wondering whether the fact that I'm avoiding people to extreme measures is part of my identity and it is completely fine to be like that or is actually an obstacle in realization of my identity and I truly should do something about it

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    Do something about it. Worst case scenario, you'll just find confirmation for the first hypothesis. But you won't know for sure until you seriously try.
    And if the people around you don't make you happy, you should look for other, better (hopefully) people, without feeling guilty about it.
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    Well guys, I've just been on a flatmate dinner
    and most of all I focused on calming down my inner voice, saying "shhh" to all my thoughts so I could find inner peace and just enjoy the time with people.

    I feel one important thing for me was to realize what was the reason why I felt uncomfortable around people and it was the thinking - overwhelment with thoughts

    to stop thinking - stop processing everything that is happening around me is a crucial step

    - another thing is -
    that I also started to talk more about this - also a reason why I posted it - because it helps to balance out what others think of me and what I think of myself

    = that's a crucial step to face the harsh truth of reality I feel and not to fall in delusional projected images and fantasies of yourself

    Thank you for support!
    Will continue on this journey forward.
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    @optimista You could also just accept that you don't enjoy company of people (or most of them) and do what you like most.

    I used to try to blend in and it was agonizing, thinking that something is wrong with me. Now I do whatever I want to do and give zero fucks.

    If you have schizophrenia then it is different story.
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    @arraysstartat1 Yes. That's the other take on situation. Perceiving that change as an effort to just fit in.

    At the end of the day I feel like the resolution is in balancing those two. One doesn't have to push themselves constantly. But knowing that you are connected to reality or that you are at least able to reconnect is definitely a plus.

    It's an itch. And it depends whether that itch is reinforced to you by others or if it emerges by itself in you. In the latter, that itch is also part of who you are.

    And no, no delusions yet, fortunately: ) Holding it together
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    @irene Yes. Very relatable. I ended up not asking, engaging a lot on that dinner I mentioned, because I just didn't feel like it would be authentic.

    Somehow I feel like we all did run through the same topics already like countless times. Nothing new, all the same. Same patterns of information just different data ahah. Then I'm like.. always surprised to find out how someone haven't heard of something.

    I believe what those people have who enjoy being around other people is... first of all they do not think a lot, they are not trying to predict, silencing their thoughts completely within the action and second, after that, they are able to take a hold of situations in a way that they are having fun themselves.

    The first step is actually tricky, because one tends to fallback into old patterns of behaviour. Especially immediately after feeling successful.
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