Fuck first level support.
Usually the users are the problem because they don't know how to reboot or they delay software updates to infinity if you give them the option.

Additionally, having to log in on a user's computer, I always feel like I'm entering a messy's appartment. How can they live like that?
Fucking imbeciles.

I got terminal white-space autism because of the CMS Of Doom.
Forgetting one or adding one too many leads to major problems on prod.

Oh boy, my riskiest coding decision was certainly that one time when I refactored some 50k lines of critical legacy shit code in 3 days, straight up merged everything into master and then deployed to prod.
Luckily there was only one minor bug I had to fix after that... phew...
(To my defense: I was solo-working on it - the infamous CMS Of Doom™)

Fuck all this legacy shit. I'm buying a strip club on the bahamas, seeya!

How I see GPU brands:
- Team blue, Intel:
Oldschool autistic engineers, working GPU but not practical
- Team red, AMD:
Competitive but anarchist, horrid Windows drivers, but good on opensource, anti-mainstream
- Team green, nVidia:
Way too greedy cunts circlejerking each others off during breaks (like Apple employees), delivering on performance, but wayyy overpriced and scammy tactics

Mommy Microsoft really wants all your data in Windows 11.
The Facebook of operating systems.

Oh boy... something just happened I'd have never expected.
Remember my rants about the PHP CMS Of Doom™?
Guess what... the boss of said company just called me to offer me a job as their new tech lead. WTF.

I'd rather slowly impale myself on a rusy pickaxe.
I'd rather tattoo my face with a giant, pulsating, uncircimcised shlong.
I'd rather take a swim in a pool of Hydrogen fluoride.
I'd rather work 80h/wk on pimple extraction.

"thir" will be the new gender-inclusive form of "this".
Example:
thir.printPronouns();

I think a good path to dev education is if you are interested in it as a teen and try out coding and keep failing. Persistence and interest will bring you farther than just going straight to uni/dev school.

Date of doom... they forgot the double quotes...
(btw. $dateString is in the form "1234-10-11")
The fun part is that this comparison fails because $dateString is not numeric (due to "-") thus won't be (non-strictly) equal to 0 (int).

Damn fuucking amateurs... all hacks no skill.

Damn, it's quite refreshing to work on some C#.NET microservices instead of the usual PHPTSD in the CMS Of Doom™...

My favourite non-dev hobby: Waste time watching Youtube videos...

It's a config file. This is illegal.

Santa has come early this year...

My biggest dev career dream is to have a useful SaaS with a solid user base and then reduce work to 40-50% and use the rest of the time for hobby projects and a family.

Life changing tech stack:
Programmer Having Pain + My Sickening Quality (of) Life

300k LOC 💫

They actually did it...
Cheezus Crust, they actually "generated" 3 HTML selects to let a user chose a Date.
(nvm the line numbers, it ends at 3000)

They didn't even bother to generate the fucking arrays lol

You know a Repo is fucked when you have to rely on global text search to find and rename symbols like method or class names.

The next big trend will be in the area of project management:
The Waterfall™
Agile has been abused to the point where The Waterfall™ is way more agile! Think about it: It's straight down. No loops, no unnecessary hourly, daily, weekly meetings. No micromanaging. Just one flow. It starts at the top and it's all downhill from there.
Pure efficiency!

Edit: Wake up developers! The management doesn't want you to know this simple efficiency trick!

I wish I could afford to be lazy...

All the jQuery... in one single repository / website.
There is a good reason why we should use fucking CDNs.

Edit: Yes, these are different files in different folders.
Edit2: I've already deleted 2 other jQuery files (the library itself).

Yes, high quality code...

Definitely Git, Node, Composer and PHP at the moment.
It's fucking incredible how you have such tools for free.
The younger generations have it much easier to get into programming.

You know the PHP legacy code base is complete garbage when it requires a script memory limit of 1.5GB.

How do such people even breathe???

Does somebody here know whether comments of this kind can be generated by an IDE?
I have to assume they used PhpStorm due to some hints in some files.

Imagine saving Integers and Floats in a MySQL table as strings containing locale based thousand sepatators...
man... fickt das hart!

Wait, there's more!
Imagine storing a field containing list of object data as a CSV in a single table column instead of using JSON format or a separate DB table.... and later parsing it by splitting the CSV string on ";"...

Leaking an API access token to the web client... oh no no noooo...

[CMS of Doom™]
Gotta love the fact that the fuckers who originally "coded" this abomination of a CMS implemented a method which replaces some text before sending the HTML to the client.
Guess what fucks with my code?

[CMS of Doom™]
The gift that keeps on giving...
When you think you've seen it all after 7 months in legacy hell, you get another gift:

Let's say you use PHP, but your IQ is in the zero-ish range, then it is obvious to:
- use define() for constants in all your config.*.php files
- then include said config.*.php files multiple times
- and because define() doesn't overwrite the same constant, because it's - you know - a constant, you instead of including just do a file_get_contents() to read the PHP file as string and then parse the values by Regex.

The dev who wrote this was truly one of the devs ever.