corporate emails and what they mean
- “changes to our privacy policy” — we raised capital, time for you to leave! good times are over.
- “changes to our pricing” — we are basically acquired, leave now.
- “blah blah community help blah blah” — fuck you, we can't even be bothered to fix bugs in our product.
- “blah blah 30% off blah blah” — yup, the unsubscribe button was broken last time you clicked it.

name: ash williams
weapon of choice: chainsaw hand

name: john rambo
weapon of choice: heavy machine gun

name: kiki
weapon of choice: teleport behind you, create a door leading who knows where, drag you in, close the door shut, make it disappear into nowhere

If you're angry at someone not figuring out your code because it was “obvious”, remember:

even before 9/11 happened, emergency lines found out they should say “nine-one-one” instead of “nine-eleven”. Why? Because panicking people were looking for “eleven” button on the keypad. They learned it the hard way.

No one is rational 100% of the time.

It is time. I have to admit it.

I don't understand Git.

I just memorized some basic commands: git commit, git push, git push -u origin master, git clone, git checkout [-B], git merge. That's it, that's the full list. I use them like they're some kind of magic spells that do what I need. Everything else, those intricacies like rebasing, resetting, HEAD and all that shit, is beyond me.

I'm not a real programmer. Real programmers know Git.

Oh, you're a programmer?
name every program

POV: you were walking from the kitchen to the living room in the night when Kiki appeared out of your storeroom, dragged you in and slammed the door shut.

Your house never had a storeroom.

I don't care about market cap. Stick your hype-driven business practices up your ass. Infinite growth doesn't exist. I won't read your fucking books and attend your fucking bootcamps and MBAs. You don't have a business model. Selling data is not a business model. Fuck your quick-flip venture capital schemes, and especially fuck your “ethics”.

I will be the first alt-tech CEO. I only care about revenue. The real money, not capitalization bubble vaporware. You don't need a huge fleet of engineers if you're smart about your technology, know how to do architecture, and you're not a feature creep. You don't need venture capital if you don't need a huge fleet of engineers. You don't need to sell data if you don't need venture capital. See? See the pattern here?

My experience allows me to build products on entirely my own. I am fully aware of the limitations of being alone, and they only inspire lean thinking and great architectural decisions. If you know throwing capacity at a problem is not an option, you start thinking differently. And if you don't need to hire anyone, it is very easy to turn a profit and make it sustainable.

If you don't follow the path of tech vaporware, you won't have the problems of tech vaporware, namely distrust of your user base, shitty updates that break everything, and of course “oops, they raised capital, time to leave before things go south”.

A friend of mine went the path I'm talking about, developed a product over the course of four years all alone, reached $10k MRR and sold for $0.8M. But I won't sell. I only care about revenue. If I get to $10k MRR, I will most likely stop doing new features and focus on fixing all the bugs there are and improving performance. This and security patches. Maybe an occasional facelift. That's it. Some products are valued because they don't change, like Sublime Text. The utility tool you can rely on. This is my scheme, this is what I want to do in life. A best-kept secret.

Imagine 100 million users that hate my product but use it because there are no alternatives, 100 people in data enrichment department alone, a billion dollars of evaluation (without being profitable), 10 million twitter followers, and ten VC firms telling me what to do and what data to sell.

Fuck that. I'd rather have one thousand loyal customers and $10k MRR. I'm different, some call it a mental illness, but the bottom line is, my goals are beyond their understanding. They call me crazy. I won't say it was never about the money, of course it was, but inflating your evaluation is not “money”. But the only thing they have is their terrible hustle culture lives and some VC street wisdom, meanwhile I HAVE products, it is on record on my PH. I have POTDs, I have a fucking Golden Kitty nomination on health and fitness for a product I made in one day. Fuck you.

I know it was a spam, but why advertise funeral services on a website for developers?

watermelon
bottom text
today's sponsor: !!! RAAAAAID SHADOW LEGENDS!!!
This rant was brought to you by Express VPN:

I feel like there are sharp nails in my body. They’re always there, in the heart area. This feeling never goes away.

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
cones have cellular automata patterns
fuck
why it is so creepy
how
why
fucking matrix

This crazy guy who created SunVox synth released a single C file that contains a long note sequence AND the synth code itself, with echo and shit, no deps other than SDL to output audio, so you basically compile a single C file, and it PLAYS REAL MUSIC
HOOOOOW
https://github.com/pixicoder/PS
https://youtube.com/watch/...

Heard of Electron? There is also Electrino, Electron-like stuff that uses your system's browser instead of embedding full Chrome. A “Hello World” app takes 115 MB using Electron, but only 167 kB using Electrino.

Too bad it's still a proof of concept with almost no features.

https://github.com/pojala/electrino

I've seen teletubbies drowning in a puddle on the road.

GraphQL fans, please read the whole rant until you jump in the comments.

I get it, when you have multiple data sources (that aren't always proper databases), your stuff is relevant.

But most of the people use GraphQL when they have a single database. In that case, native joins are always faster than GraphQL dataloader N + 1 BS you have. It takes less time and less code to go to the backend and write an endpoint for the frontend with a DB query than write several GraphQL ones on the frontend and then combine the data with imperative JS. It will work faster too.

So why the fuck should I use GraphQL at all?

A tiny piece of code I wrote without a second thought is now used by at least 500,000 people.

Your code is 6ix9ine. Stupid, meaningless lines, and also a snitch, selling data left and right.

My code is always MF DOOM.

$ sudo su
“I am root 🌱”

He’s sentient!

There is a car out there called Volkswagen Gol TOTAL FLEX. This is real.

Fan mail

The trailblazer of weaponized degeneracy.

See emojis in terminal? Get ready to get 728 dependency security warnings.

If you use lexically consistent Greek, “philosophers” should be called “sophophiles”.

⚡️Twisting your balls will switch them to the second gear.

If you’re ignoring accessibility on the web, you’re making UIs exclusively for American white rich healthy neurotypical straight cisgender male Chrome users with gigabit internet and top of the line computers.

Unpredictable and highly addictive

There is a constructed language called Tokipona. It was made to be the easiest language, and it only contains like 137 words or so.

This language is a perfect demonstration of “expressivity”. Tokipona is not very expressive. Before you know it, your sentence is obscenely long, and you didn't even convey the full meaning of what you wanted to say.

It's also the case with “easy” programming languages and frameworks. Code quantities rise exponentially, and the more code you have, the more bugs there are. There is no magic. And then you have to debug it. Not so easy, huh?

I miss Elon Musk.

Somehow, at some point in my life, something broke in my head in a very specific way. Now, as I see something obnoxious there is too much of, and it's everywhere, my brain somehow triggers acute nostalgia instead of annoyance. I miss TikTok. I miss Avengers. And all this twitter shitfest...

I miss Elon Musk.

trump… illuminati… target… all connected…