Optimizing my RESTful API plugin, used in a CMS to make it headless, was extremely satisfying.
Thanks to caching and alorithm improvements, I brought the response times down by a factor of 150.
The caching also includes dependency tags thus it will automatically invalidate on changes in the dependent element.

I don't like marketing people (nothing personal).
Most of those I had to communicate with, do lack anything that would remotely come close to brain activity.
A handful of days before the start of a huge event, for which we made a VR game over 2 months, they have the ovaries to tell us that the spectator TV doesn't fit the event's design and thus the VR game will not be shown at the event.
Wow.
Thankfully, half a day later, their CEO directly wrote us and told us to ignore them and to proceed with the preparations for the game.

It might be a stupid question, but:
Do the full-stack devs of you actually have that function in the job contract or does it just say "(junior/senior) software developer"?

Mine says just "Software Developer" and in my opinion it sounds just too generic and undervalued for what I'm actually doing...

In 2020 I want to achieve:
- develop a proper custom deployment tool (for job)
- get my boss to finally approve of me doing code reviews (we have 0 reviews 🙄, tiny company)
- never have to work on WordPress ever again
- develop or set up a company internal package repo (alt. to NPM)
- get a new contract
- get 3 open side projects done

(non-dev)
- buy some more furniture and make the appartment finally cozy and a happy place to live
- finally get over the negative thoughts of that antisocial ex
- go indoor climbing 3 days of the week, to get rid of those developer fat cushions... 😅

There is nothing more fulfilling than working you ass off 2 days, learning a new technology, and getting it to finally work as per the requirements and then ...

getting told that the absolute cunt of a client forgot the release date, announced its release 2 days early and decided to casually ask why there is no app on the released URL (it's a tiny Agonizing Reality [AR] app meant as a gimmick on the invitation cards for an upcoming convention).
My boss told me, the thing I worked on is now being scrapped and will not be released.

Yes, I wish the clients could slowly die in agony by a tree growing out of their appendix. Nature shall reclaim their corpses and feed a happy pig which I would happily have a feast of. 🤗

Hi, did I miss something?

The worst work culture I've experienced was at a local security company.
There was a reason why over 15 people come and go within 6 months (just 30 people work there):
The boss is a fucking psychopath and should be (mis)treated in a high-security mental health institution.
There has not been one sane day during the 90 days I had to work there.
A friend of mine still has to work there because he can't find anything else in his current situation...

How can I be so fucking stupid?
I was developing and testing a small webserver running on an ESP32.
3 fucking hours were wasted resolving connectivity problems because I did not realize the fucking VPN on my PC was still up thus hiding my ESP32's IP.

How fucking brainless...
I've cie ked everything. Dead flash, wrong offsets, compiler warnings, CPU freq. config...

Is it normal to deploy a 5.6MB main.css file?

Last week I had to change some shizzle on a website (externally developed).
Well, I was quite shocked...

We usually deploy a single stylesheet under 700 kB.
But also because we never use CSS "frameworks".

Sometimes I wish I could work in an anechoic chamber, alone.
Big open offices can be a fucking pain in the butthole.
Phone ringing here, stupid chatter there, clattering keys and noisy Intel™ stock coolers.
Even 9 hours with over ear headphones, blasting a fresh breeze of technical death metal, can't cover up those distacting noisy cunts.

How do you cope with that?

Bait question: What's your style?
a) for ( ... ; ++i ) {
b) for ( ... ; i++ ) {

I am disgusted of b). a) for the win 😎

1.) Please make WordPress die();

2.) Please prevent recruiters from getting my contact info.

3.) Please ban all "coder meme/joke" sites from instagram. They repost long dead jokes and the jokes don't even make sense if you know how to code.

I'm not sure if I have made devEnemies so far, because nobody has pissed in my good-morning-office-coffee yet. But I think my tendeny to perfectionism in syntax and code structure may have been a PITA in the ass for some coworkers sometimes...

I see the industry evolving into dna-mutilated JS hipster virgins who use neuronal networks for even the simplest tasks an jerk off on MongoDB queries during their breaks while thinking of GraphQL queries.
Naughty.

Whichever fucking cunt at Wordpress came up with that filthy Walker class and how a navigation item tree should be traversed, shall be hanged to death.
How fucking brainless can one be to create such a complete pile of donkey turds?!
No wonder Wordpress itself makes no sense at all nor has it any connection to any intelligent lifeform whatsoever.

Edit: This rant does not even closely show how high my fucking rage-level is!

Happy new Year, David & Tim, you guys rock!
🥃

My devGoals for 2019 are:

- Move DNS blocking from hosts file to a PiHole (or similar) at home

- Implement a full HAL for some smol microcontroller in C

- Create better automation templates for testing, building & deployment for our Angular projects

- Get rid of crippling depression

- Force my boss away from firebase and google tools in general

- Spread the love for CraftCMS

- Spread more love in general (with protection of course) 😄

What is "vacation"?

I fucking hate december. It's as dark outside as in a hobo's ass standing in a tunnel during a solar eclipse and there is "love" and "friends" everywhere.
Time for some nordic doom metal.

What's the most complex programming task you ever had to solve? Or: A "hack"* of a framework/API you came up with to make something work?

*undocumented or unintended use

Am I a machochistic fuck?
This sunday I had the glorious idea to fix a not-so-recent Wordpress website for a friend.
Imagine an upgrade from 3.3.2 to 4.9.8! (and PHP 5.5.old to 7.2.new

Oh boy. I thought it was impossible, because the site uses a free theme from 2012 and had some other plugins installed.
But what kind of developer am I, if I give up so easily?

I forced XAMPP to run PHP 5.6.stoneage in order to let me debug this thing. After some fixing in different files, I was able to get the admin panel back, disabled some plugins and then overwrote the installation with WP 4.9.8. After firing up the admin panel I had to fix 20 differend PHP files in the plugins.

Finally! After the plugins were updated, all worked again.
Except for the backend part of this free crappy theme. It uses an old version of JQuery UI widgets with custom mods.
I've done enough for today so I let it be like this. I'm not in the mood to load a second JQuery version.

The worst architecture I've seen is WordPress.
How can you be so drunk to design such a filthy mess?
In some way PHP might be to blame. Its API is a fucking mess as well and may have stirred WP developers in this puke around so they couldn't come up with a better CMS architecture.
Don't get me wrong. I do love PHP. But only in it's OO form with namespaces and type hints and composer dependencies.

I've seen enough of PHP functional programming and it still haunts me.

Today was the first time I used WebWorkers. I loaded it with a hyphenator script because fucking Chrome is still not able to do hyphenation on its own. For the main thread I wrote an injectable Angular service as a wrapper and to enqueue hyphenation work.
So far it works pretty smooth and quickly.

Have you used WebWorkers before? What for?

My phone just got a buffer overflow... a really sweet buffer overflow in fact!
Thank you @Elyz 🤗

I wonder how many decades it will take until employees stop to fucking stick their passwords to the computer screen at their station. It is a complete fucking nightmare if you are responsible for the network!
Can we bring back the guillotine? But it must be stub!
Those nitwits shall suffer!

These fucking nitwits who write on a non-stackoverflow site that they "solved it", without giving any clue whatsofuckingever about how they actually solved the problem, can all go take a shower in perchloric acid mixed with 2 days old hobo piss.

Talking in buzz words is just a substitute for wanking, but without actually creeping the shit out of people by pulling out your wank organs.

I hate that fucking feeling, when I am 9001% certain that the bug is caused by the shitty framework because I tested every detail and could exclude my code as the culprit, but later realize it was in fact myself, because I overlooked one pissing line.
Holy fuck.

Yeah yeah, good ol' DropBox.
Which fucking piss-wanker has made the decision to NOT SUPPORT encrypted ext4 starting in november???
You think I'm going to reformat my SSD just for you, you little stinky cunt, huh?
CrapBox has hearned itself a place in /dev/null
Go fuck yourself, you hobo-raped STD host!

I'd really fucking love if somebody developed a browser plugin which puts a red fucking glowing banner over every website which sends data to PRISM.
Users deserve to know what cunty sell-out crapsites they visit.