AboutFull Stack Software Engineer, Electrical Engineering Driven by OCD & Club Mate. Beatiful anf maintainable code is what gives life its beauty.
Joined devRant on 4/25/2017
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The most ignorant client is the one requiring you to build his crapsite on WordMess despite of you showing him the glory and beauty of a proper CMS which has a brain-amputee-friendly back-end.
Some people just want and need constant pain on their servers.
His reason to prefer WP:
"I know how to use it."
War, war never changes...5
Fuck AngularJS' scope fuckery. Yes it's legacy shit in an old project.
A minor change fucked up the model scope shitfuck thus leading to improper input model fuckvalues.
Go rot in pieces and perish.1
What a horrible monday today was. Fuck-all worked. Missed deadline. Not much sleep. Heart is racing.
But hey, the horoscope in the daily toiletpaper press knows it all better, as usual, 100% IQ:
💫"You have finally found your center. Your body and soul are feeling great and your're in tune with yourself. You are enjoying it and would love to share your experiences with your loved one."💫
Where is my rocket launcher??? I have to kill a newspaper.6
There is nothing more beautiful than having to embed legacy shit into an new website because the customer is a cheap arse and doesn't want to budget the whole pissing redesign package of his website.
I hope you choke on the next meal your stinky gullet has to swallow!1
What's your view on workplace relationships or hook ups? 😄
(Sticking an RJ45 in your pooper doesn't count btw.)10
Well, there was this one website, with border-radius > 0 on everything... does that count?5
We should once and for all,
put all IE11 devs in front of a wall
stone them with small rocks
until they bleed out of their socks
then proceed to melt them
with a blazing hot flame
until they are just piles of ash,
I will party like a lush!
This rant wasn't supposed to be a cheap poem, but I can't expect you to read a rant in swiss-german consisting of 98% cussing, swearing and death threats.4
Damn, CSS Grid and Flex are fucking awesome!
I've been using both at least a year now and with a handful of SCSS mixins they have made the never-ending misery of front-end bearable.
Before I was forced to use Bootcrap floating grid and it was just a fucking mess and in some cases made JS hacks necessary.4
Holy fuck is firebase a uber-AIDS-ridden slimy cunt of a platform. How the fuck is it impossible to give a simple wanking message during deployment of what is going pissingly wrong???
I'd have a lovely smile on my face when I could put the responsible devs at a wall and melt them to ashes with my blazing flamethrower.
3 fucking hours of searching and trying all kinds of shit out and still no clue why the fuck my functions don't appear in their stinking cloud cunthole, I mean console.
Devour a pile of fresh smelly turds, wankers!1
Uuh, when you own a company, it would be advisable to not use the abbreviation "CNT" in your logo.
Some people might misread it 🤭3
I've just been told that I'll be alone in the office this friday, with only a handfull of easy tasks.
It's rather tempting to bring a box of beer and have some fun on the keyboard. 🥳5
You know it will be a fucking glorious day when you open up that legacy project from 3 years ago.
Calling those NPM package dependencies "outdated" is an understatement...
3 years equals to roughly 1 million new JS hipster frameworks.1
Imagine being a software engineer:
You invent a new CMS called "WordPress"
and you decide to store all internal links as complete URLs in the fucking database.
PEAK BRAIN USAGE22
I was hating on Postman for 10 minutes straight...
and then I found out it was me all along.
Turns out, it's an advantage if you actually select the proper environment before sending a request.
fuck me... coffee! ☕3
Terrence Andrew Davis
He was an unbelievably talented guy. It is sad how his mental illness made him an outsider and imagine things which weren't there, or maybe we are the blinded ones and he saw what code truly could create...
He will always stay in my synapses as "the greatest programmer who has ever lived".1
WebDev jobs should come with big warning signs:
"You absolutely will lose your sanity!"
"IE11 might indirectly lead to impotence!"
"You won't get laid more often by using CSS Grid!"
"You will have to fix websites which only appear broken on iOS Safari!"
"Get some extra terabytes ready for your node modules!"
"Get ready to yarnify your npm dockerized webassembly blobs while gulping on your mocha chai latte with no karma!"
Can't we just go back to the good old times with Quick Basic and chill?
Man, the ladies were flocking around those programmer boyz, I tell ya... Klickety klackety on the mechanical6
Has your character and level of patience changed since the beginning of your dev career?
I have a feeling that stress mixed with a constant exposure to shitty code, hacky web stuff and abysmal stylesheets have been eroding my immense pillars of patience.
10 years ago I was able to try stuff out for hours with full motivation. I've started a habit of low level swearing recently and sometimes gain a strong urge to punch through a monitor.
I don't have it every day, but it seems worrying...
... or maybe it's just all due to having to HACK the shit out of everything to support fucking IE11.
This complete fuckery of a browser is still in use by about 0.5%... absolute braindamaged imbeciles if you ask me!2
I would say my biggest insecurity is not getting (enough) useful straightforward feedback from my boss about how I work.
I have a tendency to take a bit longer than others, but deliver code that rarely has to be fixed.
Some of it may appear overengineered but it really isn't... I just like it clean and not hacky.
There are times my boss seems like telling me subconciously that I take too long for my stuff, but then again, he is really happy when we deliver a big thing to a customer and it just works, without any bugs or negative feedback.
It sometimes drives me nuts. 😅2
I'd strongly advise to learn some basic about OOP and a commonly used programming language and not go down the tutorial rabbit hole and rather try stuff out.1
Life lesson learned:
Despite good intentions, don't overengineer the front-end, when time is heavily constrained and the release is scheduled and is communicated to media outlets immediately after.
A broken release just makes the client send around multiple emails per minute with tens of people in CC.
Shit happens... at least it was a bargain for them.
I fucking love it!
After a full day of refactoring old shitty code into a glamorously sparkling epicness of bytes, the whole thing worked flawlessly and on speed.
Quite satisfactory. 😊
Templating in TWIG, especially using inheritance and includes, is so much more fun than doing it in raw PHP!
It saddens me to see that people still don't use other categories than rant. It's almost as if they don't care at all. If you want to post random garbage, please for the sake of this app, either use the appropriate category or fuck off to reddit.9
A "partner" company has created a "REST" API we use on an online shop we developed to send all shop-related requests to.
At least once a month, something fails on their end and the customer calls us every time, expecting that we did something wrong, but it has never been us.
These "partners" do exactly zero testing, are extremely slow in solving API bugs, have almost no logging and have no monitoring on the API at all.
Today at noon, suddenly no customers were able to order anything anymore for 4 hours.
How the fuck can you run a business so unbelievably brainless that this keeps repeating monthly?
Time they fire all their "devs" and everyone in charge of the company and operations. TERMINATE.14
For me the worst job would be to develop front-end stuff as the sole dev in a design company.
Imagine having to go to great lengths just to have everything done perfectly down to half pixels.
I've had to develop a couple of projects for an external design company and their lead designer was an absolute cunt about quarter pixels. I'm glad they fired him and working with them had become somewhat sane again...
Some things in front-end are either impossible or near impossible to get perfectly and nobody will pay for those wasted days anyway.
Oh and by the way: Please get rid of IE. I fucking hate it almost as much as my ex's mom.3
Today has been a pathetic day. Nothing worked and lots of BSOD screens of death.
Join me with a beer or two.
I had to make a ruler grid for an existing horizontal scroll website project, but I had the job basically for sure.
I came up with a solution which included PHP-generated SVG embedded in HTML.
It was a new thing to me at that time, but a cool challenge.