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I really don't understand why you would ever take something that lowers dopemine out of free will. It's literally your drive. On top, it's unhealthy as F. And quitting with it leads to a very high chance of psychosis. And if you got one of those it'll take a few years to recover. Omg, just don't risk it. They have no idea what they're doing. But the thing is, it slows you down until the point you don't give a fuck anymore and just continue doing it while being downgraded.
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@tamagotchi because my fight or flight was on the whole time for three years and my brain had dementia
I felt like I was dying every moment for 2 years and even after that stopped I still would easily get mania for 6-12 hours sometimes for a few days where I just want sleep, can't think and can't remember anything, can't stop myself
it gave me self control again. I can lay down in bed. sort of. at least I can think about my suffering. whereas before I'd just constantly hyperventilate or something but I couldn't even tell. I literally would forget items in my hand..not once. this was just normal. and I could never stop
this is actually better. fuck drive
it gave me apathy a bit but I used to be apathetic so I don't mind
if quiting it gives me psychosis sounds fun. as long as it eventually stops? technically then I just end up at the same place
plus anyway I think I accidentally ate a food that made me detox from it already... it gave me numbness and blood pressure issues lol
these pills are literally giving me suffering all over my body
it isn't aches or pain. it's always suffering. I can deal with aches and pain. but this is just pure suffering. all the fucking time. jesus fuck I feel so violent. if I get mad and explode I feel better for about 5 minutes but then I exhaust myself doing it, and then next time it gets harder to do. how do I escape this cage
can't sit down still much less fucking concentrate on anything. both these cause suffering to mount. what the fuuuuck
before magic would get me out of it but now I'm demoralized and exhausted. I keep eating people's energy and it only helps for a couple hours. I wonder if turning into a crying vegetable would help. or maybe I'll just scream like a crazy person for a few hours. surely you must get used to it but it's been over a week now
kicker is, suffering isn't one of the symptoms of the pill. "restlessness" is as if they don't know why a person would feel fucking restless. joke.
... you know one dude said you gotta feel it to heal it so maybe I repressed my sickness so much for the 3 years I stored it all in my body as fibromyalgia (which I did have inflammation of) and now I just get to feel echoes of what happened that didn't previously go through my nerves because I was doing my damn best to block them out but maybe that's too crazy a thought. better explanation than these doctors just being oblivious though
rant