107
Root
3y

!dev
!!personal
!!abuse

I'm a victim of rather severe child abuse, both physical and mental. I've cut my mother out of my life on several occasions, and disowned her husband on father's day a few years ago. Whenever they're in my life they make things slowly but significantly worse.

They'd been using my previous hard times to push their way into my life again, and are now trying to buy their way in -- this time not into my life, but into my 2yo son's life.

I've done everything I could to keep his existence from them. I hid pregnancy from them, dropped any mew mannerisms and cute vocabulary when speaking to them, never let them see toys or hear sounds if I needed to call them, hid the carseat, etc. I did a perfect job. Out of necessity I've been hiding my life from them since I was 13, and I've never done better than this.

But they knew his name, sex, and age. This means they went digging, and a bloody lot. There is literally no public info relating him to me, and nobody that knows us would tell them, either -- they all know and understand.

For years I've refused to tell these people where I lived, too. We've been here for over five years, and three years ago they just randomly showed up at our door. I never gave them an address, and the house isn't in my name. I never had any privacy when I lived with them, either -- literally not even in the bathroom -- but now we have our own house and they still randomly intrude? asldhflakshdf

But. This Christmas Eve, we got two large boxes (fruit flats) stacked full of presents from them. A third for me, a third for my girlfriend, and a third for my 2yo. Name tags and all.

Why can't they just leave us alone? On Christmas of all holidays? Why do they have to ruin everything? Why can't they just go away?

I've made things abundantly clear, and they just. won't. stop. I feel so angry and exasperated and helpless and trapped. I went from listening to "die in a fire" to crying helplessly on the stairs. All I want is to be left alone and not harassed and blackmailed and manipulated and guilted and given expired food as "gifts."

and before you ever even think to defend them, please re-read my first three sentences.

Just.
Merry fucking Christmas.

Comments
  • 34
    I realize this rant doesn't say very much, but if I went into detail I'd run out of room and probably ruin my Christmas further with the memories.

    Like putting adoption pamphlets at my place at the table (I was 7), hitting/kicking me until I was a sobbing crumpled ball on countless occasions, throwing me by my hair, swinging and hitting me with an office chair, going through my room, going through my backpack and binders and folders within those, reading notes to my friends, stealing the door to my room, stealing my computer/power cable/Ethernet, reading my emails via a keylogger, ...
  • 9
    Sorry dear. Cry it out. And as like in the past, you will find a way to solve this. I'm sure of that. ^^ just another one more bad experience. That's all. And here is also a 🤗 for you.
  • 13
    @hube Don't worry. I'm very emotionally calloused.

    @CurseMeSlowly There have been so many. I'm just so tired...

    @theScientist Don't be sorry. You speak the truth.

    @irene
  • 10
    keep strong, you survived what is worst than the current circumstances, so you diffidently you can survive this and make your own good life
  • 11
    It pains me to hear about such an abuse from you parents. As other said before me I believe a legal measure must be taken. To go so far after you, your girlfriend and your son is sickening. I might be judgmental but from what you wrote they are horrible (as an understatement) and the only possible way to cut them out of your life would be going beyond hiding. (As that seems to not be enough)
    Is there no one that can help you against them?

    I hope it'll be alright for you and your family (not the parents in that case. If you would even still consider them as such), stay strong.
  • 10
    Sounds like it’s time for a restraining order.
  • 7
    As your parents, they won't leave you alone.. however imo you should do whatever it takes to protect your son
    Good luck
  • 10
    are they somehow trying to make up for what they did to you? If yes than they're very stupid
  • 8
    This gave me goosebumps.
  • 9
    Almost same happened to me at around 7 years age (both physical and mental abuse until child protection had to come in)... Since then, I have never trusted them, and I can't wait till I move out in a few years
  • 7
    I second @g-m-f on the restraining order
  • 7
    I also second @g-m-f idea.
  • 12
    Rewind... We'll get to the stalking in a minute...

    THEY "GIFTED" YOUR 2 YEAR OLD EXPIRED FOOD?!?!?!?!! These are fucking idiots. I'm amazed you survived with them being that fucking dumb (or even worse, now that I'm realizing they may have known).

    But also, at least inform the police of the situation so they have a history should these fucking wastes of oxygen cross any more lines.

    Stay safe, dear. And remember you have the right to protect yourself and loved ones.
  • 7
    @irene... Yes. Expired food to a baby is negligent abuse, as well... And they "stack"
  • 4
    @Jop- restraining order definitely works for people who are scared of jeopardizing their careers..my ex was a kindergarten teacher so when I got a restraining order that was the end of her contacting me directly..but if they are lawless citizens then the government can't do much..I would hire a goon or one who looks like one to not hurt them but to threaten them to leave you alone ..
  • 3
    @Jop- Call the police while they annoy you and they got a big fat entry on their criminal record. Nobody wants that.
  • 7
    @Root return it to their door, woth a note to leave you alone, ghen get a restraining order and if they dare to show up, call the cops.

    (I don't lile cops, but it's their job to handle such shit!)

    I wish you and your girlfriend all the best and happy holidays. Don't let those bastards drag you down!
  • 1
    @Klanowicz while I agree with you, most people in this situation are usually tired of fighting (especially if they have been doing it this long) and usually on the verge of giving up. .this is not an easy battle
  • 5
    People suggesting to fight. Wtf do you want op to do? Grab a baseball bat and have her way on them? Kindergarden suggestions really.

    I feel for you, I really do, these are supposed to be days of joy and rest and your family clearly does not want to respect that. Thing is, you really do not win this in the clean way. The authorities are more inclined to help you if you play dirty as well :/ which may not be something you want to do. Hope it gets better.
  • 2
    Call the police.
  • 2
    What are the first three lines for?
    Are you saying:
    1) not a dev post
    2) not not personal
    3) not not abusive
    ?
  • 1
    @cliatt
    Not dev-related
    Personal
    Related to abuse
  • 5
    @cliatt it's called CW (Content Warning) or TW (Trigger Warning). It's ment for people who have gone through such things as warning.
  • 1
    @PrivateGER
    You could have just said "yes".
    My bigger question is why the double !'s?
  • 6
    @cliatt because they're accepted devRant pre-rant tags 😋

    @lavandysh doubtful. They honestly believe they're being nice and friendly. They also don't believe any of the aforementioned parental atrocities were abuse, or they've conveniently forgotten them.

    @AleCx04 Thank you 💛

    I may end up getting a restraining order, actually, to protect him.
  • 2
    @Root neat, that actually makes a lot of sense, since it needs to be apparent they're tags to make sense.
  • 3
    @cliatt and the double negation indicates they're true and lends extra importance 🙂
  • 4
    Maybe it’s not my place to give advice but I've been through something similar and I can only agree with the others who say "go to the police.". From my experience these kind of people will use any means and any kind of petty excuse to get back in your life again. They may even try to convince you that you need them, that they've changed, that they're sorry and what not. Most probably they have not changed, and giving them the slightest hope will only bring the storm back. Tell the police and let them handle it. Happy holidays to you and your loved ones.
  • 3
    Fuck that!
    Can't you shoot them—it being murica and all?
  • 4
    Now I understand why you value privacy so much. I can't begin to fathom what you've gone through or how you feel and I empathize with you. I hope that besides the intrusive parents you had a decent Christmas!
  • 5
    People like that are one of the worst kind of monsters, not only do they try to break your body, but your mind as well.
    I sure hope that a restraining order would cut it down a bit at least.

    I would set up cameras around the house.

    Please remember that no matter what they say or do, you are a awesome and loved individual

    I hope all the best to you and your partner and child

    May those who torment innocent people be punished not only in physical ways, but also with never ending neurological pain that consumes them like the monsters they are
  • 3
    What a testament to the value of privacy!

    Yeah, that definitely sounds pretty rough. Keeping your doors locked is probably a decent start, but beyond that your guess is a good as mine. As everyone else has mentioned a restraining order might be worth a shot, but I have no idea how helpful it will actually be.

    On a side note, I’m a little confused. If it’s too personal, I understand but you mentioned that you have a girlfriend and also that you were pregnant? I’m little lost there...
  • 3
    @irene homoromantic pansexual in a nice relationship, and we want kids. Easy enough to understand.
  • 3
    I'm so sorry to hear that. I have a person in my life that is the same as your mother.
    Gifting spoiled food sounds exactly like her. Then she would take a photo of the "gifts" lying near my apartment's door and post it on Facebook. Bragging how she's taking care of us.

    Two things you can do:
    1. Restraining order.
    2. Hack their email and social media accounts and bring hell on them.
  • 2
    @hube then be better at hacking ;)
  • 1
    *hugs* whatever happened to you never should've happened...🤗🤗🤗
  • 5
    Fellow INTJ here.

    Go to court. Restraining order is necessary. I thought my family was bad but JFC this is AWFUL. My dad's a fucking alcoholic who has abused my sister and I emotionally. Eventually I started shouting back and making threats - that has put him in his place. My stepbrother even threatened to kick his ass once.

    So yeah, I totally understand what you mean by asshat parents out to get you. Get an attourney and nail these fuckers out of your life if they're just gonna bring you down!!
  • 5
    @Root Holy fuck, you didn't ever have the thought to call CPS by the time you were between 10-12? I was only like 11 back in 2009, and around half the madness stopped when I dialed 911. Note that I said half. Given enough time people will look for new ways to fwu.

    Honestly, I know some are gonna say be civil, but the temptation to kick ass and take names is too real...

    I've dubbed it the "Tobias Effect" based on the Divergence trilogy when Tobias stood up in the middle of the Amity cafeteria (IIRC) and found his dad, who had whipped him with a belt as a child. Tobias took out his belt, and beat the fuck out of his dad. Beat your kids, and eventually they'll be strong enough to beat you ten times over. And some of them WILL, if they've been knocked around enough.

    I've not gotten to that point, but I know others have and would be justified in doing so.
  • 3
    @mgagemorgan
    I didn't know CPS was a thing back then. Also, having grown up with this, I rather assumed it was normal and everyone went through similar -- mine was just a little worse.
  • 1
    @Root Gotcha. You in the US?
  • 1
  • 3
    @Root its sad that those who need the CPS the most are usually the ones who never have heard of it in time.
    We teach children that “Respect your parents” and “They are punishing you for your own good” way too much, that leads children afraid of talking bad about them in public, where someone could realized what has been going on and intervening.

    There should be less of Godifying parents in tv-shows and in schools

    While i have not been abused by my parents, my dad used to talk to us in really nasty ways (It had to do with stress, his childhood and the way that he never really saw any problems in himself) and yell, and them in public pretend to be so “model family”

    Luckily that has changed and we have a good relationship nowadays

    But it was hard sometimes to keep the smile in public after being yelled at just a moment ago
  • 3
    I can't understand your situation because it didn't happen to me. But I wish you all the best. Unfortunately blood relations are hard to legally cut out.

    My friend emancipated himself and his husband's family adopted him in his thirties. Completely disowned his blood relatives. I don't know if that is a possibility but it is an option. I know I am late but I hope you had a good holiday. *hugs*
  • 2
  • 1
    @Root ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
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