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!dev

A child's mind is fascinating.

I remember how it felt being a kid, just deliriously happy.

Things were magical, mystical and happy.

I knew the world wasn't perfect, I knew bad things happened to good people.

But a kid's mind is so powerful that it can fill in the blanks with the most cheerful and optimistic perspectives.

And at some point in my childhood I was exposed to videogames, and that kinda took me down fantasy lane even further.

I was extremely young and barely retaining any memories when I was exposed to my first console, a famicom.

I have a somewhat vivid memory of my mind being blown away for the first time by watching my brother play New Ghostbusters II for NES.

From then on, we never stopped and played several console and dos/pc games.

When I was 10, someone from the neighborhood brought in a couple of floppys with Pokemon Yellow.

"What? Pokemon? How the fuck is that even possible? This is a pc, not a gameboy".

I didn't know at the time what an emulator was, but I was super fucking stoked to be able to play that.

My dad had a 1 gb laptop from work that he didn't use, so I hoarded that shit, and I would get to bed and play nearly everyday.

The experience was surreal. I was doing pc gaming... not on a chair, on a fucking bed, and I was playing a gameboy game... on a pc.

It was so intense to me, that even after more than 2 decades of that time in my life, I still remember how it feels like.

Like, you know how you can "feel" things if you think about them? like for example if you think about the taste of chicken, you can somehow feel it for a second.

Well I have like an actual physical sensation linked to that experience but I can't explain it at all, because it's just a sensation.

I think people usually say they feel that way, for example, about the PSX (usually refered to as ps one) loading screen. I experienced that too but when I was 12, so it was not as intense (it does make me feel the fuzzies though).

I also remember other things with very high detail, like the texture of my bed cover, the weather, mom cooking, the clunky shape of the laptop, the way I carelessly stored it above a pile of magazines, etc.

I rememeber ofc how it felt looking at the game sprites, interacting with NPCs, and the goddamn fucking glorious music.

It was dreamy.

Years and years later, I grew up and I stopped living in fantasy world and became more aware of the grim aspects of life my younger self was sugarcoating.

So I tried to play pokemon again, again and again, and no matter how hard I tried to revive that euphoria, I could not never do it.

I started to get annoyed at the game.

"Come oooon, I did the tutorial already, let me skip this.
This pokemon is useless, why am I even training it.
Fuck, I'm tired of grinding"

At some point I accepted that the feeling would never return, and that it would just live in my memory.

Ironically, I can recall that memory and how it felt anytime I want to.

And I can actually still feel it, and throughtout these years, it has never wore down.

And eventually I learned how to play pokemon and enjoy it:

I read tier lists at smogon online and just catch and train the pokemons that are higher on the list, which is how i got to beat yellow in like 3 days.

(This is nothing compared to what speedrunners do, but much better than the weeks it had taken me in the past).

That served as an important lesson that when a kid plays a game, his mind is also the game at the same time, filling the blanks with its imagination.

A very similar experience happened to me with harvest moon, which is the precursor of stardew valley.

and that game is faaar more emotional: you talk to people, overtime you befriend them and they open up, you meet a girl, you marry her, have a kid

you get farm animals, you brush them, they become happy

you get attached

that game was also so powerful in me that in all naiveness I thought I wanted to be a farmer.

Eventually I grew up and hit puberty and from then on, I focused more on competitive games, like smash bros, cs and tf2.

and i dunno how to end a post so eat my fucking nuts

Comments
  • 4
    I was reading this like it was two decades at least ago. Then I saw 1GB laptop and felt old
  • 1
    @jespersh it was a shitty laptop at the time haha
  • 1
    @rutee07 holy shit, they could leave you on the n64 version? wow

    I wouldn't know, I played it for a while but I was on the other side by then, one day it froze, and I was like fuck this.

    also, what a pothead popuri was lmao
  • 4
    @jesustricks I think one of your "layers" is a talented writer. I even recognised your style before reading the nickname
  • 1
    I like your closing statement.

    To re-experience the childlike synesthesia and wonder you describe, apply a polydrugging combo of 100mg of mdma and 150μg of LSD to your mouthhole.
  • 0
    @bittersweet will it work in other holes as well?
  • 0
    I GOT HACKED, GTFO MY ACCOUNT RUTEE

    @bittersweet synesthesia, that's the fucking word...
  • -1
    @irene you know, i remembered something else

    ya mom's a ho
  • 0
    @Alice no, sorry, by the time gen IV came out I was on the other side...
  • 0
    @deviloper wow, even with all my broken engrish?

    I'm blushing, I'm such a ho for validation, can i suck your dick?

    anyhow, I'm very happy you enjoyed it and about that compliment.
  • 1
    @rutee07 it's a joke, I said like a sexual thing, and then claimed you hacked me and posted that. its ruined now
  • 2
    @jesustricks I retract my statement, you seem to be crazy enough without drugs 🤨
  • 1
    I'm still that kid..
  • 0
    @bittersweet uh ok, thanks for hurting my feelings I guess...
  • 1
    @Nanos hey do you wanna sleep over? we can get pizza hut and ask my mom if we can stay up late,

    i have a feeling we're gonna beat battletoads this time
  • 1
    @jesustricks That's what I'm here for. Give you a little bit of sweetness, hurt you with the bitter. Deep down you know you're loved, but admit it, a little bit of pain turns you on.
  • 1
    @jesustricks oh god, battletoads.
  • 0
    mmm... i'm horny now you smooth mf...
  • 1
    @rutee07

    Trouble is, I look young, still..

    Just 3 years ago, someone asked my mum why wasn't I in school when they saw me cycling around the neighbourhood.

    This makes dating difficult, if I go with someone my own age, it looks like I'm out with my mum..
  • 1
    @jesustricks

    At my age, sleepovers usually involve some kind of PC fixing. :-)
  • 1
    @rutee07

    If only I had enough money to do so !

    I'm just over a decade away from retirement..

    I reckon another 4 years before I can afford a relationship.

    Unless of course I'm wrong, which I'm always trying to prove !

    So far, I'm not wrong. :-(

    Still, if I'm right, its only another 4 years to go of hard work..

    I have a feeling I'm going to be a little jaded after that long wait.

    I can see more clearly now why some guys are arrogant / pushy / demanding / etc.

    If you had to wait over a decade just to have a relationship because you was too poor to be considered worthwhile by a woman, you too would start to think no one really cares about who you are, just your wallet/etc.

    So we are damn well going to watch what I want at the cinema !
  • 1
    @Nanos

    I remember as a kid, I would wonder how people got from A to B, because all I saw was one moment someone was at point A, and the next day, point B.

    If I knew then what I knew now, I'd spend more time playing and enjoying myself, than working pointlessly on things that wouldn't really get me anywhere in life.

    And more programming. :-)
  • 1
    @jesustricks sorry, I'm afraid I'm not very good at that, I didn't finish my BS in C*S*
  • 0
    @rutee07

    I suspect I might have moved by the time I've worked those 24,000+ hours till I can afford to retire !

    In some ways I don't want to move, because to do so will mean more localised competition from other males.

    But this location isn't ideal for other reasons, so I have to choose carefully which things I want to give up and which things to gain..

    One aspect of retirement I want is enough land to grow my own food, so I don't starve to death due to the impending famine due . .

    Choices, choices..
  • 0
    That reminds me, I've got a Famicom to sell on Ebay !
  • 1
    @Nanos

    If I could go back in time when I was a kid, I'd have to tell myself, just work 72,000+ hours to get your first girlfriend..

    That's about 3/4 of a Million US Dollars at minimum wage isn't it roughly..

    I'm reminded of a friend of mine who was pointing out that paying hookers only costs 1/3 of marriage and divorce over a 10 year period !
  • 0
    @Nanos

    I'd also tell myself, live with parents, save money, build your own house.

    Don't rent and spend twice as much money and end up owning nothing..
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