My favourite part of homeoffice is my coffee machine. It's way better than at the office. 😄

I fucking love it!
After a full day of refactoring old shitty code into a glamorously sparkling epicness of bytes, the whole thing worked flawlessly and on speed.
Quite satisfactory. 😊

Templating in TWIG, especially using inheritance and includes, is so much more fun than doing it in raw PHP!
*cough*Fuck WordPress*cough"

It saddens me to see that people still don't use other categories than rant. It's almost as if they don't care at all. If you want to post random garbage, please for the sake of this app, either use the appropriate category or fuck off to reddit.

A "partner" company has created a "REST" API we use on an online shop we developed to send all shop-related requests to.
At least once a month, something fails on their end and the customer calls us every time, expecting that we did something wrong, but it has never been us.
These "partners" do exactly zero testing, are extremely slow in solving API bugs, have almost no logging and have no monitoring on the API at all.
Today at noon, suddenly no customers were able to order anything anymore for 4 hours.

How the fuck can you run a business so unbelievably brainless that this keeps repeating monthly?
Time they fire all their "devs" and everyone in charge of the company and operations. TERMINATE.

For me the worst job would be to develop front-end stuff as the sole dev in a design company.
Imagine having to go to great lengths just to have everything done perfectly down to half pixels.

I've had to develop a couple of projects for an external design company and their lead designer was an absolute cunt about quarter pixels. I'm glad they fired him and working with them had become somewhat sane again...

Some things in front-end are either impossible or near impossible to get perfectly and nobody will pay for those wasted days anyway.
Oh and by the way: Please get rid of IE. I fucking hate it almost as much as my ex's mom.

Today has been a pathetic day. Nothing worked and lots of BSOD screens of death.
Join me with a beer or two.
Cheers! 🍻

I had to make a ruler grid for an existing horizontal scroll website project, but I had the job basically for sure.
I came up with a solution which included PHP-generated SVG embedded in HTML.
It was a new thing to me at that time, but a cool challenge.

Optimizing my RESTful API plugin, used in a CMS to make it headless, was extremely satisfying.
Thanks to caching and alorithm improvements, I brought the response times down by a factor of 150.
The caching also includes dependency tags thus it will automatically invalidate on changes in the dependent element.

I don't like marketing people (nothing personal).
Most of those I had to communicate with, do lack anything that would remotely come close to brain activity.
A handful of days before the start of a huge event, for which we made a VR game over 2 months, they have the ovaries to tell us that the spectator TV doesn't fit the event's design and thus the VR game will not be shown at the event.
Wow.
Thankfully, half a day later, their CEO directly wrote us and told us to ignore them and to proceed with the preparations for the game.

It might be a stupid question, but:
Do the full-stack devs of you actually have that function in the job contract or does it just say "(junior/senior) software developer"?

Mine says just "Software Developer" and in my opinion it sounds just too generic and undervalued for what I'm actually doing...

In 2020 I want to achieve:
- develop a proper custom deployment tool (for job)
- get my boss to finally approve of me doing code reviews (we have 0 reviews 🙄, tiny company)
- never have to work on WordPress ever again
- develop or set up a company internal package repo (alt. to NPM)
- get a new contract
- get 3 open side projects done

(non-dev)
- buy some more furniture and make the appartment finally cozy and a happy place to live
- finally get over the negative thoughts of that antisocial ex
- go indoor climbing 3 days of the week, to get rid of those developer fat cushions... 😅

There is nothing more fulfilling than working you ass off 2 days, learning a new technology, and getting it to finally work as per the requirements and then ...

getting told that the absolute cunt of a client forgot the release date, announced its release 2 days early and decided to casually ask why there is no app on the released URL (it's a tiny Agonizing Reality [AR] app meant as a gimmick on the invitation cards for an upcoming convention).
My boss told me, the thing I worked on is now being scrapped and will not be released.

Yes, I wish the clients could slowly die in agony by a tree growing out of their appendix. Nature shall reclaim their corpses and feed a happy pig which I would happily have a feast of. 🤗

Hi, did I miss something?

The worst work culture I've experienced was at a local security company.
There was a reason why over 15 people come and go within 6 months (just 30 people work there):
The boss is a fucking psychopath and should be (mis)treated in a high-security mental health institution.
There has not been one sane day during the 90 days I had to work there.
A friend of mine still has to work there because he can't find anything else in his current situation...

How can I be so fucking stupid?
I was developing and testing a small webserver running on an ESP32.
3 fucking hours were wasted resolving connectivity problems because I did not realize the fucking VPN on my PC was still up thus hiding my ESP32's IP.

How fucking brainless...
I've cie ked everything. Dead flash, wrong offsets, compiler warnings, CPU freq. config...

Is it normal to deploy a 5.6MB main.css file?

Last week I had to change some shizzle on a website (externally developed).
Well, I was quite shocked...

We usually deploy a single stylesheet under 700 kB.
But also because we never use CSS "frameworks".

Sometimes I wish I could work in an anechoic chamber, alone.
Big open offices can be a fucking pain in the butthole.
Phone ringing here, stupid chatter there, clattering keys and noisy Intel™ stock coolers.
Even 9 hours with over ear headphones, blasting a fresh breeze of technical death metal, can't cover up those distacting noisy cunts.

How do you cope with that?

Bait question: What's your style?
a) for ( ... ; ++i ) {
b) for ( ... ; i++ ) {

I am disgusted of b). a) for the win 😎

1.) Please make WordPress die();

2.) Please prevent recruiters from getting my contact info.

3.) Please ban all "coder meme/joke" sites from instagram. They repost long dead jokes and the jokes don't even make sense if you know how to code.

I'm not sure if I have made devEnemies so far, because nobody has pissed in my good-morning-office-coffee yet. But I think my tendeny to perfectionism in syntax and code structure may have been a PITA in the ass for some coworkers sometimes...

I see the industry evolving into dna-mutilated JS hipster virgins who use neuronal networks for even the simplest tasks an jerk off on MongoDB queries during their breaks while thinking of GraphQL queries.
Naughty.

Whichever fucking cunt at Wordpress came up with that filthy Walker class and how a navigation item tree should be traversed, shall be hanged to death.
How fucking brainless can one be to create such a complete pile of donkey turds?!
No wonder Wordpress itself makes no sense at all nor has it any connection to any intelligent lifeform whatsoever.

Edit: This rant does not even closely show how high my fucking rage-level is!

Happy new Year, David & Tim, you guys rock!
🥃

My devGoals for 2019 are:

- Move DNS blocking from hosts file to a PiHole (or similar) at home

- Implement a full HAL for some smol microcontroller in C

- Create better automation templates for testing, building & deployment for our Angular projects

- Get rid of crippling depression

- Force my boss away from firebase and google tools in general

- Spread the love for CraftCMS

- Spread more love in general (with protection of course) 😄

What is "vacation"?

I fucking hate december. It's as dark outside as in a hobo's ass standing in a tunnel during a solar eclipse and there is "love" and "friends" everywhere.
Time for some nordic doom metal.

What's the most complex programming task you ever had to solve? Or: A "hack"* of a framework/API you came up with to make something work?

*undocumented or unintended use

Am I a machochistic fuck?
This sunday I had the glorious idea to fix a not-so-recent Wordpress website for a friend.
Imagine an upgrade from 3.3.2 to 4.9.8! (and PHP 5.5.old to 7.2.new

Oh boy. I thought it was impossible, because the site uses a free theme from 2012 and had some other plugins installed.
But what kind of developer am I, if I give up so easily?

I forced XAMPP to run PHP 5.6.stoneage in order to let me debug this thing. After some fixing in different files, I was able to get the admin panel back, disabled some plugins and then overwrote the installation with WP 4.9.8. After firing up the admin panel I had to fix 20 differend PHP files in the plugins.

Finally! After the plugins were updated, all worked again.
Except for the backend part of this free crappy theme. It uses an old version of JQuery UI widgets with custom mods.
I've done enough for today so I let it be like this. I'm not in the mood to load a second JQuery version.

The worst architecture I've seen is WordPress.
How can you be so drunk to design such a filthy mess?
In some way PHP might be to blame. Its API is a fucking mess as well and may have stirred WP developers in this puke around so they couldn't come up with a better CMS architecture.
Don't get me wrong. I do love PHP. But only in it's OO form with namespaces and type hints and composer dependencies.

I've seen enough of PHP functional programming and it still haunts me.

Today was the first time I used WebWorkers. I loaded it with a hyphenator script because fucking Chrome is still not able to do hyphenation on its own. For the main thread I wrote an injectable Angular service as a wrapper and to enqueue hyphenation work.
So far it works pretty smooth and quickly.

Have you used WebWorkers before? What for?