

Well, maybe it's the part that's dropped first...

@molaram probably yes, but in a more planned way. Basically I just followed the money rather than a career plan, and it paid "well" but not enough well.

The worst about the job is basically when business and tech don't go together: in the end you try to solve business problem with technology and to explain technology to non-technical people.

But business people don't think that you can give a valuable input beyond tech. So you will just be a minus in balance sheet.

Probably you must be very lucky to find the right place with the right people. But that's very general probably, it doesn't just apply to our field.

@molaram thanks for support.
The feeling is that I have no time. If I don't find a job in 3-5 years, I'll be 60 and looking for a job, on the verge of retirement. Without pension money.

It seems sooo easy to me to end up in the street.
I don't have brother nor sister, nor kids. Nor inheritance from my parents.

@SortOfTested you risked your own money? the idea of having to pay 3 people for at least 6 months and next trying to commercialise it...well...maybe you had a kind of channel in to the market, I don't.

I'm also afraid I don't have money for a shrink.
Depression it's not exactly my feeling right now, it's rather the feeling of being without focus.
I'll get maybe some certifications in few months. for what?
Like: Senior Developer. SpringBoot Certified, 0 year of experience

@molaram I was told I should stick to development, because I would jinx customers and sales. Actually, I did managed to solve all coding, scalability and technological problems they threw at me.
Sales for a die-hard developer...hmmmm.

They didn't sell basically because one account manager wanted to have only his network of sales in the company. He didn't want to scale, probably fearing what would happen to me.

On the contrary, I made the huge mistake of hiring young people, better than me, because I wanted to modernise the application.

When sales were not high enough, I was the obvious victim.

@SortOfTested I guess that for consulting you need a good network. I don't know virtually anybody. I was sucked into a project for 14 years, with little possibility for networking. The few people I could contact are still to close to "my" project. I have no clue on how and where to start a consulting business.
Don't feel that door-to-door selling, spamming and a personal website will help much.

If with: "your own firm" you mean "freelance", that's what I'll try to do.
But still. Promoting myself, learning tech and maintaining customer doesn't seems easy to me.

Starting a firm, well...I can register a domain...don't know where to go from there...