18
Wisecrack
14d

People who don't mind their business.

So a while back, in a casual conversation I mentioned to a customer that I maybe might *possibly* have some jewish ancestry, on my *fathers* side, like my grandparents. Distant ancestry. Like the sort of distance that leads to things like dumb polish jokes.

Anyway, this guy starts coming in on a regular basis and talking about jewish related things constantly and I just want to ring him up and be left alone.

He asks me "so aren't you supposed to be in synagogue or something? I thought you're people were really adamant about not working on the sabbath?"

I looked at him deadpan and said "Money is my religion. Have a nice day."

He laughed nervously "uh yeah, thats good, okay, gotta run."

Best part was he forgot his eleven cents in change.

Comments
  • 13
    "Money is my religion." That's such a Jewish thing to say! Just kidding, man.
  • 4
    You're totally a Jew 🤣
  • 2
    So am I a Jew if I don't work on Saturday? 🤔🤔🤔
  • 3
    Well. I would have taken him on a longer ride. Like doing a jewish jehovah witness crap. and asking if he wants to become jewish... instant "goes away, and dan't come back"
  • 0
    @irene nope. It makes you human.
  • 2
    @magicMirror a Jew human 😏
  • 2
    @irene but Jews are supposed to be reptilians :0
  • 1
    @Lyniven

    You'd never know due to all the lotion.
  • 1
    @rutee07

    haha, exactly why I said it!
  • 2
    @Wisecrack being Jewish myself, I got to admit I find it rather entertaining when a non-jew starts bugging me about jewish things.

    Also, according to Jewish Law one is only Jewish if his mom is Jewish or if he converts properly (please don't get me started on what "properly" means).
  • 1
    @chabad360 do you like flat bread? 🤔
  • 2
    @irene do you mean Matza? As in that unrisen, unleavened bread that's likely stale by the time you get it, and on sale in any supermarket (in an area with a high Jewish population) right after passover?
    If that's what your talking about, well the answer oddly enough is: Yes, as long as it's slnot stale it's actually quite good...

    BTW ask away, I'll be glad to answer pretty much all questions you have about judiasm.
  • 1
    @chabad360 yes, the Jewish flat bread)
  • 2
    @irene well the answer (as I said before) is: oddly enough, Yes, as long as it's not stale it's actually quite good. :)
  • 1
    @chabad360 username checks out....
  • 0
  • 2
    @chabad360 there is no such thing as non-stale matza. put the f-ing thing in water for a minute or two before you eat/plaster a wall with it.

    At least it will bend.
  • 0
    @magicMirror you've never gotten the good stuff I see... :)

    Where we live, in order to get round, hand-backed Matza it need to be shipped. Yet despite that, some pieces are still thin and not stale that they're edible (and good too!)
  • 1
    @magicMirror matza should be crispy and dry 😑
  • 1
    @chabad360

    trust, if you knew my mom you'd wish she was less jewish. She trained to be a lawyer and ended up leaving due to kids and the fact she couldn't stop arguing with literally everyone.

    She was raised catholic though on account of my grandfather being an irish son of a bitch.

    She didn't raise me catholic though so I never had a chance to perv on repressed catholic school girls and nuns.

    Whats a man to do?
  • 0
    @irene exactly, @magicMirror if you buy the Manischewitz Square Matzos you'll find a pleasant surprise! Although it's just not as good as the real thing...

    @Wisecrack wait? And what about her mom?
  • 1
    @chabad360

    Legal dispute between her and my mother when I was young. Barely know my grandma now.

    Anyone that talks to her is person non grata in the family.

    Part of the reason for "uh, maybe I'm jewish."

    Families can be weird.
  • 1
    @Wisecrack aww man, I'll have to admit curiosity to what that dispute was.

    But yes family is weird, a few of by dad's siblings (there's a lot of them) and quite a few relatives married my mom's relatives, and to be honest I don't even know their names (or in some cases their existence)... So there's my weird family for you.
  • 1
    @chabad360

    Lots of cousins at least!
  • 1
    @Wisecrack yes, I meet new ones (that can mean older than me, I just didn't know they existed) constantly, it's also a weird encounter...
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