I'd rather take a swim in a moist human massgrave than fix any more bugs of this cancer-inducing "selfmade" CMS developped by a "company" that shall not be named.
Sadly I am not aware of any such pit in the neighborhood, thus more bugfixing it is... yay ⚰️

My worst dev experience in 2021 has been a PHP-based CMS developped by lobotomized, single-celled organisms incapable of coherent thoughts.
A CMS even worse than WorstPress.

200k lines of "code", no use of packages, multiple entrypoints, no namespacing, all dependencies loaded by "include" at random places and everything is dependent of every thing else... a complete mess.

One could call it the butterfly effect CMS. Adding a space could completely crash the application.

At this point I've almost developped terminal eye cancer...

You wanna know why PHP has such a poor reputation?
It's because of imbeciles who code like this:

You know you completely fucked up as a company, when your self-developed CMS is one huge unmaintainable hack and without any structure at fucking all.
It's just mindboggling how even such a complete mess can "attract" customers.
EXTREME STONKS 📈📈📈📈

(thankfully I am not related to that particular company which shall remain unnamed)

It fucking infuriates me when the docs mention to create a certain config file "xyz.json" but completely leave it to your imagination where the hell this fucking file should be placed!
Come on, I'm not getting paid for detective work, fucking imbeciles.

My parents didn't care at all. I guess they were just glad that they didn't have to pay for my expenses anymore, which they barely did anyway. Both have worked in physically demanding jobs and were extremely restrictive in the amount of time I could spend with computers.
Fucktards.

Developers who use JavaScript "eval(...)" deserve a normal place in hell.
Developers who use JavaScript eval() within eval() deserve the most special place in hell. 🔥

Did you know that "Chief Prayer Officer" is an actual role in some companies?

It just so happens that our IT partners have a CPO and the very same company forgot to install Antivirus software on our servers... I guess the servers are protected by God™. 😅

(relating the CMS of Doom™)
Imagine loading a shared CSS for your subdomain site from your main site via PHP over cURL and then embed it in a <style/> tag on every single damn request.
🤯

Need I say more?
Legacy code hell...

The gift that keeps on giving... the Custom CMS Of Doom™
I've finally seen enough evidence why PHP has such a bad reputation to the point where even recruiters recommended me to remove my years of PHP experience from the CV.

The completely custom CMS written by company <redacted>'s CEO and his slaves features the following:
- Open for SQL injection attacks
- Remote shell command execution through URL query params
- Page-specific strings in most core PHP files
- Constructors containing hundreds of lines of code (mostly used to initialize the hundreds of properties
- Class methods containing more than 1000 lines of code
- Completely free of namespaces or package managers (uber elite programmers use only the root namespace)
- Random includes in any place imaginable
- Methods containing 1 line: the include of the file which contains the method body
- SQL queries in literally every source file
- The entrypoint script is in the webroot folder where all the code resides
- Access to sensitive folders is "restricted" by robots.txt 🤣🤣🤣🤣
- The CMS has its own crawler which runs by CRONjob and requests ALL HTML links (yes, full content, including videos!) to fill a database of keywords (I found out because the server traffic was >500 GB/month for this small website)
- Hundreds of config settings are literally defined by "define(...)"
- LESS is transpiled into CSS by PHP on requests
- .......

I could go on, but yes, I've seen it all now.

Imagine implementing PHP scripts which execute shell commands defined in URL GET query params on your customer's dedicated server without any basic authentication or similar. The only security is by barely obfuscating it's URL.
I think I've seen it all now...

1. Put on my lucky pants
2. Code
3. ???
4. profit $$$$

I think I have PHPTSD...
This absolutely abysmal custom PHP CMS I have to migrate is even worse than I expected. At this point it's easier to guess the table relationships in MySQL than trying to decypher the code which that other company's CEO and his slaves wrote.

I have to assume that he is an absolute genius, well above 180 IQ points, as I have zero chance of understanding his code within my limited lifetime...

Imagine this clusterfuck:
A small company creates its own CMS on PHP 5.5 and MySQL, coded by fresh junior devs who apparently just got into coding.

My new employer sadly is one of their customers and now I got the task to migrate a group of tightly linked websites on subdomains to an actually sane and maintainable CMS...

Fuck me...

Apparently the continuous extension of the websites over the years got so labor intense, that the mentioned company lacks the manpower to fulfill further development wishes.

I've looked into the code today... let me tell you, PTSD is helluva thing.

- Each subdomain has a complete copy of the Crap Management System, there is no use of composer packages and each of the 50 folders in the webroot contains a mix of source code and images or other resources.
- LESS is transpiled into CSS by PHP on requests.
- There is no central file for environment variables like a ".env".
- Each website uses at least 5 different versions of jQuery, of which some jquery.min.js files were manually modified.

Don't get me started on how the DB is organized...

My work on this has just started, there will be more I've yet to uncover.

"C'mon, man! Gimme a break!"

I haven't started yet, but I will start with a small and simple operating system for microcontrollers written in C++.

Imagine what PHP could be, if its native API wasn't still based on a C-like pile of turds, abused by below average coders...
On can just dream 😢

I like PHP a lot, but man, the PHP job offerings I've seen...
99% WorstPress, Typo3 or Joomla in companies that exist for 15 years and have just recently started to use Git.
Even with a 6 figure salary I couldn't bear the desolation of working for such single-celled organisms.

Wordpress.
In my opinion you have to be a psychopath to actually like learning WP at all.
It makes me wanna jump off the closest bridge, taking a header.

Not quite dev-related, but I once had to migrate and replace a Windows Server 2003 Domain (1 DC) to a new Windows Server 2016 Domain Controller. The network consisted of about 30 PCs, 1 DC and 1 DB Server.
Eventhough it worked, I wouldn't do it again... 😰
At the beginning I almost deleted the old Domain Controller VM from the old ESXi host server, before any VM backup existed. Close one...

Fun is, when you get to fix the front-end made by a "front-end expert" consisting of bootstrap and a single "custom.css" of 3800 lines.

Peak sadism. 🤡

Outsourcing front-end for web is like playing russian roulette, but with 6 bullets in 6 chambers.
You shoot yourself in the balls (or ovaries)... HARD.

I don't know how you can develop in a complete nightmare of a SCSS file - 3500 lines of insanity.
This dev must have changed his mousewheel at least 50 times!
SERIOUSLY, why the fuck use SCSS when you piss everything into one single fucking file???
What drives me completely nuts is the fact that he even used an @import to include his custom.scss file... how many more IQ poins are needed to realize that you could SPLIT your spaghetti into smaller, sane files?

I need a whiskey...

Fuck Mozilla
https://blog.mozilla.org/blog/2021/...

https://youtu.be/BMXrfmRSprM

Show core dump 😏

So it turns out I had to set the memory_limit of a PHP cronjob to a whopping 8 Gigglebytes to make it run.
Call me haxX0r m4n from now on.

Damn, I really love Vue! 🥰
It's so clean and refreshingly simple compared to the shitfuckery called AngularJS (should be renamed to AngularJK or AngularRIP btw.).

I don't understand why I haven't tried Vue sooner... much mind boggle, so regret, many thinking...

SAP Ariba.
Imagine you can test newly created catalogs, but on error you only receive an error ID, which you have to send to a support email to get the acual error message, but support only responds after maybe 2 weeks if you're lucky.
How hard can it be to implement a log viewer next to your catalog testing forms.

I hate lying customers.

Today a customer opened a support ticket related to his website account. Apparently he is losing his session right after the login success.
I've debugged everything, checked all logs and couldn't reproduce it.
I know every bit of business logic on the website by heart.
The only explanation could be that his browser either doesn't allow cookies or expires them after page change.
So I asked him to check.
"Yes, cookies are allowed in my browser" he wrote.
Well... fuck me... I will change the code to put the session ID in the URL as well. If it works - and I'm 100% sure of that - I will personally mail him a collection of the finest turds.

There was a time in Windows 95, where during login, you could just press cancel and you were logged in without the need of a password.

My top reasons for you to not become a dev are:
- You don't like stress
- You like to overengineer but you want to "take your time"
- You hate bug-detective work
- You are impatient
- You want to overcome your virginity
- You are an overly social person

The top reasons to become a dev are:
- your brain acutally gets challenged to its fullest
- you can fix most of your IT problems yourself
- you are forced to learn how to deal and live with stress

I won't list the disadvantages, becaus it would result in memory allocation errors.