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hejx
5y

Kinda !rant, but still..
Most professional devs have or have had PM's/KAM's. I've had quite a few,, most I've really liked.. Now I have an issue thought, I like one a little too much,, correction there's no little about it, I fucking love her.. We do spend some time together outside of work as well, and she's become a very close personal friend.. She's really easy to work with and really good at her job, so we make a shitty working situation livable together.

But; of course, I want more, but not ruin anything,, And most of all not make her working situation uncomfortable.. I'm pretty sure she don't see me the same way..

Question: has this ever happened to anyone else? How did it turn out?

Yes, I realize the irony of asking relationship advice from the stereotypically least social group of all..

Oh, and to top it off,, my other closest friend, also works with us, and they know each other from before.. So it's kinda hard to talk to her about it..

rant

dating and stuff

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  • 2
    5y
    It's now or never. Make a move. Ask her to go out to take pictures in your city. I met my current girlfriend (also a programmer) by just asking "Hey, wanna go take pictures and edit them on mobile?"". The longer you wait, the harder it will be for both of you to see each other as lovers. Just ask her to do something with you. And then you take it from there. Normally an afternoon with multiple visits do different places makes the day seem like a full week
  • 0
    5y
    Also, ask her stuff to see the personality outside the office. If you talk work, you bring yourself as a collegue, and not somebody outside the office time
  • 2
    5y
    Also, if she says no, it will be quicker to move on and try elsewhere
  • 1
    5y
    @bartmr I get what you're saying,, but we are kinda past that initial getting to know each other stage.. As I said we do meet outside work, and don't talk shop at all, we were out just the other night, eating, drinking beer, talking for hours..

    But you are right, maybe I should suggest to do something during the weekend.. I'm just terrible at coming up with something..
  • 0
    5y
    @hejx Just do something. You can start with a walk on the city, then the park, then dinner, and then go play video games at home. Dating is not hard. People just put things in their head. Also, in the end, just try to make it seem like "it just happened". She's a project manager. She must be a logical person, which makes stuff even easier.
  • 0
    5y
    @bartmr but,, that's what we're doing now,, basically.. but as friends. Taking it from the "as friends" part,, I have now idea how..
  • 0
    5y
    @hejx So i guess the only thing left is inviting her to do stuff at your house. Have a drink, show cat videos, whatever.
  • 2
    5y
    Yes it happened to me.

    I'm gonna advise you against doing anything. You might think she is great, beautiful, nice, etc... But it's not worth the trouble. It's not gonna end well and it'll affect your work.

    I've learned my lesson.
  • 1
    5y
    @MrCSharp is right. Stop it.

    If you have a crush on her, avoid being friends. It will only make you suffer.

    Tell her you only want to keep things professional and not friendly unless she thinks you can hit it off (romantically).

    If she does want to or you choose to try your luck, go for it. But remember that if you get rejected or you break up, things will get awkward at work. and maybe after an some time one of you will resign, or not likely, return to a normal professional relationship.
  • 2
    5y
    @MrCSharp @bioDan @bartmr
    If you're curious,, I have an update,, kinda..

    Tldr; nothing has really happened, but something will..

    I've sort of taken your advice, all of them.. Make a move, let it go, tell her to keep things professional.. Sounds wierd right?

    This morning I wrote her a text; (the gist translated)
    (Bla bla bla intro)
    - I like you, a lot, very much. I have so for some time, and my feelings grow stronger every time I get to know you closer.. And I've gotten to the point where I needed to know if the feeling is mutual, so I can let go & move on..
    (Bla bla bla, not effect work,, bla bla)

    I waited a few hours before I sent it, just to think it over, then I sat with my finger on the send button for an hour (heart racing) then I couldn't sent it..

    (Continues in next comment)
  • 2
    5y
    Decided that I have to do it in person, so I will, on Monday, probably..

    I did send it to a friend of mine, asking her to stop me if it was REALLY stupid, she didn't reply until now,, but she did agree that it was the best way for me to move forward, under the circumstances..
  • 1
    5y
    @hejx good choice for doing it in person 👍 good luck
  • 0
    5y
    @hejx dude... trust me on this one, it is not gonna work. pouring your heart like that is going to kill any chance you might've had with her... if any.

    She'll act surprised.. say it is the sweetest thing anybody has ever said to her... and that's it... conversation turns awkward but she tries to keep talking just to be polite... but that's it...

    If you are gonna go for it... more power to you mate... i really want you to prove me wrong on this one...

    Good luck mate.. may you succeed where many of us failed.. you are sailing uncharted seas.
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