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jestdotty5308301dI made a company 3 million a year while I was there (and I should say I caused that situation) and they didn't even have the decency to pay me industry standard pay. What's worse is because I was so important they would mistreat me and coerce me, as if my reward for being so good was to get punished, work extra hours, be always on call, be given fake compliments but have my bonuses taken away, freedom taken away, in-house projects taken away, and the owner of the company at parties to completely unsolicitedly tell me when someone else got a fake award that "maybe one day I could get one too"... When I was bankrolling over half their company's revenue and that stupid award was like 1% bonus pay and not even industry standard pay.
That's when I started to feel like you do and I "broke". I wanted to off myself for 3 months until I realized I could just quit a job instead of quit life
I've never been the same since so I can't even really tell you -
jestdotty5308301dSometimes I think I know what broke but every time it's false
I'll be happy for a few days but then it'll fade and I'm back to broken again
I always get it wrong
I'm just not the same naive kid anymore. I've lost my delight for things. I think I'm just angry, but it isn't a type of anger that ever leaves you. -
Demolishun34913301d@jestdotty I am trying to put that angry energy into side projects. Because I am going to get fuck all working for someone.
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TeachMeCode5175301d@idkhow you mean you forgot the git pull command? Yeah my brain crashes hard and forgets stuff like that when crashed.
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idkhow109301d@TeachMeCode yes. Had a complete brain fart trying to remember if it was necessary to do a git fetch, or if a git pull was enough.
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RageExpress54301dI dont even remember how to code anymore. I am tired to declare variables and shit. I just open copilot and ask it for a method to do stuff I am too tired to think about.
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TheBeardedOne3149300dI did/am going through something similar. I'm so slow on everything these days, problem much simpler than things I've solved before take me ages, sometimes it physically hurts to think when I'm stuck. I struggle to retain processes/company ip.
I feel like I have no capacity for any kind of feedback that has any emotional aspect to it, I know I should just take it in stride, apply it and improve but I get pissed off and ruins my day.
Today I'm also just tired af. One of my colleagues just said 5 minutes ago that I don't seem myself. Like if people are noticing, you know it's bad.
Feel like whatever passion I once had for development has been squeezed out.
It feels like I got burnt out I don't think I ever worked hard enough for that to happen -
Demolishun34913300dI have had zero desire to code at times. Usually once per year. Can last a couple of months.
Have you felt so burnout that it feels like you’ve forgotten how to code?
If yes, how you’ve solved?
I feel like I hit rock bottom. Everything takes forever, and I even forgotten how to do a pull while speaking to a junior recently.
Furthermore, I have to do a performance review and I can’t even think of anything worth mentioning. For sure I’ll be in the next layoffs that should happen soon.
Job market is quite depressing right now. All positions that pay what I need to earn are asking for someone with 3 heads, 8 hands and 9 d*cks.
I miss the times where it was possible to be a senior and just code, without any BS, without having to prove that you can make the company earn N millions more.
rant
i’m doomed