No one will understand me but you Devs.
I am a self taught developer who works in a digital marketing agency, when I was learning to code I wanted that the code I will produce will help people and make me happy, the only job i got is in digital marketing agency, because no one in my country will recrute a self taught bald ugly mid thirty fucker, then want them young and fresh, anyway, I proved that I can handle the job, so that I became the only dev in the agency.
the problem is that I reached a that checkpoint where I have to choose a path:
- I learned Node and React but I can't use them in my agency
- I work with wordpress and prestashop but I don't code, I use fucking theme forest templates

the only way to work with MERN is through remote, but I am not a senior yet, I only have to keep learning PHP but I can't advance in my current job since the projects don't require coding, and I feel that my agency will close the dev department because they put me in the designers office.

I don't want to reach 40 with nothing in my portfolio but shitty theme forest template rape, the stress from my current situation is killing me, I can't even start working on my portfolio website and blog because I can't think straight, my mind jump from "today I will build an api" to "no I need to build a custom wordpress theme" each 3 minutes, I don't sleep, the futur is dark, I am afraid that if I focus on wordpress and shit I will miss working in interesting projects, and if I focus on MERN I will never gain experience localy to become a full remote later.

many will agree with me that PHP is shitty but gets the work done, and I hate PHP because of prestashop, and we only live once, the only other job I found require wordpress and fucking prestashop, imagine living a live doing something you don't like, then die regretting every decision you make.

I might sound crazy for you, but I don't have many friends and I am an introvert working with designers and community managers ... so this is the only place I can write what I want.

if you reached here, I thank you for your time

  • 4
    First of all, don't apologize for ranting here. This is devRANT.

    Second, I feel you. I, too, am self-taught (at first) and was very hard-pressed in getting a proper coding job. I, too, am in my mid thirties.

    I managed by taking odd-jobs for small local businesses, and building thesis projects for college friends and family. But I had a lot of free time back then which may not be the case for you.

    I'd say just start small like writing a script that would automate one part of your work. Like generating a template file or something. This will hopefully spark something in you and, many times, sparks lead to something good (unless it's one by a gasoline container or something then my advise is to run).

    Good luck, man.
  • 2
    Just do what you like. If you stress yourself out you will not get anywhere. There is nothing wrong with just working for the money and use that as evidence for good work moral and just do portfolio projects on GitHub. If you have a project in mind, just go for it.

    Most importantly. You do you, nobody should put you under pressure. Just calmly approach the problems and they will ultimately reveal a possible solution.
  • 1
    Hey, you've already done the most difficult step, which is setting up a goal to achieve. And you're already working on it too! Don't get desperate now, hit the resilience button hard and long, you'll get there eventually. GLHF
  • 2
    Well another self-taught here. In fact im a digital marketeer who learned to code because i wanted to get the job done. I also hate wp(cant stretch how much) but i kinda like presta... i had some dev works in various companies but now i have my own company and i work with projects that i like and projects that get food on the table. I believe that you should start develop something of your own. This will give you a motivation to do the other work that will put the food on the table....
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