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Search - "social anxiety"
You know the truth about young people?
It’s goddamn hard to be a young person these days, or millennial or whatever the fuck they’re calling it now. So give em a break.
It always has been hard, but this time is different. Let me share a few stories:
-my friend said half the time if he walks up to women in a bar and asks their name he gets yelled at because “if I wanted to date you I’d be on tinder.” A few of those times he had no romantic intentions even.
-Amazon and eBay=instant gratification. This stunts mental goal development, and makes transitioning into professional life stressful.
-online dating particularly tinder means people have option fatigue and inflated expectations. Very hard to connect with people personally.
-Facebook shines everyone’s accomplishments in your face, and it’s one thing to be bombarded with that when you’re married and working a good job and emotionally adjusted, it’s another to be pelted with it while in emotional turmoil.
-amplified by the global economy and global social/professional bubble, the world has more people that you can be face to face with now than it ever has.
-global competition, easy to feel inadequate when you haven’t established yourself in a career or adjusted to professional environments.
-social media is a dopamine addiction that companies are actively seeking to hook you on, it’s very alluring and difficult to exist when everybody is doing it and universities and jobs want you to do it, and the consequences of it are purposely hidden from the users. Very difficult to break.
-another consequence is young people are then pelted with advertisments that usually have a negative message and are way more powerful than people realize, considering they seem so harmless on the surface.
-regular young person problems, the older generation doesn’t like the attitude and sometimes it’s hard to get taken seriously at work.
-victim culture, I can attest, watching everyone lust over being a victim is contagious and it poisoned me for a long period of time as it has many others, and thinking of yourself as a victim instead of taking charge of your circumstances does massive collateral damage to emotional and mental health. And it’s not being talked about. It took me years before I even realized that I was doing it, and even longer to stop. I STILL slip up.
-Raised in a culture of participation consolation prizes, and as people graduate college they’re slapped over the face with reality as they realize that there are real failures and even though those failures can still amount to something, there is no consolation prize.
-parenting strategy of “everyone is special” and then realizing when you get old enough that you are unique but there are still others like you, and you are not special in the way you always believed.
Technology is changing our lives for better or worse, and we need to pick the direction it’s going to take us. This is why so many people are struggling with anxiety today.
So if you work with young people, be nice to them and try to think about how you can say something to them that will help them adjust to some of these challenges, rather than thinking of them as weak. They carry a lot of weight on their shoulders, weight that a lot of people don’t take seriously. They can overcome it, but not with people beating down on them.129
I've always hated Omegle, but my online friend forced me to do it, since she thinks it will help my social anxiety.
I had to send her screenshots as proof.
As much as I didn't want to, I had no choice. I was too scared to do the video chatting so I did the text chat instead. This is how the conversation went:
Me: Just programming, you?
Stranger: ur a programmer?
Me: Yes :)
*Stranger has disconnected.*104
Should I work on my game..
Should I go to my parents Easter Party in a hot ass park with tons of people and get stressed out and let my social anxiety implode on me..
Who am I kidding, I don't have a choice here. *gets ready for the party*16
You write code.
A strange issue prevents you to proceed further.
Try one fix. Fails.
Try another Fix. Fails.
Try fix #28. Fails.
You decide to ask for help in the support forum.
You start writing your post, mentioning everything you've tried so far. You feel your social anxiety and fear the humiliation of being told "because you didn't try X, you idiot". Then you come up with an idea for fix #29.
(fix #29 normally involves Wireshark or similar low-level inspection tool)
Try fix #29. It succeeds :)6
What if I've been wrong all the time?
What if everyone else is correct and I'm the one who is raging all the time?
What if I'm annoying you everyone?
What if I'm a very bad developer that everyone hates?
*social anxiety intensifies*4
I really really want to start working.
I have social anxiety, but my mom is really on my ass about bringing in money. I need some sort of job that I can do from home on my computer.
Something related to programming.. Administration.. Whatever. I don't mind having to learn something new to find work.
I have no formal qualifacations.
I don't care how easy or hard it is, as long as I can make at least $100/mo.20
Note to myself:
Went alone to a conference, without knowing someone and
have problems to start a conversation with complete stranger,
is a stupid idea.
Social anxiety HURRAY but at least the talks were nice.4
SOMEONE PLEASE JUST TELL ME:
HOW DO I STOP BEING SO FUCKING AWKWARD!!!!!!!! Tell me please, i swear to you. My life would be so much better if i wasn’t so awkward and have social anxiety. Tell me what to do because i’m tired of it, i hate it so much.46
It made me anti social. It got me thinking in a very logical way, I can't connect with people.
I'd spend a lot of time (and still do) coding that I didn't make many friends and made me have social anxiety.
Nobody respects what I do or even understand it.
The one girl I would've happily fucking died in the most brutal way for with a smile on my face, wasn't interested at all... I was a geek to her and my lifestyle wasn't compatible with hers.... I wasn't good enough...
I am very self aware of my shortcomings and working towards that... But generally, I'm too fucking late to dating and all that.
Programming put me in a disadvantage in dating and social life.11
wondering whether the fact that I'm avoiding people to extreme measures is part of my identity and it is completely fine to be like that or is actually an obstacle in realization of my identity and I truly should do something about it6
How it feels to be an intern : "Omg I helped people making an app in reactJS I feel like I improved a lot in the past months"
How it feels to come back at school : "omg I have trouble writing a simple algorithm I feel so dumb I'm the worst dev in the world"
That's the difference of working in a team with a great mood and close to no-stress AND studying while having to deal with social anxiety.
The conditions in which I work have a huge impact on the way I feel about myself, my skills and basically on my motivation.3
I wish I could just unplug myself from this digital world.
I am grateful for having been brought up in a time when the internet/social media was not yet a thing. I had more privacy, less anxiety, had real conversations, played real games, had no FOMO....and I honestly enjoyed the fact that I couldn't always be found so easily, as opposed to how my digital footprints are now being blasted out into space every second.
This life feels like I am in a queue waiting to cash in on all the lifestyle diseases, all the while getting older and staring at a small screen going mad at imaginary people.
I wish I could go back to when things were simpler.15
I was laid off. The reason? Well, they didn't really want to say but they were clear it wasn't due to performance. (Thankfully, I got severence pay.) From my perspective it really came out of nowhere, no warnings or even hints that this was coming, which has me spinning. 😵 If I'm doing well at my job and the company is doing well, how in the seven hells could I get laid off??
What they said was partly the reason didn't seem true, or not the whole truth. They essentially stated that "they talked with everyone I worked with" (probably not true based on their decision, but who knows) and came to the conclusion I wasn't suitable to work on large teams, and that's the direction they are moving in. As if it wasn't something that could be improved on 🤔
I'll be the first to admit I'm not the best communicator face-to-face, mainly due to my social anxiety but also because I have too many thoughts. It can be difficult to condense them down for other people in the heat of the moment. (I'm an INTP, if that helps you to understand what I mean.) However, I know I'm a pretty good communicator overall since I listen and pay special attention to phrasing and word choice. So most people I worked with there seemed quite satisfied with communication with me. There were only 2-3 out of more than 12 who I had any difficulty working with.
So why did I have trouble properly working with a couple people? I hesitate to say this but, like other jobs I've had, well... they didn't have either the experience or knowledge to understand me. Basically, they were stupid. I was pretty frustrated working with such inadequately prepared people on a complex project with ludicrously short deadlines, and had no desire to work overtime so I could educate or guide them.
So what is the real reason I lost my job, if not performance? Could be I pissed off the stupid (and loud) ones which hurt my reputation. My main theory, however, is that I was raising the cost of the company's healthcare. I had a diseased organ so I did miss some work or worked from home more than I should have, and used my very good health insurance to the fullest extent I could. Of course, if they say that's the reason then they can get sued.
Huge bummer, whatever the case. I definitely learned some lessons from this situation that others in a similar position could find useful. I can write that up if anyone expresses interest.
Honestly though, this is a good thing in the end, because I was already planning to leave in a month or 2 once I found a better job. I was waiting for the right time for the project I was on and for my own financial stability. So I'm trying hard not to let this affect my self-esteem and think of it as an opportunity to get my dream job, which is working with a remote-first company that is focused on improving the human condition.
Being unemployed isn't ideal, but at least I didn't have to quit! And I get to have a bit of a vacation of a sort.6
I haven't really known what to post. But I've decided not to care about being relevant or care about the like count. I'm a very competitive person so things like like count tend to effect the way I see the quality of a post.
I want devRant to be a place where I can be honest and feel safe even if I don't get the validation I sometimes wish I had. And hey maybe someone will think my opinions or thoughts are interesting.
So let's start with a little about me. I'm a 17 year old kid that loves programming. I work full time as a full stack web developer and I'm really the only web person. The current system is built on WordPress because of fucking course it is. I don't like it but I gotta keep it user friendly for less techy people to manage. No one likes have all minor changes and tweaks having to go through one person when they could do it themselves. So I manage.
I'd say my passion is more backend development but I do love having a pretty UI to display the results.
I've struggled with mental health the past few years but I'm doing much better. Even just last week I had an anxiety attack during a social event. I came here for the community and I do enjoy it, but I'm gonna try to make it an outlet. My best friend went off to university and I don't really have any IRL friends I can just be me around.
I don't have anything special to say. But if you read this thank you for listening to some random kid on the internet. I hope you have a great day.4
My fellow nerdy ranters what's the best way to take care of social anxiety completely, am contemplating alcohol10
Every time I want to post here about a problem, my social anxiety tells me what I should try before asking about it.4
I worked really hard to make this girl my friend at work. We go for morning breaks around from 10:00 AM – 10:30 AM.
And then this new guy joined the company sitting close to me and we become friends. This new guy finds my girl friend really awesome and they are getting closer everyday and they are leaving me behind now and separates me with almost all the conversations during morning break meet.
Today, during the morning break. My girl friend said that I have changed and don't talk to her much like I used to. Way back when we met I really clearly told her that I have anxiety and social disorder so please bare with me and she told me that she will be there for me as a good friend.
I'm not sure what to do. I'm going to lose a good friend really soon.5
Does someone else also know the feeling when you are together with other devs that you instantly feel like your skills aren't even existent?
Often I notice that I feel that way without actually habing a reason :/4
Do you find it difficult to make new friends in your late 20s? Im talking about situation when you left your hometown, left your university city and started living in a fresh new city while working as a remote dev? Only way to make some would be to get into some hobbies, but for now I just try to kick my anxiety causing addictions (nicotine in particular). Once Im back to my calm state I will get out there, but for now Im just an anxious uninteresting wreck haha. At least Im living with my sister and managed to find a great girlfriend, but in terms of social life I dont have it as much as I wanted. Im in a strange situation where I hate people but at the same time want to connect more with them.12
Okay so to start, I'm going though a hard time mentally right now, anxiety(social) depression and autism just to set some context.
I work remotely cause it's the easiest way for me to deal with my mental struggles, I don't have to speak to people in the office, I can just do my job and then enjoy my day after.
We have a Christmas party at the end of the year... I physically don't think I have it in me to show up.
Is this bad?
I bailed on our last team event because I was struggling.
I don't want to bail all these times then have people think I'm not a team player etc.
My boss already knows of my struggles, so do I just be honest or make up some bullshit excuse... yet again?6
Just became an instructor at an microelectronics course, can't even finish a normal course due to social anxiety. Fuck.1
God why is it so hard to let go with people around, especially potential friends or partners... It could be so easy to just have fun and do the things you always think about, but then you mess it up and that somehow.. purposely.3
Walking past a conversation with people and over hearing the term CNN, thinking its about Convolution Neural Networking. Long story short. Im standing here between people discussing news resources. Fml
Got Aa job interview offer from a far location via my site contact page. I don't even know what to do or say. Social Anxiety sucks. I saw their sophisticated site. How do I not feel dwarfed? I don't know how to respond. Please help.1
Even though I was offered a future position (from intern part time to junior full time) I still worry that I'm not doing enough. Some days I just don't have work to do and all the higher ups are in meetings. Mix that with the bit of social anxiety and having trouble approaching people and I feel like I look like a slacker, even though I really do want to work on stuff and improve.
What can I do to wow the higher ups with some consistency?4
So yeah, right now I feel 50-50% about this whole thing.3
Is it just me where does slack have some of the stupidest names for emojis imaginable? Slightly smiling face? What the fuck is that? I thought the point of emojis was to make digital communication less awkward.
And you're telling me everytime I type a :-) I'm only slightly fucking smiling?! Do you realize I already have enough trouble with communication as it is?! The devs that slack use their own product so much they've become social Hermits beyond the point we thought possible as developers.2
Getting cold-feeted and didn't join a coding group in high school. I ended up stopping coding for a good 3 years, which could have been spent for so much learning... :/
I've done a social anxiety test to find not-so-surprising results. I shared that to a group of programmers then hm, that's a lot of anxious people. Are we socially anxious naturally or what? are you guys socially anxious even?8
Too early in the year for goals so far, but I'll give it a shot. Here's what I'm gunning for in the short-term:
Week 85 - 2018 Dev/Coding Goals:
- Continue educating myself in the Rust programming language (I feel like I dropped the ball there last year, Rust is easy to get programmer's block because it's syntax isn't always clear what should be done with it and/or why, the references. Ugghh fml).
- Get feature parity of PYXReloaded with it's predecessor, and get most of the planned features implemented. Friends of mine really want this and like screencaps I've sent already. It's a project I've been working on with @Gianlu for the past few days.
Week 85 - 2018 General/Personal Goals:
- Get over my motivational issues.
- Get over my depression/loneliness
- Get over my social anxiety.
I'm trying to better myself, both in coding and personal life. I fucking love this community. I used to use Reddit to find posts exactly like the ones here, but this is wayyy better and has everything all in one place.
Have a prosperous 2018, guys. Remember not to look at what you want to get done in just 365 days. You need to see the big picture.