skipped my meds yesterday night by accident and just got the best sleep I've had in a month. yeah fuck these things

and they lied to me and told me they were sleeping meds the first time even tho that was unnecessary to be doing and they're not prescribed for sleep

I hate the medical field. that's so fucking gross

The only things I trust to improve my sleep are exercise and magnesium.

Either that, or the aforementioned meds have some conflict w/ any other meds you might be taking.

Mentioning this result to the doc, that you had a better sleep when you forgot to take those meds is probably a good idea. At the very least they will know better your situation && the results of those meds on your body...

...in case the doc was wrong before or something.

Is this about haldol? It makes me slow, stupid, but I do not sleep better from it. Not that I am aware of.

My favorite for sleeping is not a sleeping med but a calming one. It's lorazepam. It has relatively minor side effects. Ironically they want to forbid it because clients are getting addicted. I have no idea how you could get addicted to such thing. But also, hypocrites, what about all those people you give a kinda amphetamine daily? The ADHD people? Like wtf.

@whimsical the haldol-like med yeah

well they lied saying it was sleeping meds

damn this doctor knowing how to intellectually connect to me

they halved my dose to help with the "suffering" but convinced me to stay on these like a year. fiiine

now I'm taking them in the morning also which should help

least now I know how long I'm gonna be on them. that was driving me a bit crazy not knowing

gonna just suffer I guess. if anything I guess loud music and dancing. I didn't wanna stress myself and my body out and cause inflammation though...

I'm such a mess with this illness it's ridiculous

@jestdotty I agree with @whimsical sleep meds work by disabling parts of your brain so you're not actually sleeping but disconnected instead, my mom is a physio and will give you the same advice about taking something to relax instead

I once skipped my meds because I didn’t have enough money to afford them. That night, I couldn’t sleep. I was shaking. New ideas were pouring in. Then, as tiredness was leaving my body, I realized I could see in 8k. Every smell was four-dimensional, my physical strength was increasing by the minute, and was crying because I was experiencing every emotion there is to experience at that very moment.

I’m fortunate and experienced enough to know that that high is how mania begins. Without medication, that superhuman state will carry on for three to four weeks in my case, followed by a year of deep depression that responds to neither conventional nor alternative medicine.

The kind of meds I take are designed to slow me down. Without them, it’s over for y’all bitches. Y’all be replaced. Then, after some time, it’s over for me too lol

Just to clarify, advice is for people who want to sleep, not for other issues 😅

@kiki wait what

that just sounds fun / normal to me

and I never get depression lol

but since I got sick I'm numb everywhere and my senses and brain don't work

@jestdotty that’s fun for sure, but in my case it has a brutally high price

@kiki don't forget, those meds made you extra positive for psychosis and mania as well. I have 75% chance of having psychosis if I quit. That's the stat regarding quitting haldol users.

@whimsical fuuuuck

I don't use haldol though. I use quetiapine and lamotrigine.

@kiki why not lithium?

@whimsical because that's not what I was prescribed :D

@whimsical @kiki

when you quit them you get psychosis because tolerance whiplash

anyway because I changed my scheduling and dose I did feel out of control manic a bit last night and it was a little terrifying. I asked my doc how long withdrawal is and it was the one question he never answered. he's generally good at all the other ones so little sus to me

I think it takes 3 days to peak withdrawal issues. woke up this morning feeling a bit better. guess it could still go down in the evening. feeling pretty good rn tho after sleep tho. RN sticking with peak withdrawal symptoms is at 3 days. makes sense cuz dopamine detoxes I did as a kid would take 3 days as well. so I think dopamine in me adjusts over the course of 3 days

will know later in the evening tho if that withdrawal gets better or worse

sleeping quite normally due to these tho. not 10 hours a day but 7 and I actually get up in the mornings and get sleepy at night (other than manic last night aaa)

food might mess also...

@whimsical on the other hand I'm told if I take these for a year and come out of it fine then I'll basically never have psychosis again

unless the doc lied. he's a smart cookie and his form of lying would be thru logic and I'm not validating what he's telling me. reminds me of my mother who would put me in boxes of logic. but I find logic so comforting 🤤

@kiki yeah but it's such a default.

@jestdotty I can't believe the first paragraph with my knowledge. If you once have found the mania / psychosis door everyone at any time can trigger it.

@whimsical I think it's cuz I've been sick so long and the inflammation fucked me up

I would have to look into the mechanisms but dopamine appears to be another one of those annoying subjects full of mainstream misinformation and vague crap instead of nerdy crap

half dose of my pills may not be bad rn. but NGL I feel kinda too manic on them. maybe it'll be fine later

@jestdotty well, as long you notice the mania and care about it, it's quite alright.

@whimsical the mania reduces my self awareness and memory so it actually makes me fucking retarded

my body can't handle it

I don't even think mania is my problem. my body's just too weak and inflames easily

thing is I have no way to reduce the mania by myself really either... other than obsessively trying to exercise it away which doesn't even do anything in comparison to the pill -.-

I'm so annoyed

@jestdotty yes, eventually it doesn't make you better. Mania on short term is like magic, but it will destroy you for sure. I talked today with someone who had a mania. It was interesting.

@whimsical apparently BDNF helps dopamine receptors go back to normal... released during aerobic exercise. only way out. hate. I'm too lazy for this

when switching the timing of the pill I got worst of the mania on day 3. day 4 I got better. now on day 5 and I don't have mania at all as far as I can tell... but I'm really lazy

think the pills just simply gave me mania lol, wasn't my regular mania but a more independent of my stress form

I also ate liver today though. I think inflammation is what triggers the mania for me... liver is anti inflammatory nutrients. might explain why no mania today

prolonged cortisol will cause dopamine receptors to fuck up and you get mania. fuck this illness. if you got inflammation short term cortisol fixes the inflammation but it'll stop working later. and bam inflammation and shitty fucking mania now for me I guess

Ted talk of random. so tired... and hungry! shouldn't be hungry but probably the pills... sigh