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Magento is a special kind of tool.
- >20GiB of files? ✔
- >1 GB database? ✔
- Memory needed for scripts >768 MB? ✔
- Script max. exec. time 5 hours? ✔
- Slow ass website? FUCKING ✔
- Slower deployment than a vote on a country wide legislation? FUCKING ✔
- Shitty crap pile of STD-ridden code? I BET YOUR STINKING ✔

Magento, sincerely, please die in agony.

Comments
  • 4
    Sounds like a dev problem
  • 7
    If you needs some help with Magento hit me up, That is my specialty unfortunately.

    My blog for the simple stuff

    http://magefoo.com
  • 1
  • 2
    I hear you, brother.
    2 weeks into my current job (which was 95% magento in the beginning) my supervisor coined the term "over-engineered abomination" regarding magento.
  • 2
    Do you face the problem of having to deploy static content 2 times because first time there is always something missing, and clearing cache like 3 times... Even setting permissions sometimes more then one time....
  • 1
    @Bitwise thank you :) posted to our slack channel ;)
  • 2
    Whenever you land on an e-commerce site and it takes about 5 seconds minimum to load the next page.. You'll know you're on a Magento platform. 😌
  • 2
    @zankar @SonySlaystation

    I run 30+ Magento 1 sites in 16 languages and currently building 5 Magento 2 sites and converting all the Magento 1 sites to Magento 2.

    And I am not talking about doing easy shit either, I build pretty in depth modules and customizations.

    All my sites are super fast, load under 0.5 seconds (which is still too slow but meh) that is without Varnish yet or some other stuff I could do but I am concentrating on dev at the moment.

    I also built a cPanel plugin to bring Varnish to cPanel. (no I am not on shared hosting, I run cPanel on my own servers at the moment only to give my boss a semblance of control, plus to split up our sites on one server, so I guess it is shared between our sites only)
  • 0
    @Bitwise That's awesome! I wish this website would be that fast.
  • 2
    @Bitwise

    Nice!

    Except that you use cpanel, cpanel is crap.
  • 2
    @BertMaurau

    No, then I know that the devs are crappy.
  • 1
    @Bitwise I just found out that in case of an exception during login (in developer mode, v2.1.12), magento shows the given username AND password in fucking cleartext in the stacktrace (methid parameters)... WTF.
    OK it's not too big of a problem as long as it does not show up in the log files...😅
  • 2
    Have you ever seen "PrestaShop"? That shit is even worse, and it has an awesome built-in feature: half of the code has variables and comments... in French :/
  • 1
    @Linux

    Indeed it is. I agree wholeheartedly.

    Two reasons for the design decision.

    My boss needs a control panel to quell his insecurity.

    And my friend who is a big cpanel fan and who helped me with the setup recommended it. We were under pressure had to build the server in 1 day due to our hosting literally kicking us and sueing me for breach of contract (they were my former employer) . And i just went the easy and fastest route.

    I mean i run stand alone nginx, redis, memcache, php-fpm. It is a highly customized stack for sure. Barely anything is default cpanel.

    We are building 3 new servers and this time i have time to design a proper system. Def is not going to include cpanel. If i would have worked with cpanel before this i would not have used it.
  • 1
    @PonySlaystation

    Yeah if there is an exception on forms it will show the form params. You will occasionally get a stack trace with mysql creds too if it fails to connect to db.
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