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I am so fucking sick of hardware design and integration projects.

First thought, let's outsource. Except the best quote we got was $2.8M for a fucking 10 by 10 board with 200 components. What the dick shit is this did I send the email as Bill fucking Gates or something so they all thought I'm shitting gold bars?

Micro X comes with awesome frameworks and SDKs but you can't use it because it doesn't have those extra 2 pins you need.

Micro Y has them but they're not 5V tolerant so you can't use the $8 chinkese relay board, you have to add your own onboard relays which will cost you $25 and a blowjob for some FUCKING RELAYS

Then there's micro F to the rescue! enough pins, 5V tolerant, awesome SDK give or take a few months guessing how the fuck to use that 40Mb of C code library & fixing someone's fucking code, but wait, you can't use it because it has no external interrupts so basically you have to keep polling inputs and can't go to sleep, so you need to run the core at full speed and guess what the fuck it is more power hungry than the hottest trophy wife at 200mA.

No problem, fuck this shit, let's go STM like I told you so in the beginning - but I should be the one to pick the micro and all power components. Here's the specs, call me when it's done, we'll fuck with some of the web apis in the meanwhile. 2 weeks later: fuck all of you, I can't find what you need!

Then smartass #173 comes with the brilliant idea to try them chinkese PLCs with integrated HMIs, wtf they're cheaper than what you idiots are building?!. Sure, let's go for it. Spend $3000 on test units, wait 8 weeks because EU customs and taxes, then finally - NONE are usable despite the suppliers who swear it works, it has transistors on outputs, i'll be fucked it even lets you stick your cock in and gives you a tickle.

Then dickweed C-motherfucking-TO goes like, sure, let's go bare metal again, wtf we are old hardcore fucks with big cocks, plug a $8 pic24 and it will do the job. Except you have to spend 18935718 fucking years writing everything in C and when you're almost done guess what the fuck happened, we still need another micro so we can have ethernet and connect to a MQTT server.

No problem, trash all the work, let's pull the big guns, pic32mx-what-the-fuck, spend 1 month getting the toolchain to work and 2 more months writing all sorts of fucking signs and dashes and commas and brackets in MOTHERFUCKING C again and when we all think omfg we're done, some moron decides to test the board at high humidity and low temp and guess what the fuck happens - it breaks because that shit isn't rated what we need, but the fucktard was on paternity leave 5 eons ago when we started because his fucking wife gave birth and he couldn't spend a couple hours testing a blinky in his own fucking house in the fridge or wherever the fuck, so he just said yes and now guess what - we're all fucked.

Then let's try this shit board, it has the USB support and we can put one of them cheap ass ethernet chips, we'll just connect it to android via OTG and let the fucking google connect to the API over 3G. Except motherfucking android and its usb stack add some 100ms of latency which is basically more than I need to cook 3 fucking meals or some idiot needs to die electrocuted because the estop button doesn't shut down the relays fast enough.

2 years later I still don't have a workable prototype. Fuck my life. Fuck whoever planned this shit, they must have been brain fucked, in fact fuck this shit altogether. Fuck computers and processors and servers and micros and every fucking atom of copper in this fucking house.