AboutPart time evil corporation hater & armed infidel trying to blow off some steam.
SkillsReal men use machine language.
Joined devRant on 3/15/2020
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What the fucking fuck is wrong with those morons who keep asking for shit such as:
- certified/notarized utility bill
- personal reference letter
- letter of reference from a bank
- scan of certified copy of passport
- translated national ID
- statement that you're not a politically exposed person
I mean asking for ID is normal and natural, but what the fuck9
Large $ 11 figure company, key player in their industry, operate a platform that's plagued by fake accounts, chinese bots, scammers, spammers, phishing, bait-and-switch scams, what have you.
Told them about this, reply was:
Asshole > Thank you for your feedback. The safety of our clients is very important to us, and we are always working to maintain a positive user experience. Please report any unusual accounts and transactions via the Report feature.
Me > There are THOUSANDS of scam and spam bots. I already have a full time job and a company to run, can't be taking on more work...
Idiot > Thanks for your comment. We're always innovating and making changes to enhance the user experience. Your feedback is important to us, and we appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts.
Me > Y'all could up the “canned meaningless reply to get rid of customers without offering a resolution” game because honestly this right here is junior league.
Retard > Thank you for your response and we're sorry we couldn’t be of more help in this situation. Unfortunately, this is all the support we’re able to offer at this moment. We appreciate your time and understanding.1
So… I’m in my 3rd week as pro bono "tech lead" at a startup with rather high ambitions but amazingly stupid execution.
A product manager (otherwise really nice as a person if he’s for real but I have my doubts…) who could do well in HR or perhaps politics, instead micromanages every aspect of the business including technical.
A project manager who acts as a psychologist: what did you do? how did you feel about it? how do you think others felt about it? did it make your cock hard or more like half-hard? care to write it down on a post it?
Completely tech illiterate CEO and COO, basically some loaded old geezers who felt like doing something else along with clipping roses around their mansions for the rest of their lives, who come up with shit like “have someone make that button bigger I can’t see it”
A bunch of phd’s who seem to make a shit ton of money on the side from buy-to-pass scams basically charging their students for online courses and books they base exams on, pull them our of MS word and they’re completely tech illiterate, and can barely stay awake during team meetings, I get the sense they're there hoping to sell more of their shit that's been outdated since some 20 years ago
A hippie lead over a team for one “UI/UX engineer”, himself, who can’t design a form, but dismisses any ideas that are based on metrics, analysis and some 15+ years of experience and common sense because “he has more experience” although his portfolio only includes this particular business, a few restaurant menus and a couple other unmaintained websites nobody heard about that probably get more traffic from some crackheads’ typos and chinese robots rather than real users
A "developer" from some shit hole country who barely speaks english and can’t figure out how to start a container but somehow manages to put together some js by copy pasting snippets from other people’s code.
Another developer who’s overworked doing most of the heavy lifting without any comments probably because some sad personal circumstance made him accept the shit job he’s doing right now, basically every time I see him I want to give him some money and some food and some pats on the back
A couple guys' wives who basically do nothing but chit chat in "team meetings". They're not even fuckable.
A data model that doesn’t follow any architecture pattern or logic or common sense even
A frontend framework that has nothing to do with the application that would ideally solve the business requirements of their domain
Some over-engineered backend code that gets you digging through 20 fucking files and concerns and libs to figure out what some random method does
Lots of technical debt rising from poor design and implementation decisions
No documented projects, processes, practices, domain model, basically the process I feed my dog with is more documented than this whole fucking joke of a company
Every constructive suggestion gets dismissed with half a page of mostly meaningless political bullshit
… and so on.
Guess who’s getting back to dicking around and posting shit on devrant soon?10
I haven't watched all that crap but by the sound of it:
- webpack is crap outside of its turf
- and it def has nothing to do with rails
- sorryyyyy, our bad
- but you should have known better since we are basically morons with paychecks
- now that we sucked some cocks and got smarter, we're getting rid of it
- ... but calling it an "advancement"
Can we fast forward to Rails 9 so the hotwire/stimulus/reflex gunk gets shat out of the picture pleez.
Can't wait to kick some people in their faces with my "whoever use new rails features before it's in 3 major versions gets raped" policy1
"Windows 11 will also allow users to install and run Android apps onto their device using the new Windows Subsystem for Android (WSA) and the Android Open Source Project (AOSP)"
If they add support for iphone/mac crap i'm sold6
Calling all those ass boogers so called ExPerTs who publish monitoring stacks that weigh 15000% the target's load... you should form a line and pick numbers to suck my fat cock until you can't spell "wanker".2
Who was the fucking genius that hatched the idea that all these CI workflows should be controlled by all those stupid files such as yml and whatever other format each and every fuckstick came up with?
Like, are we really supposed to remember all that fucking gibberish you type in a file to automagically do your shit?
Fuck all that shit including but not limited to:
50 years of developing all this crap and we can't come up with something that's easy to use? why the fuck did all this crap have to turn into such a convoluted pile of shit32
I just want to say FUCK RVM
Fuck those two punks and their stupid ass gpg keys
Fuck whoever decided to shut down keyservers and fuck the EU and every single motherfucker in the EU parliament who was retarded enough to vote for that GDPR dehydrated cumshot powder they throw in our eyes
Now back to rvm, fuck their shit scripts and their fucking archives
Fuck their """security""" bullshit2
Whoever thinks a theme is the same thing as a template (yes, that means you, "bootstrap ExPerTs") should suck my lucky stone out of my right kidney right through my hose.1
any astronomy aficionados around here?
what would be the major challenges in retrofitting the hubble with thruster and communications systems and send it out of the solar system rather than spending on a mission to decommission it?4
I am so fucking sick of wordpress.
My friend owns a few hotels and asked me to help them get them off their currently shitty website provider and put together their own website. Naturally since I can't charge my friend for such garbage, I thought of wordpress.
So big fucking deal wordpress has absolutely no decent hotel booking/reservations system, and those few shitty plugins out there don't have integrations with Booking.com / Expedia / BNB and this sort of thing.
Fucking wordpress was supposed to make things easier not have me go back to programming. That is, if one can call writing PHP programming in this day and age...28
I am so fucking sick of hardware design and integration projects.
First thought, let's outsource. Except the best quote we got was $2.8M for a fucking 10 by 10 board with 200 components. What the dick shit is this did I send the email as Bill fucking Gates or something so they all thought I'm shitting gold bars?
Micro X comes with awesome frameworks and SDKs but you can't use it because it doesn't have those extra 2 pins you need.
Micro Y has them but they're not 5V tolerant so you can't use the $8 chinkese relay board, you have to add your own onboard relays which will cost you $25 and a blowjob for some FUCKING RELAYS
Then there's micro F to the rescue! enough pins, 5V tolerant, awesome SDK give or take a few months guessing how the fuck to use that 40Mb of C code library & fixing someone's fucking code, but wait, you can't use it because it has no external interrupts so basically you have to keep polling inputs and can't go to sleep, so you need to run the core at full speed and guess what the fuck it is more power hungry than the hottest trophy wife at 200mA.
No problem, fuck this shit, let's go STM like I told you so in the beginning - but I should be the one to pick the micro and all power components. Here's the specs, call me when it's done, we'll fuck with some of the web apis in the meanwhile. 2 weeks later: fuck all of you, I can't find what you need!
Then smartass #173 comes with the brilliant idea to try them chinkese PLCs with integrated HMIs, wtf they're cheaper than what you idiots are building?!. Sure, let's go for it. Spend $3000 on test units, wait 8 weeks because EU customs and taxes, then finally - NONE are usable despite the suppliers who swear it works, it has transistors on outputs, i'll be fucked it even lets you stick your cock in and gives you a tickle.
Then dickweed C-motherfucking-TO goes like, sure, let's go bare metal again, wtf we are old hardcore fucks with big cocks, plug a $8 pic24 and it will do the job. Except you have to spend 18935718 fucking years writing everything in C and when you're almost done guess what the fuck happened, we still need another micro so we can have ethernet and connect to a MQTT server.
No problem, trash all the work, let's pull the big guns, pic32mx-what-the-fuck, spend 1 month getting the toolchain to work and 2 more months writing all sorts of fucking signs and dashes and commas and brackets in MOTHERFUCKING C again and when we all think omfg we're done, some moron decides to test the board at high humidity and low temp and guess what the fuck happens - it breaks because that shit isn't rated what we need, but the fucktard was on paternity leave 5 eons ago when we started because his fucking wife gave birth and he couldn't spend a couple hours testing a blinky in his own fucking house in the fridge or wherever the fuck, so he just said yes and now guess what - we're all fucked.
Then let's try this shit board, it has the USB support and we can put one of them cheap ass ethernet chips, we'll just connect it to android via OTG and let the fucking google connect to the API over 3G. Except motherfucking android and its usb stack add some 100ms of latency which is basically more than I need to cook 3 fucking meals or some idiot needs to die electrocuted because the estop button doesn't shut down the relays fast enough.
2 years later I still don't have a workable prototype. Fuck my life. Fuck whoever planned this shit, they must have been brain fucked, in fact fuck this shit altogether. Fuck computers and processors and servers and micros and every fucking atom of copper in this fucking house.3
Can I just say that I am so fucking tired of all the podcasts and blogs and tweets and posts and articles and rants and websites and pages and shows promoting languages X, Y, Z, FU and whatever fucking letter you can think of.
And all the fucking debates and arguments and cries around "what is your favorite language" and "why is X better than Y".
Knowing any/all of them programming languages doesn't make anyone a programmer.
Might I suggest this: learn algos, design patterns, architectures, strategies, common use cases, development frameworks. Learn how to learn and learn how to fail and learn from it. Spend less time sucking your cocks on the internet about WhaT a GreAt LanGuaGe TiS Is aNd So NicE CoDeS.
Spend less time arguing and focus less on whatever cocksucking language you use, they're just like tools, you pick them based on the job YOU are meant to do. You're not paid for having a Python tat on your fat cock, nor for the armies of C++ wielding old farts you've exterminated on VirtualShitsForum.com, you are paid for RESULTS and getting the job done.
Don't be the next drone fucktard with 917823459 years experience writing Cocklang++ at G-shitsuck who can't crap out a fucking 3 table MVP.7
I've been waiting for Crystal to go v1 for like 84 years and now it's gone v1 but wait - still not stable & still not recommended for production.
What the fucking fuck? We have soft openings for programming languages now?4
What the fuck is wrong with all those chinks on alibaba? They post their product at $100 a piece then when you try buying from their store, all out of a sudden its $450 plus $600 shipping (for a 1.5kg box, mind you)
How the actual fuck can those morons assume someone is retarded enough to fall for that kind of shit? Are we all (westerners) so fucking dumb in their eyes?
I can buy that shit from a reputable brand like Samsung @ retail stores right here for less than what they try charging for their no-name garbage that at a closer look feels like it barely survived a fucking nuclear disaster and I don't even have to wait for 912375819 weeks for their army of starving slave kids to actually build the product, nor another 2-3 weeks for DHL to decide to bring it in, nor another 2-3 weeks for the parcel to clear customs (usually in one piece but hey sometimes accidents do happen, like an officer's drunken elephant trips and smashes through the whole fucking pallet) (sorry sir it was like that when it got here)12
I just want to say FUCK AWS IoT. Honestly. Why the fuck would I spend hours configuring and building all that shit. Designing a gang programmer for my devices and setting up the toolchain would cost more than 6000 of the devices themselves not to mention it would take ages to set up a single device.3
So I have this side gig where I do some part-time consulting for some clients and some of them use Paypal to send me amounts between $500 and $10k. It's no fortune but still sums up to about $80-100k each year.
Now Paypal advertise "lower rates" for my volume yet always get charged 5% "cross-border" fees like it's this huge effort moving the bits outside of whatever country the client is from?
Then here's the nice part: I have EUR, GBP, USD and AUD bank accounts, all added under Paypal, as well as EUR, USD and GBP cards. Whatever currency I try to pull money with, it always changes to another, eg:
I try to pull USD from my USD Paypal balance to an USD card, it converts to EUR.
I try to pull EUR from my EUR Paypal balance to my EUR account, it converts to USD.
I try to pull GBP from my GBP Paypal balance to my GBP bank account, it converts to EUR.
There is absolutely no way to choose what currency to use. Sometimes it will first attempt to convert to a currency then if you switch your source balance to that currency, it just tries to convert to another.
And Paypal's exchange rates are absolutely disgusting, basically you pay between 2.5% up to 7% depending on currency.
So bottom line is I work my ass off and Paypal take a huge 10-12% chunk of my cash basically for sitting on their asses and doing nothing. Because make no mistake, when you try to contact customer support there is no phone number to call, no email address, just a bunch of text ("help center"), a community forum that gives no fucks whatsoever about users, and a "support chat" that's basically accepting your messages only between 10AM and 4PM but you get replies 2-3 days later usually from some indian or pakistani guy who has no clue what's going on and just gives you a canned reply based on random keywords in your message.
Now given all the above I just wanna say, from the bottom of my heart, FUCK YOU PAYPAL FUCK YOU MOTHERFUCKING MONEYGRABBING THIEVES AND ASSHOLES, FUCK ALL OF YOU BACK TO THE STONE AGE, SUCK MY FUCKING COCK AND GO DIE IN A FUCKING FLAME.8
For their retarded shipping delays and cancellation/refund policies worthy of mid-20th century China for fucks sake
4 months wasted because of these fuckers and cherry on top still no refund.2
I always thought I don't get "triggered" by random shit like most snowflakes I know.
But when I see some fuckwit whining about some "codes" not working (copy pasted an install.sh in their bash_profile) I just kinda sorta wish it was legal to hang people from the neck with dental floss and skull fuck them until they shit all the motherfucking curry they ate during their pathetic excuse of a life.
2020. Such awesome features to have in a piece of software! Here, take all of my money. And my wife and dog and left kidney.
"Write Things Down
You can write text.
That text stays there.
You can read it later.
You can make text purple."5
Client got a cease and desist letter for trademark infringement for using the Moneygram name (not even the logo) on their website in the "accepted payment methods" page.6
How to fuck up 45+ minutes of your life:
1) make sure you have a $4500 mac
2) download an image
3) realize its a webp
4) google "how to...."
5) brew install <whatever>
6) enjoy 45 minutes of your mac installing all sorts of fucking shit and recompiling the whole fucking planet with CPU at 100% and all apps lagging
I just wanted to convert a fucking image from webp to png or jpeg or even bmp. Without uploading it on some shit site because it's a scan of some confidential stuff.18
These fucking movie sites. Why are they loaded with popups?
Every fucking time I try watching a movie online I get like 917349 popups. Search something, popup. Click open, popup. Click play, popup. Click maximize, popup. Click pause, popup. Click resume, popup.
Those guys are more desperate than a village of malnourished somalis chasing a 350lbs american journalist.18
!rant but has someone played with cockroachDB?
Only curious 'cause I'm kinda sorta tempted to fall for their bullshit for a bit and actually try it out.
Plus their name starts with cock so they get bonus points.6
Why is this app crashing every few seconds? Its 2020 and I didn’t see a made in india notice anywhere?14
Sometimes your greatest fears can become your greatest allies.
Time for a treat: a company I've applied to 16 years ago just went out of business due to bad management. Wasn't going to work there anyway because they were utter idiots but they turned me down because I took a piss at the CTO for being a wanker in some respects and also "your code formatting isn't what we expect from a senior programmer". Just placed a backorder for their domain name, will post some stupid goat sex shit there once it goes through. Cheers suckers!7
Top 10 figure company in a rich vertical in the EU market built their shit on top of a small startup's stack some 15 years ago and they still contract shit to said company whom over time have lost some of their domain names, which we promptly snatched off auctions or wherever just like we do with every single domain name mildly related to our vertical.
Now at this top notch awesome company there be some stupid bitches who apparently have no clue how to update their fucking contact list and keep sending shit to outdated email addresses.
So me gets logins to user databases, to PM apps, invoices, accounts, basically loads of crap which could rake in some 7 figures if I lacked enough spine to actually do something with said info.
So naturally I always send an e-mail back informing them of the mistake yet never got a thank you back for saving their buttholes from a scandal, public shaming and some fucking huge GDPR fines not to mention some 7-8 figures in lost business over such a information leak if it went public. I got no missed calls, no emails, I even checked my spam folder, nothing but the ol' indian spam there.
I don't understand why my cock isn't sucked 3 times a day over this shit. Like, they should have an entire HR department working 24/7 at hiring hot stupid bitches just to suck on my zucchini (initially typed eggplant but don't wanna get turned into hamburgers over this race nonsense spamming the news lately).
You're welcome ass boogers!1